How to deal with a conflict with a difficult person? "Difficult people": how to communicate with them How to behave in a conflict situation

Conflict is something that can arise both in family and friendships, and in a work environment. The behavior of people in determines the outcome of not only the quarrel itself, but also the relationship as a whole. That is why it is very important to be able to correctly resolve various disagreements or, even better, to be able to get around them. So how to behave in conflict situations correctly? Let's find out!

What is conflict?

The types of disagreements and quarrels are varied, but they all have the same essence.

First of all, a conflict is a situation created to resolve the contradiction of two people in the form of activity on both sides, which is necessary in order to achieve justice. It is extremely undesirable to avoid disputable situations, since in most cases misunderstandings occur due to the appearance of understatement, and this does not benefit any of the conflicting parties. Suppressing fights and disagreements is dangerous because it can lead to rash decisions.

• The first stage is the stage of potential formation of conflicting values, interests, views, norms of behavior.
• The second stage - at this stage, the potential contention turns into a real one, or the participants in the conflict situation are aware of their true and false interests.
• The third stage is the quarrel itself.
• The fourth stage is the removal or resolution of conflicts.

What are the main reasons for disagreement?

Conflict resolution is based on understanding the causes of their occurrence. Often the causes of disputes are the lack of mutual understanding between people, as well as the presence of diametrically opposed interests and approaches to solving problems. Perhaps the reason for the disagreement is revenge, envy, resentment, or a low culture of communication. The quarrel may be based on such things as the usual incompatibility of characters or the inability to find a common language. The reasons may be the behavior of "difficult" employees or simple troubles in the organization, such as emergency work.

What differences between people can give rise to conflict?

One of the leading causes of disagreement is the differences between the disputants. Despite the fact that people are born equal in rights and free in their dignity, most often in reality they turn out to be more than unequal. Compatibility is influenced by many factors, for example, a different understanding of the meaning of the work than that of the opponent, differences in worldview, non-identity of interests, incompatibility of characters, a dissimilar attitude to work and duties, as well as a different degree of preparedness for doing work and, most importantly, available them ways of resolving conflict situations.

Types of conflicts

In most classifications, collisions are divided into constructive and destructive.

For a characteristic feature is the impact on the fundamental aspects and problems of the life of the participants in the dispute. The resolution of this type of disagreement brings the participants of the quarrel to a new stage in the development of personality, while destructive disputes often have disappointing consequences. Destructive actions in conflict situations, such as squabbles, gossip or other negative phenomena, in most cases reduce the effectiveness of the group.

What are the types of conflict personalities?

First of all, it should be noted that there are several classifications of people involved in disputes. Your personality type will help determine the test. Behavior in a conflict situation largely depends on this. The following is a list of possible courses of action.

Pedant. This type of personality is extremely precise: he is punctual, boring, picky, although he is executive. He tends to push people away.

As a rule, these people are choleric. They are characterized by constant stormy activity, which is conducted in a variety of directions. For the demonstrative type, they are vital. These people like to be constantly in sight and often have high self-esteem.

Conflict-free. This type of personality tends to consciously move away from conflict situations. In addition, he knows how to shift the solution of problems to others. Often unprincipled. And the conflict, in turn, grows like a snowball and, falling on the head of this type of personality, leaves unpleasant consequences.

Leech. This person will not be rude to you, will not say nasty things, will not offend. However, after communicating with him, both mood and well-being worsen, fatigue appears.

Inert or personality. People who do not know how to rebuild, or, in other words, do not take into account changes in circumstances and situations, as well as accept the opinions and points of view of others. This type is capable of showing painful resentment. They are ambitious and suspicious.

Tank. This type of personality is characterized by such qualities as rudeness, pressure and arrogance. Style of behavior: go ahead to the very end. These people in most cases tend to despise all the subtleties of relationships, other people's opinions and feelings.

Cotton wool. At first glance, this type of personality gives the impression of a decent and complaisant person. Often he is accommodating and ready to make concessions. At the very beginning of communication, there are no problems. However, in the future you will notice that this type of personality does not fulfill promises.

Prosecutor. A person belonging to this type of personality criticizes very specific people: neighbors, car owners, sellers and controllers. After he tells you who and how should work, gives arguments and draws conclusions, he will certainly feel better. This personality type is driven by the desire to speak and be heard.

What will contribute to ending disagreements?

Any type of conflict situations can be successfully resolved if the following two circumstances are observed.

The first factor: the participants in the quarrel understand the existing differences, and also recognize the right of each other to their opinion.

The second factor is that both sides agree to abide by certain rules of the game. This makes communication between them more efficient.

Possible styles of behavior when dealing with "harmful" people

Management is important in order not to aggravate the quarrel.

One style of behavior is to earn the opponent's love and simply prevent conflict from arising.

The second style of communication is stress relief. Are you openly provoked? Take a deep breath through your nose, draw fresh air into your lungs, imagine all the anger or irritation that is in you, and exhale it all. This technique will allow you to control yourself and not act “on emotions”.

To make it easier to get along with people, collect jokes, funny pictures and stories. When communicating with a "harmful" person, they will help you.

Among other things, you can openly protest against rudeness.

If the “harmful” person still spoiled your mood, then just don’t think about it. Either think about something good, or about someone you don't like. The choice is yours.

How to behave in conflict situations?

During a quarrel, each of the parties can choose one of three possible strategies: 1) by all means available at the moment, achieve victory; 2) to get away from the scandal, not to oppose; 3) to negotiate in order to overcome differences peacefully, or by finding a compromise. So how to behave in conflict situations? What course of action to choose?

Avoiding or Avoiding an Argument

When you get into a conflict situation, you just need to ignore your opponent and not succumb to provocations. In this strategy of behavior, the essence is the same: I absolutely do not care what decision will be made and what actions will follow. Naturally, by this you show disregard for your own interests.

Compulsion

There are situations when it is not important for you to get out of the conflict, but it is important to defend your views. The "Coercion" tactic is to convince, to force the opponent to agree with your point of view. This strategy is used when you think that your opinion is the most important and correct, and the opinion of others is absolutely indifferent to you. It forces people to do what you want and fully comply with your intentions.

Compliance

It is used when we have a high interest in the opinions of others and a low interest in our own. You need to fully agree with the opinion of the opponent, while not expressing any of your desires and considerations. This tactic helps not to create a conflict at all or to resolve it quickly.

Compromise

The strategy is used when you have an average interest in relation to the opponent's opinion and there is a desire to resolve the dispute or avoid it altogether. The tactic is based on the fact that both you and the opponent give up part of their desires in order to resolve conflicts, trying to find a solution that will satisfy both.

This strategy is very effective, very useful, but the main disadvantage of it is that you have to give up some part of your claims. As a result, the solution of the conflict situation does not satisfy all needs.

Cooperation

Immediately make a reservation that this is the most effective strategy of behavior. It is effective when you have a high interest in both the opinion of the opponent and in your own interests. The "Cooperation" strategy is to fully satisfy the interests of both parties.

Possible obstacles to ending disagreements

In addition to the main question of how to behave in conflict situations, it is also important to know what can prevent you from repaying quarrels:

1. If the participants in the dispute see only in their victory.
2. If there are emotional aspects in a quarrel that prevent concessions or compromises.
3. If the parties to the conflict lack the skills to develop a compromise and negotiate.
4. If the parties use ineffective strategies in the conduct of the dispute.

What hinders conflict management?

1. One or both parties wish to continue to quarrel.
2. The participants in the conflict believe that their interests are mutually exclusive, which is why they perceive the dispute as a struggle.
3. The emotional relationship between the disputants is such that they cannot interact constructively.
4. If the parties differently perceive the essence of the quarrel. This can happen if the participants in the conflict situation have an initial divergence in values ​​or they interpret what is happening differently.
5. The fact that disagreements and disputes are just the tip of the iceberg, and its resolution is of little importance.

Conflict is always a tense situation for both sides. To maintain your mental health and not bring yourself to stress, it is recommended to adhere to certain rules in the dispute. You need to turn to the advice of psychologists on how to behave in a conflict situation.

Analysis of the situation

First you need to analyze what happened and understand what reasons could lead to such a development of events. In addition, you must be aware of the degree of danger that threatens you at the moment.

There is no need to think that what happened was provoked only by the need to prove the truth or by the circumstances prevailing at that particular moment, since the problem could be much deeper. Your opponent could hold a grudge against you much earlier or accumulate his dissatisfaction for a long time, which led to swearing between you. Having understood the causes of the conflict, you can proceed to the next step.

Opponent Analysis

When a conflict arises, you must clearly understand what kind of person you are dealing with.

1. If he is not confident in himself, then in such a situation he will try to hide as far and better as possible, while not denying his innocence and insisting on his principles.
2. A confident person will be able to rebuff you in a verbal duel, since she is not used to backing down, including from a showdown.
3. The most difficult situation can be considered a dispute with an overly stubborn and narrow-minded person who, by virtue of his position in society, is trying by all means to impose his position only because he considers himself "the master of life."
4. It is also necessary to beware of conflicts with people who have mental disorders or a low level of intelligence. The main reasons why you should not get involved with such individuals are the presence of aggressive behavior and the lack of a reasonable ending. In addition, there is a possibility that the conflict may escalate into a physical clash in which you may suffer because of undivided opinions.

What behavioral strategy to choose

If you have already identified which category your opponent belongs to, then it is recommended to proceed to the selection of a style of behavior and understand how to behave in a conflict situation.

Psychologists say that there are five main types of conflict behavior strategies. Why do you need to know these strategies? As a rule, a person usually uses one of them - it depends on his character and position in the team. However, it is possible that, under certain conditions, he may apply another strategy. Destroying dynamic stereotypes in this way means developing as a person.

Dodging a dispute

Applying this strategy can be considered appropriate if you do not have time to solve the problem. Clarification of the relationship should be postponed, as the situation should be more carefully analyzed. It is advised to use it for controversial issues with management. Choosing this style of behavior is reasonable when:

• you don't see the solution now)
• during the negotiation process, you begin to doubt your innocence)
• defending your point of view is more important for the interlocutor, and not for you)
• there is not enough time to resolve the conflict)
• it is better to agree with the opinion of the opponent)
• you do not consider the subject of disagreement quite serious)
• dispute may cause more complicated problems for you)
• there is a possibility of a deterioration in the situation due to the openness of the discussions.

Rivalry

This strategy involves openly defending one's position. It is applicable in situations where the solution of the problem is important for both parties to the conflict. The possibility of losing the dispute is not ruled out. The choice of this style of behavior should be determined by the following circumstances:

• high importance of solving the problem for you)
• you have no other choice)
• publicity of the discussion, when the opinion of others is not indifferent to you)
• you have great power or authority over a person and are confident in the outcome of the dispute)
• you represent the authority for the opponent)
• a quick solution is needed.

Cooperation

This style of behavior is characterized by a long process of resolving the situation that has arisen, the outcome of which should lead to the satisfaction of both parties. In this case, the participation of all disputants and strict consideration of their interests is necessary. This strategy can be used for:

• desire to stay on good terms with your opponent, as he is a close person, friend or colleague for you)
• equality of the parties)
• enough time to resolve the conflict)
• the need to find a mutually beneficial solution to the problem.

This is the most constructive way out of the conflict. It results in a new product, a new idea, a new team.

fixture

Often people are faced with situations where they just need to make concessions to their interlocutor. Psychologists call this behavior in conflicts adaptation. To prevent the dispute from becoming more serious, you should accept the opinion of the opponent, at least outwardly.

This strategy is best chosen when the issue is not fundamental to you. This may be a conflict with the leadership, in which it is simply vital to give in, unless, of course, you want to aggravate your situation. Using this approach, you will not only maintain a good relationship with the person, but you will also be able to buy a significant amount of time in taking a common position.

Compromise

Here you can defend your point of view on the problem, which is a positive thing. But you will also have to accept the opinion of the other side, albeit partially. Such a strategy avoids the serious development of the conflict and the adoption of a decision that satisfies not only you, but also your interlocutor.

It is advisable to use this method of behavior when both parties are equal disputants and put forward equally reasonable arguments in their favor. If changing your mind to suit your opponent's needs isn't such a big deal, then this method is perfect. The compromise obtained during the discussion will make it possible for you to get at least part of what you want, as well as to maintain friendly relations with your opponent.

The second stage of the dispute resolution

This stage involves the resolution of the conflict situation. This must be done in accordance with the style of behavior you have chosen. In this case, you and your opponent will need to set their own limits, which each side will have to accept. At this stage, you will have to very quickly restructure your judgments and maneuver the situation quite skillfully.

Among other things, you should wait a little time with your response to the opponent's opinion. All his demands or phrases must be ignored, as well as periodic pauses in the conversation.

It is not necessary to immediately answer all the questions of the participant in the dispute - it is best to distract him from this by means of other questions that in no way correspond to the given topic. This will allow you to think more carefully about your style of behavior to resolve the conflict.

When the other party calms down a bit and stops arguing his position, you are advised to evaluate her opinion, but in such a way that she understands her significance too. Here you can suggest making some adjustments to the idea of ​​​​the interlocutor, which will help in solving the problem. Fulfillment of this requirement in any situation leaves the most negative opponent unarmed.

• Corporate culture

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1. It must be borne in mind that such people have some hidden needs, which are usually associated with past losses and disappointments, and they satisfy them in this way. For example, a super-aggressive person tries to suppress cowardice and fearfulness with his aggressiveness.

2. You must take control of your emotions and give vent to the emotions of this person if you intend to continue to communicate with him.

3. Do not take personally the words and behavior of this person, knowing that in order to satisfy their interests, a difficult person behaves this way with everyone.

4. When choosing the appropriate style of action in a conflict situation, you should consider what type of people he belongs to. In Dealing with Difficult People, Robert Bramson lists the following types of difficult people he has worked with in various firms:

Aggressive - speaking rude and unceremonious, bullying others with barbs and irritated if they do not listen to him. As a rule, behind his aggressiveness lies the fear of revealing his incompetence;

Complainer - a person who is seized by some idea and accuses others (someone in particular or the whole world as a whole) of all sins, but does nothing himself to solve the problem;

"angry child" - a person belonging to this type is not inherently angry, and the explosion of emotions reflects his desire to take control of the situation. For example, a boss may flare up when he feels that his subordinates have lost respect for him;

Maximalist - a person who wants something without delay, even if this is not necessary;

Silent - keeps everything in himself, does not talk about his grievances, and then suddenly rips off evil on someone;

"secret avenger" - a person who causes trouble with the help of some kind of fraud, believing that someone did wrong, and he restores justice;

"false altruist" - supposedly doing you good, but deep down regretting it, which can manifest itself in the form of sabotage, demands for compensation, etc.;

"chronic accuser" - always looking for the mistakes of others, believing that he is always right, and blaming, you can solve the problem.

Other types of difficult people can be distinguished, but the rules of behavior with them are generally the same.

5. If you find it necessary to continue associating with a difficult person, you must insist that the person tell the truth, no matter what. You must convince him that your attitude towards him will be determined by how truthful he is with you and how consistently he will act in the future, and not by the fact that he will agree with you on everything.

Rules of conduct in a conflict. Since conflicts often give rise to such an emotional state in which it is difficult to think, draw conclusions, and be creative in resolving the problem, then adhere to the following rules when resolving a conflict situation.

1. Remember that in a conflict a person is dominated not by reason, but by emotions, which leads to affect, when consciousness simply turns off, and a person is not responsible for his words and actions.

2. Take a multi-alternative approach and, while insisting on your proposal, do not reject the partner's proposal by asking yourself the question: "Am I never wrong?" Try to take both offers and see what amount of benefits and losses they will bring in the near future and then.

3. Recognize the significance of conflict resolution for yourself by asking the question: "What happens if a solution is not found?" This will shift the focus from the relationship to the problem.

4. If you and your interlocutor are irritated and aggressive, then you need to reduce internal tension, "let off steam." But discharged on others is not an option, but a trick. But if it so happened that you lost control of yourself, try to do the only thing: shut up yourself, and do not demand this from your partner. Avoid stating negative emotional states of your partner.

5. Focus on the positive, the best in a person. Then you oblige him to be better.

6. Invite the interlocutor to take your place and ask: "If you were in my place, what would you do?" This removes the critical attitude and switches the interlocutor from emotions to understanding the situation.

7. Do not exaggerate your merits and do not show signs of superiority.

8. Don't blame or make your partner responsible for the situation.

9. Regardless of the outcome of conflict resolution, try not to destroy the relationship.

Since conflicts are inevitable in the interaction of people, they can perform positive constructive function:

The conflict promotes a certain movement forward, prevents stagnation;

In the process of conflict, the objectification of the source of disagreement occurs and its resolution, “removal” is possible, means are found to prevent future conflicts;

Conflict is a certain denial of old, "obsolete" relationships, which leads to the formation of new relationships, the correction of interaction;

In a conflict, internal tension is “expelled”, aggressive feelings “splash out”, frustrations, neuroses are “discharged”;

Conflict is a way of self-affirmation of a personality, especially in a teenager; conflict is a necessary form of behavior to maintain status in a group;

Intra-group conflict in scientific activity creates the necessary level of tension necessary for creative activity; Thus, the study showed that the productivity of creative scientific activity is higher in conflict personalities;

Intergroup conflicts can contribute to group integration, the growth of cohesion, solidarity of the group;

The need to resolve the conflict leads to cooperation, to the concentration of the efforts of the participants to resolve the conflict situation, to the involvement of group members in the common life of the group.

An important point in studying the problem of conflicts and their nature is to identify their reasons. An analysis of sociological and socio-psychological studies allows us to identify the following main causes of conflicts:

Socio-economic conflicts in modern society are the product and manifestation of objectively existing socio-economic contradictions;

Socio-psychological - needs, motives, goals of activity and behavior of various people;

Socio-demographic - differences in attitudes, motives of behavior, goals and aspirations of people, due to their gender, age, belonging to various national entities.

Main dysfunctional (negative) consequences of conflicts:

1. Unproductive, competitive relationships between people.

2. Lack of desire for cooperation, good relations.

3. The idea of ​​the opposite side as an "enemy", of one's own position - as an exclusively positive one, of the opponent's position - only as a negative one.

4. Curtailment or complete cessation of interaction with the opposite party, which prevents the solution of production problems.

5. The belief that "winning" a conflict is more important than solving the real problem.

6. Feelings of resentment, dissatisfaction, bad mood, staff turnover.

Consider structural conflict management methods.

1 . Clear statement of requirements. One of the best management methods that prevent dysfunctional conflicts is to explain the requirements for the results of the work of each individual employee and the unit as a whole; the presence of clearly and unambiguously formulated rights and obligations, rules for the performance of work.

2. Use of coordinating mechanisms. Strict observance of the principle of unity of command facilitates the management of a large group of conflict situations, since the subordinate knows whose orders he must carry out. If employees have disagreements on any production issue, they can turn to the "arbitrator" - their common boss. In some complex organizations, special integration services are created, the task of which is to link the goals of various departments.

3. setting common goals, the formation of common values. This is facilitated by the awareness of all employees about the policy, strategy and prospects of the organization, as well as their awareness of the state of affairs in various departments. The presence of common goals allows people to understand how they should behave in conflict situations.

4. Reward system. Establishment of such performance criteria that exclude the clash of interests of various departments and employees.

With the rational behavior of the participants, the conflict, passing through all the stages of its development, can remain functional. The resolution of the conflict in the full sense is the elimination of the problem that gave rise to the conflict situation, and the restoration of normal relations between people.

11 taboos in a conflict situation. It is forbidden:

1. Critically evaluate a partner.

2. Attributing to him base bad intentions.

3. Show signs of superiority.

4. Blaming and attributing responsibility only to the client.

5. Ignore his interests.

6. See everything only from your position.

7. Reduce the merits of the partner and his contribution.

8. Exaggerate your merits.

9. Get irritated, scream, attack.

10. Touch the "pain points" and vulnerabilities of the partner. Bring down on the partner a lot of claims.

Ten Common Mistakes of a Conflicting Person:

1. Stands up for his point of view and does not think about how to solve the problem.

2. Behaves inflexibly, unable to change tactics, switch to something else.

3. Intolerant of dissent, cannot move to another position, compromise.

4. Thinks stereotypically, seeks to squeeze the decision into the framework of existing norms, traditions, rules.

5. Is distracted from the main goal to other, side ones, goes away from the main problem.

6. Sees only one solution or one alternative, and not their multivariance.

7. Works only in the subject area, cannot reflectively analyze and move towards interaction.

8. Creates obstacles for free creative debate, generating ideas, overly criticizes, inflates fear, etc.

9. Unnecessarily agrees with the opinions of others if they give in, adapt or move away from solving the problem.

10. Afraid of risk.

Topic 8. Establishing feedback in interpersonal communication and overcoming communication barriers.

Lecture plan: Providing personalized feedback. Feedback rules. communication barriers. Praise, constructive criticism, assertiveness and their characteristics.

Lecture progress:

A person who is interested in better orienting himself in the peculiarities of his relations with others should be interested in the reactions of other people to his actions in specific situations, taking into account the true consequences of his behavior. Feedback in communication- this is a message addressed to another person about how I perceive him, what I feel in connection with our relationship, what feelings his behavior causes me.

In interactions and relationships with others, there are times when it is appropriate to express how other people's messages or behavior affect us. Such responses are commonly referred to as "providing personalized feedback".

When we emphasize positive behavior and achievement, we are giving positive feedback through praise. When we point out negative behaviors and harmful actions, we are providing negative feedback through constructive criticism.

Feedback rules or conditions for an effective feedback mechanism are as follows (Polish psychologist E. Melibrud):

1. In your remarks, try to touch, first of all, on the behavior of the partner, and not on his personality; try to talk about specific actions of the partner.

2. Talk more about your observations than the conclusions you have reached. It is possible that with your help the partner will come to deeper and more correct conclusions. But if that's all, you want to express your thoughts and conclusions, then do not create the illusion that your conclusions objectively reflect reality.

3. Try to be descriptive rather than judgmental.

4. When describing the behavior of another person, try not to use the categories "you always...", "you never...".

5. Try to focus your attention on the specific actions of your partner in situations that took place very recently, and not on stories of the distant past.

6. Try to give as little advice as possible: it is better to express your thoughts, as if sharing thoughts and information with a partner.

7. When giving feedback to a person, try to emphasize what can be valuable to him, and not what can bring satisfaction to you personally. At the same time, one should try not to abuse the expression of feelings, not resort to emotional discharge, try not to manipulate others. Feedback, like any form of help, should be offered rather than forced.

8. Try to give your partner such information and in such quantity that he was able to use it.

9. Be careful that the moment of providing feedback is right... It is important to choose the right time, place and situation for this. Often, in response to feedback, the partner reacts with deep emotional experiences. Therefore, you need to be very scrupulous and soberly assess the capabilities of the interlocutor.

10. Remember that giving and receiving feedback is possible with a certain courage, understanding and respect for yourself and others.

communication barriers. A communication barrier is a combination of external and internal causes and phenomena that hinder effective communication or completely block it.

Thinking, planning (100%) - expressing, acquiring verbal forms 80% of what was planned ==> the main barrier is lexical (vocabulary), communicator's memory (forgot something).

Expressed (80%) - heard (perceived) 70% ==> the main barrier is poor attention of the recipient, lack of interest in the message (motivation).

Heard 70% - accepted (understood) 60% ==> the main barrier is the intellect of the recipient (not understood everything).

60% accepted - 24% left in memory ==> the main barrier is memory (I forgot a lot).

Thus, loss of information is inevitable ==> you need to learn how to eliminate (or mitigate) barriers.

Communication barriers and ways to eliminate them:

External interference (noise) - violation of communication channels (bad work of mail, telephone, etc.).

Social barriers: the reason is in social differences: political; professional; religious.

Since different interpretations of the same information are caused ==> poor-quality transmission ==> misunderstanding.

Psychological barriers.

The absence of a single, common system of meanings (the same words, expressions), which gives rise to misunderstanding (jargon, slang).

Features of communicating (psychological): shyness, shyness, authenticity, secrecy, distrust.

Features of cognitive processes: inattention, poor memory, low intelligence, the attitude of partners towards each other (distrust of the communicator gives rise to distrust of information, hostility).

Lack of communication skills (inability to establish contact, build a conversation).

The removal of barriers is determined by their content. Namely: eliminate interference, high authority of the communicator, etc.

One of the main barriers is:

Inability to listen. Causes:

1) The basis is inattention (distraction to extraneous thoughts).

2) Thinking about your own remarks.

3) Anticipated assessment of the message (“This is understandable”, “Bullshit flogged”).

4) The desire to interpret the statement. Listen to why they say so, i.e. message interpretation.

Praise, constructive criticism, assertiveness and their characteristics

Praise is a description of a particular positive behavior or accomplishment of another person.

Too often we fail to acknowledge that people say and do positive things. Praise can be used to reinforce positive behavior and help others develop a positive self-concept.

Praise is not the same as flattery. When we flatter someone, we use mostly insincere over-the-top compliments to ingratiate themselves with that person. When we praise, our compliments are in line with the person's behavior or accomplishments. We express the admiration that we sincerely feel.

In order for the praise to achieve its purpose and not be perceived simply as flattery, one must focus the praise on a specific action and be sure that the message is expressed in words in such a way that the meaning or value of the achievement or behavior is preserved. Praiseworthy responses do not require much effort, but they are dear to people. By praising someone, you not only appreciate that person, but also deepen your relationship with him, because the frankness of the relationship increases.

To make praise more effective, try to consider the following recommendations.

1. Mark specific behaviors or accomplishments that you would like to reinforce.

2. Describe specific behaviors or accomplishments.

3. Describe how the person's actions benefited.

4. Structure the phrase in such a way that the level of praise corresponds to the importance of the behavior or achievement.

Constructive criticism is a description of a specific negative behavior or action of a person and the impact of such behavior on other people.

Reinforcement theory research has found that people learn faster and better through rewards such as praise. However, there are cases when personal feedback should be expressed in focusing on negative behavior.

Constructive criticism will be effective if the following requirements are met.

1 . Ask permission before criticizing. Obviously, it's best to give this type of feedback when the person specifically asks for it. However, sometimes you need to criticize a person, even when he does not ask for it. A person who is willing to listen to constructive criticism is likely to be more receptive to it than someone who has been shown
disrespect without asking his desire.

2. Describe behavior by describing exactly and in detail what the person said or did, without evaluating their behavior as good or bad, right or wrong. By describing the behavior, you form the informational basis for feedback and increase the chances that the person will be receptive. Feedback that is preceded by a detailed description is less likely to elicit a defensive response. Your description shows that you are criticizing the behavior rather than attacking the person, and the criticism points the way to solving the problem.

3. Whenever possible, make a positive introduction before negative remarks. When you're about to come out with a critique, it's a good idea to start with a little praise. Of course, common sense dictates that superficial praise followed by devastating criticism will be taken appropriately. If you can't preface feedback with meaningful praise, then don't try. Prior feedback empty praise will not help the person accept your feedback. When you pair constructive criticism with praise, try to avoid using the "but" conjunction. There are reasons why it is easier for a person when using the conjunction “but” to “not hear” praise, but only accept criticism.

4. Be as specific as possible. The more accurately you describe the behavior or actions, the easier it will be for the person to understand what needs to be changed.

5. When appropriate, offer the person other behaviors. Since constructive criticism is supposed to help a person, it is appropriate to provide him with such recommendations that would lead to positive changes. By giving positive advice, you are not only helping the person by providing useful information, but you are also demonstrating your positive intentions.

assertiveness means the ability to stand up for yourself in interpersonal relationships, protecting your rights and respecting the rights of others.

Lack of assertiveness can prevent you from achieving your goals and lower your self-esteem. We can better understand certain qualities of assertive communication when we compare it to other ways of interacting where we believe our rights, feelings, or needs may be violated or ignored.

Conflicts are an integral, although not the most pleasant, part of communication. They should be avoided, which is not always possible, especially if the disagreements did not arise on your initiative. In order not to lose face, you need to know how to behave in a conflict situation. After all, the ability to complete it with dignity, without an ugly scandal - this is exactly the quality that can add weight to you in the eyes of colleagues and household members.

How to behave in a situation of conflict in the family?

It is believed that family quarrels are normal. But such conflicts are just the most dangerous, because people who constantly live side by side because of such skirmishes can completely lose mutual understanding, become strangers to each other. To avoid this, you should know how to behave in a family conflict.

1. Listen to your opponent, let him talk, and only then answer. So it will be easier for you to understand the essence of the complaint and understand how to proceed.
2. Don't be afraid to be honest with family members about what you think about the cause of the conflict. Perhaps you just did not understand each other and everything will end at the level of negotiations.
3. Ask household members for advice on what needs to be done to resolve the conflict. Suggest your choice.
4. If you are not ready for constructive communication or feel that your opponent cannot perceive your words adequately, invite him to postpone the conversation for a while.
5. During a quarrel, do not get personal, do not humiliate your opponent, even if it is your child. Yours is not a statement of claims, not senseless bickering and reproaches, you should strive to eliminate the very problem that caused the appearance of contradictions.

How to deal with conflict at work?

Conflicts at work are also not uncommon. They need to be able to nullify so as not to spoil relations with colleagues and acquire a reputation as a scandalous person. Experts give the following recommendations in this regard:

• do not lose your temper, keep calm and composure, do not raise your voice;
• if you feel that you cannot control yourself, then just leave the room; drink water, calm down;
• do not be afraid to apologize if you are really to blame and the conflict provoked your actions;
• do not let yourself be humiliated in a conflict, but do not snap back, be extremely polite;
• call on a colleague-opponent to cooperate, give weighty arguments in favor of the fact that a reasonable compromise will be beneficial to both of you.

How to behave in a conflict with the boss?

The tips above can also be used if you have a conflict with your superiors. But above all, in such a situation, psychologists recommend not to let yourself be intimidated. Remember that your leader is also a person, although endowed with some power, which he can abuse. Do not be afraid to remind him of this, as well as the fact that you have certain rights under the law. Therefore, the boss should not threaten you with dismissal or other punishments. If you can't get your words across to him, just leave the office and come back after a while, when they subside.

How to behave in a conflict situation with a stranger?

Many are also interested in the answer to the question of how to behave in a conflict situation with a stranger. For example, if you are embroiled in a quarrel in a store or post office. It is best not to react and calmly step aside. If there is no response from you, then the instigator will lose interest in you. If he shows aggression, then you can pull out a mobile phone and announce that you are going to call the police. This is usually enough to leave you behind.

Today we will talk about how to behave in conflict situations, which, unfortunately, are not always avoided. Even if you are a compliant person, there are individuals who are eager for clashes. And you will have to somehow get out of this difficult circumstance with dignity with your head held high.

Causes of conflicts

Before you learn how to deal with conflict situations, you should consider where they come from. There are four types of conflicts:

1. Objective. External circumstances, labels, the social position of the individual, lifestyle are examples of objective reasons for the emergence of disagreement. Accepted norms and foundations in society can cause conflicts if they are not perfect, have a weak regulatory function and do not take into account all possible circumstances in interpersonal relationships.
2. Organizational. This category includes ergonomic, situational, and structural causes of strife. Disagreement arises from unorganized human activity. If the structure of the organization does not meet the requirements of the activities in which it is engaged, strife arises within the workforce and individual groups of people. Mistakes in management are also a source of controversy.
3. Socio-psychological factors. Any relationship of an individual in society is conditioned by his psychological and social adjustment programs, which often run counter to the opinion of opponents, resulting in conflicts.
4. Personal, or subjective, directly depend on the individual, his behavior, attitude to society, mental characteristics of character.

This is about the reasons. Now let's figure out how to behave in conflict situations.

Rules of conduct in a dispute with a colleague

If there was a conflict at work, how to behave? One of the parties must adhere to the following recommendations:

1. Allow your opponent to blow off steam. Let your partner throw out negative emotions, because in a state of emotional arousal a person is uncontrollable, aggressive, due to overflowing negativity. Until he calms down, it is useless to say anything. It is necessary to behave quietly, confidently and in no case arrogantly.
2. Ask for a calm explanation. The opponent must be given to understand that information is not perceived in such an emotional presentation. You can cut off aggression with the help of questions: “Are you telling reliable facts, or are you expressing your opinion?”, “Your statements can not be argued?”.
3. Knock down anger with sudden tricks. The main task of the reception will be switching it to positive emotions. For example, you can make a compliment or show sympathy, only sincerely. Ask for advice, remind about pleasant moments together.
4. Do not put a negative emphasis on your partner in your appeal, translate it into your feelings. For example, you should not say: “You are lying to me,” but rather: “I feel fooled.” Avoid the phrase: “You are rude”, instead, you need to say: “I don’t like the tone in which you are talking to me.”
5. Ask them to formulate a problem that needs to be solved. Try to jointly decide on it and focus on it. In this case, aggression should be removed.
6. Invite the opponent to present his arguments and his considerations. Try to come to a consensus.
7. Whatever happens, do not let your partner drop dignity. Do not be rude in response, do not walk on personality. Evaluate only actions. You should say: "You did not keep your word for the second time." It is not recommended to say the phrase: "You don't give a damn about everything."
8. Display statements. For example: “Is it true that I understood you (la)?”, “Allow me, I will repeat to make sure that I have understood (la) the information.”
9. In one position, be on top. You should not respond with anger to aggression, keep silent, give in to your opponent. You should be calm and confident, keep your position.
10. If guilty, feel free to admit it, ask for forgiveness. This commands respect and shows the maturity and intelligence of your personality, and also disarms your opponent.
11. You don't have to prove anything. It is necessary to exchange opinions calmly.
12. Shut up first. This tactic also works to help you get out of a fight and stop it. Only this should be done in such a way that it does not offend the partner, it is not presented in the form of mockery or challenge.
13. Don't add fuel to the fire. Avoid the phrases “What are you mad about?”, “What are you angry about?”. This will only increase the conflict.
14. Get out of disagreement with dignity. It is not necessary, when leaving the room, to slam the door, or to utter an offensive phrase in the end.
15. Wait for your partner to calm down. Let your opponent regard your silence as you like, the main thing is to stop the conflict. And when the partner calms down, you can continue the conversation.
16. No matter how the conflict ends, try to save the relationship. Show respect and show agreement about the strife that has arisen. If you let your opponent "save face", you won't spoil the partnership.

We looked at tips on how to behave in a conflict situation at work. Now let's talk about strategies. In a dispute, both sides evaluate each other's interests, compare questions, they say, what will he gain and what will he lose, how important is the subject of the dispute for the opponent. It is the answers that will contribute to the choice of a model of behavior in a dispute.

Strategies

Distinguish:

1. Care. The strategy is determined by the mutual desire to avoid a dispute.
2. Agreement. This pattern of behavior demonstrates two-way concessions.
3. concession. The partner tries not to get involved in a dispute, and does not consider his own interests, does not give them an assessment.
4. Partnership. The individual puts his own interests and the opinion of his opponent on a high level. The essence is the equal importance of the points of view of both sides and a conscious assessment of interpersonal relationships.
5. Compulsion. Own interests are above all, and the opinion of the opponent, in principle, is not of interest.

When interpersonal relationships - partnership, friendship, and so on - are indifferent to one individual, in a dispute he will show aggression and negativity, adhere to the extreme steps of the strategy (coercion, struggle, rivalry). When a partner has interpersonal relationships at their best, they show constructive behavior and are inclined to agreement, cooperation, withdrawal or concession. So, we briefly reviewed strategies for how to behave in a conflict situation.

What are the dispute resolution methods?

Conditionally divided into two groups:

1. Negative. Here all means are used to defend their goal and achieve victory for only one side.
2. Positive or constructive conflict resolution methods are reasonable competition and all kinds of negotiations.

Often these methods complement one another. And no matter how diverse they are, they still have common features, because at least two people take part in the dispute, where one interferes with the other.

Constructive Methods for Resolving Disputes

The main thing is to keep calm. So, consider the tips on how a constructive person behaves in a conflict situation. Adviсe:

1. Identify the opponent from the disagreement. Do not insult, do not humiliate your partner, do not get personal. Evaluate only words. Point out an erroneous opinion, try to convince, or maybe you will see your mistake.
2. Listen to your opponent's opinion. Even if it's wrong, show respect.
3. Don't interrupt. The ability to listen reduces aggression in a dispute to zero. And the skill of persuading will help constructively resolve the conflict.
4. Use the "I - statements" technique. Start with the words: "I feel ...", "I think that ...". You have to be flexible and adapt to the situation. Do not forget about the topic of conversation, find common ground.

The main thing is to control your behavior in conflict situations so as not to provoke your opponent to aggression and anger.

Consider the rules of behavior of a leader in a conflict situation

1. Keep calm.
2. Keep neutral.
3. Look for compromise solutions.
4. Never hold public hearings.

We examined tips on how to behave in a conflict situation as a leader. It is from the management company that the outcome of the disagreement will depend. He needs to learn a lesson and take a number of actions (change job descriptions, issue new decrees, orders, and so on) in order to prevent the emergence of new conflicts. The more often he communicates with subordinates, and conveys to them legal and corporate norms, organizational values, resolve minor disagreements, major conflicts can be avoided.

How to behave in conflict situations? Ways

In life, it is impossible to do without conflicts, so they must be taken for granted. The main thing is to learn how to competently get out of disputes. You need to let your opponent know that you are not an enemy, that you are positive and interested in resolving the disagreement.

Compulsion

Here it is intended to use different ways pressure on a partner to make a certain decision, an iron struggle for one's own opinion, which is above someone else's, prevails, while completely ignoring it. This method is usually used by the manager to defend the interests of production, but the suppression of the personality of the subordinate can provoke a second dispute.

Mutual concessions

Involves accepting the opponent's point of view. Contributes to the rapid end of the conflict, but often the source of the dispute is not eliminated, which will lead to a new conflict outbreak.

Evasion

The method works when the opponent can get away from the dispute if it is inappropriate, or if the conflict is slowly resolved by itself, or there is no constructive solution, but there is a prospect of its occurrence.

Smoothing

The dispute is not resolved. Sharp corners are simply smoothed out, but the root of the problem remains.

Conflicts with a child

Mutual respect, recognition of positions, views and interests prevail here. Helps to find and analyze the sources of the dispute. And finally, we will find out how to behave in conflict situations with children.

1. Allow the child to speak out, to release emotions outward.
2. Ask him to justify his opinion.
3. Use tricks.
4. Remind yourself of how you feel.
5. Try to find together the cause of the dispute and the end result.
6. Find starting points.
7. Show your interest in resolving the conflict.
8. Be calm, stay equal.
9. Whatever the outcome, keep a good relationship.

The golden rule for resolving any dispute is the competent control of your emotions. Always be calm. Resolve disagreements with the help of logic, knowledge of psychological techniques. How to behave in conflict situations with a child correctly:

• Don't be critical.
• It is not necessary to see bad intentions in the actions of the child.
• It is forbidden to show superiority.
• Do not blame the child, thus removing responsibility from yourself.
• Do not ignore his interests.
• Look at the situation through his eyes.
• Do not show aggression, do not swear.
• Don't press on the sore spots.

To avoid these mistakes, you need to learn the right behavior in conflict situations.