John Bradshaw Homecoming read online. Healing the Inner Child John Bradshaw's "Wounded Child" Questionnaire The questions in this section will reveal the extent of your inner child's injury. b. Basic Needs

Current page: 18 (total book has 28 pages) [accessible reading excerpt: 19 pages]

Skill Building Exercise: Blame Relief

Guilt is one of the most destructive forces in a relationship, and one of the most common uses of projection in a relationship when blame is placed on others. The Guilt Relief Exercise can be done alone or with a partner if you are involved in recriminations. If you do it alone, then it should be a purely written process. You can use a pillow or chair to pretend to be the other person if you need to talk to them. Working in partnership, each of you can write an "indictment" in writing, then exchange them. Or you can blame each other directly. When working in pairs, you can take each step in turn to go in parallel.

Step 1: Blame it on others

In a conflict where you think the other person is at fault, you may want to look for hidden accusations that you are hiding. Write down everything you accuse the other person of. Attribute to him one hundred percent of the blame for what happened, fixing them on paper or verbally.

The task of the partner is to make sure that you do not take on no fault for what happened. If you are doing the exercise alone, read and review your written indictment, and then correct it if it turns out that you did take it upon yourself. some guilt.

Pay attention to how you feel about it. It is usually very pleasant to put all the blame for what happened on others.

Step 2. Take all the blame

This time, you must focus on yourself and blame yourself for everything that happened. Again, write everything down on paper or say it out loud. If you have a partner, his task will be to at this stage you recognized all guilt. Just like the previous time, pay attention to how you feel when you take all the blame on yourself. Compare these sensations with the feelings experienced in the first stage.

Step 3. Who is responsible for all of this?

Responsibility differs from guilt: it means "the ability to respond." This time, look at what happened from a different perspective, asking yourself the question: What degree of responsibility do I initially bear in this situation?», « How much experience and information do I have now, in this situation?», « How can I now use these features in similar situations?»

Write down or speak out your answers and discuss them with your partner, if necessary.

Step 4. What have I learned?

Ask yourself, “How could I do things differently if my capacity for responsibility was used more effectively?”

Write down or say the answer to this question and discuss it with your partner if necessary.

Main conclusions

Projection is a major defense that interferes with intimacy and weakens relationship security.

Projections are present in most conflicts and wars.

The ability to control perception is an important skill for creating and maintaining close relationships.

Your shadow is made up of qualities in your inner child that other people have refused to acknowledge or approve of.

The restoration of vital qualities that you have given up can bring you joy and beneficial consequences.

Chapter 10

You will grow up the day you truly laugh at yourself for the first time.

Ethel Barrymore

We did not manage to find such a person who would satisfy all his developmental needs before he became an adult. No one has perfect parents. Each person has his own unsatisfied developmental needs that affect his upbringing, and our parents are no exception. They – unknowingly – gave you the wrong information. Perhaps they knew very little about the developmental needs of children, and due to this ignorance and lack of knowledge, they traumatized you through the mistakes of inaction and action. (Recall the perceptual exercise we suggested in the context of this topic at the end of Chapter 2 of the book.)

In order to fill in the gaps and correct the misinformation you have received, and to identify and heal developmental traumas, you can end the process of growing up through self-nurturing. There is only one other option at your disposal, which many people choose, and that is to blame your parents, teachers, and other adults who have influenced your life for making mistakes and creating problems for you. But choosing this path will not help you part with your childhood. The process of self-education in adulthood must begin with a reunion with your inner child.

Connecting with your inner child

Many people with counter-addiction problems grow up cut off from their inner child. They either give up many of the qualities inherent in their inner child in order to protect themselves from parental shame and punishment, or due to complete neglect on the part of their parents, they never had these qualities. Unfortunately, as adults, people often treat their inner child in the same way that their parents treated them as children. At some point, you must stop shaming your inner child by addressing him with harsh words like those you heard as a child. This is a form of self-hatred. Using the examples below titled "Hurtful Sayings Your Inner Child May Have Heard," make a list of the things you say to your inner child to shame or offend.

Hurtful things your inner child might have heard

Don't get in the way!

You have no place in my life!

Do not disturb me!

You are still too young to demand and make claims!

I don't have time for you!

I do not like you!

I don't like your experience.

I hate you!

Don't act like an idiot! Are you generally normal?

You can't do anything right!

You'll never get it!

Why love you?

Who do you think you are? Look, the navel of the Earth has been found!

If you remember hearing such statements about yourself, then pay attention to how many of them you still say to yourself. These sayings identify areas of healing where you can reclaim your True Self. Self-nurturing is an important part of healing your wounded inner child.

Healing your inner child

After you have established a strong connection with your inner child, remember all the circumstances of your childhood that made you give up some aspects of your True Self. The perceptual exercises in the first part of this book will help you start to put the pieces together.

It is very important to take responsibility for the healing process, as this helps to free oneself from self-sacrifice and codependency. You can't wait for someone to do it for you. Our encouraging information is that, despite all the spiritual wounds that your inner child has suffered due to abuse or neglect, as an adult, you can heal these wounds. You can explore ways to meet your unmet developmental needs and heal your traumatized inner child. In most cases, it is not that you have forgotten how to do something. You are given the opportunity to learn something new for the first time, something that you were not lucky enough to learn in childhood.

John Bradshaw, in his book Coming Home: Reviving and Protecting Your Inner Child, offers ten parenting rules, listed below in a simplified form called "Your Inner Child's Bill of Rights", that are designed to raise your inner child. 73
J. Bradshaw. Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. New York: Bantam Books, 1990. P. 192–193.

They are a kind of set of rules for his healing. These are rights that were given to you from birth, which you might have been forced to give up when you were a child, and which you can now regain. This is part of the healing process for your inner child.

Working with your experiences

The most essential part of the healing process for your inner child is remembering and expressing repressed experiences, because if they remain repressed, they reinforce old patterns of thought and behavior and prevent you from moving forward. Children are often punished for expressing anger or upset, and they themselves watch others scolded for expressing such feelings. In addition, many of our internal experiences, such as fear of abandonment, grief, anger, and shame, may be too strong for a child to express, even raised by supportive parents. Therefore, you most likely grew up without being aware of or expressing many of your deepest emotions from your childhood.

As we discussed in Chapter 7, many people have not received reliable information from their parents, teachers, and other adults about the purpose of their experiences. Skills that should be taught in kindergarten may not have been taught at all, and this can be an obstacle to building intimacy in adult relationships. An important part of your self-nurturing as an adult is learning how to use your feelings and experiences to achieve greater intimacy.

Bill of Rights for your inner child

1. You have the right to experience all your feelings. There is no such thing as "wrong" feelings. You can learn effective ways to use your feelings to meet your needs.

2. You have the right to want what you want. You can actively pursue what you want and directly ask for it.

3. You are entitled to what you see and hear. You have the right to have the final say on what you see and hear.

4. You have the right to have fun and play whenever you want. You can decide when, where and with whom you want to play.

5. You have the right to tell the truth when you see it. You can listen to the opinions of others, but decide for yourself what is true for you.

6. You have the right to set personal limits and boundaries. This helps you feel secure and confident.

7. You have the right to your own thoughts, feelings and actions. You should not be held responsible for anything that does not belong to you.

8. You have the right to make mistakes. There is no such thing as a "bad" mistake. Mistakes are useful because they help us learn.

9. You have the right to privacy and are responsible for respecting the privacy of others. Do not knowingly violate the privacy of others.

10. You are entitled to problems and conflicts. You don't have to be perfect to be loved.

An almost universal childhood experience is renunciation, which is felt especially strongly if parents or other adults do not support or reflect the child's inner feelings. The illusion that most young children have is that parents should know how to mirror their inner experiences. When parents don't do this, children feel rejected from their inner selves. After this happens many times, the children simply give up their own personal inner self. Children who have not become emotionally empowered often depend on the opinions of others, allowing others to define who they really are. In short, as adults, such children remain cut off from their inner child.

Another common form of renunciation is physical absence. Young children under the age of two cannot go for long periods of time without their mother or other people to whom they are attached. For example, if parents go on vacation for a week and leave a child under a year old with a nanny or relatives, the child may think they have been abandoned. If a mother goes to the hospital to give birth to another child, it can be seen as a double renunciation (physical and emotional) because when she returns, all her attention may be focused on the new baby. For this reason, we recommend making the age difference between children at least three years old. By this time, the older child will become more independent and ready for independence.

Parents should be aware that when they leave small children, even for a short period of time, they must look the children in the eyes and let them know they are leaving and be sure to tell them when they will be back. Even if children have no concept of time, they will understand the intonation of the message. One of our clients with a severe eating disorder said that when she was two years old, her grandmother took her into the kitchen and distracted her with cookies while her parents slipped out the door and went on a two-week vacation. This client is currently suffering from a strong fear of being abandoned by her partner and is unable to eat while experiencing this fear.

Psychotherapist James Masterson says that the hidden sides of the depression that usually accompanies renunciation are intense feelings of panic, fear, anger, shame, grief, despair, and emptiness. 74
J.Masterson. The Search for the Real Self. New York: Free Press, 1988.

Suppression of such memories keeps these strong feelings out of our consciousness. The problem is that the experiences associated with these memories were very strong when they arose in a child, but as an adult they no longer seem so overwhelming. Most adults, however, act like they are still one or two years old and refuse to experience these inner feelings. No adult has yet died from experiencing their inner feelings, no matter how strong they may seem. However, many adults suppressed their feelings and experiences and died from the diseases caused by this suppression.

Alice Miller writes about the importance of grief over losing your True Self and losing your innocence as a child. 75
A. Miller. Prisoners of Childhood. New York: Basic Books, 1981.

The truth is that we can never go back to childhood! It's gone forever. But in adulthood, it is possible to experience childhood sensations and then move forward to the completion of developmental processes not completed in childhood. Probably, today there is not a single adult who does not have some processes that were not completed in childhood.

Most people try to bypass these unfinished processes with methods that can compensate for these violations. For example, people who have problems with emotions may enter into relationships with very expressive and sociable partners. However, by suppressing the memory of your unmet developmental needs, you may miss out on an opportunity to meet those needs as an adult. Maybe your unmet developmental needs have prompted you to develop certain qualities in yourself that you would not have encountered in a different situation! One way or another, these unfinished processes still remain and in some way slow down your development. You don't have to endure this hindrance anymore. You can remove trauma and free yourself to live happier lives and have secure, close relationships in the future.

Layering experiences

The picture below depicts the layering of experiences and feelings that people create. The outer layers serve as protection against the experience of inner feelings. Note that positive and negative experiences are part of the core, so when you access these inner experiences, you experience more joy, love, excitement, and bliss.

The process of identifying and expressing your inner feelings is best done in therapy groups because groups provide the person with the security and support needed to overcome the fear of experiencing inner feelings. Watching other group members work with deep inner emotions often triggers emotional responses that you can no longer contain. Self-help or twelve-step groups are not usually designed to deal with deep emotions, but they can provide needed cognitive help before and after emotion-related activities are performed.

The final word of caution regarding the study of memories has to do with renunciation. Rage, one of the inner feelings, is a common reaction to renunciation. When a person expresses rage, it is like a two-year-old child having a temper tantrum. As people unleash their primary feelings, they can harm themselves or others. Rage must be expressed in a safe environment, and group members can help the person safely release their rage by holding their arms, legs, and head so that the body can move freely and completely release the rage without hurting themselves. In order to release your rage, you will need to work with a therapist who has been trained to make this task easier for you.

Proper release of rage can be performed quickly, with beneficial results. If you are a psychotherapist working with a client, before dealing with rage, make sure the person does not have any health problems that could escalate (such as heart disease or high blood pressure). Another effective and less violent way of dealing with rage is to have the person twist and squeeze a towel. (This method is especially well suited to those who imagine that they are strangling their offenders.)

We have discovered an additional, highly successful way to help people express intense rage, which involves beating a mattress or vinyl frameless chair with a tennis racket. When a tennis racket strikes a vinyl surface, a loud crackling sound is heard, which many people find satisfying. At the same time, we always emphasize that they do not beat the person they are angry with, but simply express their feelings and emotions. In addition, it may be helpful to place a pillow nearby to represent the person the client would like to witness their anger expressed over parental errors of inaction and action.

Self-education skills

Learning self-care skills means taking responsibility for healing your inner child and actively protecting it. This involves letting go of the illusion that if you become impeccable, smart, or obedient, then your parents or others in their stead will provide you with everything you need. The only way to heal your inner child is to directly ask for what you want from those who have what you need, and get the rest yourself. Let's take a look at four groups of remedial parenting skills that will help you do just that.

Identifying your unfinished development processes

At each stage of development, there are special needs that must be met in order to complete the developmental processes of this stage. It is important to know what these processes are and which ones you have not completed. In the table given in the first chapter, we have listed the main processes for each stage of development. Once you have determined which ones you need to complete, you are ready to begin the work of self-education.

Use of developing positive statements

There are positive auspicious sayings that you must have heard when you were children. If you have not received this kind of information and / or heard negative statements addressed to you, then you now need to hear these positive statements from other people and learn how to say them to yourself. These can be statements like: “I’m glad you were born”, “Your place is here”, “I love you the way you are”, “You are worthy of love and very capable”, “You can ask that you you want and what you need”, “You can trust your intuition”, “You can think for yourself”, “I won’t leave you”.

Also, you may want to go back to Chapter 2 and check the two lists you made in the Mistakes of Doing and Doing exercise to make sure they include any developmental positive statements you didn’t hear but would like to hear.

Conclusion of educational contracts

Once you have determined what kind of developmental positive statements you want to hear, find someone who is willing to say those words to you and make a deal with them. If you wanted to hear these statements from the mother, then you can opt for a female representative and ask her to pronounce these words. If you wanted to hear them from your father, then choose a man to pronounce them. Be aware of how much resistance you still have to making positive statements. You learned to live without encouragement and could convince yourself that you really didn't need it. It is important to ask that they be repeated to you until you overcome any resistance in accepting them. If you find yourself unable to listen to them calmly, just acknowledge your resistance and wait until next time. You may need to release some of your anger and resentment in order to receive positive support.

True love grows out of a union in which each other's best interests are as important as each's own interest.

You can enter into parenting contracts with friends, a spouse, sister or brother, or others close to you who are interested in helping you through this deep healing process. Choose only those people with whom you feel safe and who consider it their duty to help your development. When a couple negotiates to interact and support each other in meeting their unmet developmental needs, they create many wonderful opportunities for new depths of love and non-sexual intimacy.

Truly loving people are able to live from their True Self, fragmentation and community, and support and encourage the efforts of others to achieve wholeness. The conclusion of a parenting contract is one of the ways in which partners help each other. Below we offer you an example of a conversation that could take place between two people entering into such a contract.

Psychologist, psychotherapist, Jungian-oriented psychodrama therapist, business coach and coach, organizational development consultant, director of the Institute of Psychodrama, Coaching and Role Training (IPKiRT), founding member of the Federation of European Psychodramatic Training Organizations, co-founding member of the Federation of Psychodramatic Training Institutes of Russia .

The concept of "Inner Child"

A. The term "Inner Child" (IR) is used in many different schools of psychotherapy. VR in most of them is considered as something unified. VR is that part of our personality that is responsible for the ability to experience strong and deep intense feelings, for direct self-expression, improvisation. With the help of the concept of VR, we describe that place in ourselves where we know what we want and what is good for us, what fills and nourishes us, which helps to restore strength, find meaning and solve problems. It is our VR stands for the word "I want". According to Eric Berne, VR, which he called Natural, is the source of intuition, creativity, spontaneous impulses and joy.

VR is also considered as the Basic "I", which is responsible for the activity of our body and the accumulation of energy in the body, for the wisdom of the body - instincts, premonitions, hidden abilities and memory. VR is that internal role in which a person feels his bodily needs, enjoys life, indulges himself in a healthy way, allows himself to follow his desires, dreams and fantasizes.

A person with Healthy VR is characterized by openness to the world, sincerity, ease, spontaneity of actions, playfulness, curiosity. As well as ingenuity, energy, inspiration, assertiveness, the ability to find a way out of any situation, the ability to laugh at what is happening to him and at himself. According to Jung, the child inside embodies the vital forces and possibilities, the strong and irresistible desire of every being for self-realization, for its Self, the connection of Soul and Spirit. True VR is thus the primary manifestation of our deep inner being.

VR is that part of a whole person that allows him to be close to other people, nature, God. He joyfully accepts care and love, is open, gentle and trusting to those he loves. And this is not only his strength, but also vulnerability, fragility. VR is a spontaneous, natural and at the same time sensitive and vulnerable part of our soul.

VR is our childhood experience that we keep in our souls until old age. This is the experience of what really happened to us in the past, as we perceived it "there and then." And this is not only the experience of a happy, carefree, joyful childhood, not only the experience of love, but also all childhood traumas, unfulfilled dreams, shattered fantasies, childhood resentments and fears. VR is the experience of our frustrations, injustice, violence, lack of emotional contact with parents and loved ones, the experience of rejection and threats of deprivation of love, loss and loss, sorrow and grief. In our experience, everything that we came out with from various life tests of our childhood is recorded. . Everything that made us adapt and survive.

VR can manifest in our adult life as a Natural, True, Golden, Magical Child only then , when he is safe and content. The experience of an unfavorable childhood leads to the formation of a lonely, frightened Wounded VR. And it is his wounds that ache in us.

Childhood experience affects adult life, no matter how much a person wants to separate from it. By isolating the Wounded Inner Child within ourselves, not paying enough attention to it, forgetting about it, ignoring, and sometimes even denying its very existence, we protect ourselves from experiencing pain, but at the same time we are deprived of the resources that are hidden in this experience.

The wounded Inner Child, who tries unsuccessfully to reach out to our adult “I”, screams about his unsatisfied desires, cries in pain and horror, but he is not heard and not consoled, but on the contrary, rejected, often dominates in our lives. And then we look at many situations and relationships in our adult life through the eyes of this child in us, and behave based on the feelings and emotions of this child. And a person who has become a hostage to his inner child inevitably cannot fulfill his adult tasks, makes many mistakes and suffers along with him. At any age, we are faced with the “whims” of VR, when our actions are contrary to his desires. If in childhood there was not enough attention, there were insults, bullying and humiliation, VR perceives the world as dangerous, loses trust in it, and makes us worry, fear mistreatment and closes or manifests itself as aggressive, embittered and touchy.

A person with Wounded VR often loses contact with their true feelings and desires, fulfilling the requirements of the false self. Which leads to a constant feeling of emptiness, a "hole" in the soul - an agonizing, dreary feeling that something most important is lost. This is how Wounded VR mourns for his true self. And just not to hear this melancholy, he strives with all his might to fill this “Hole” with at least something. And trying to plug this hole is the source of many of our problems. Wounded BP is behind so many complaints from clients: feelings of emptiness and loneliness, apathy, that their life seems boring and meaningless to them, a feeling of being unable to truly be present in life and relationships, to get satisfaction from life. And, on the contrary, behind the experience of constant mental pain and egocentric fixation on this pain. Ignoring or suppressing VR also leads to blocking of energy, low immunity of the body and disobedience of the body to volitional control. And the more we dislike him, reject him, the more he goes into the Shadow and the worse it becomes for us adults. Outcast Injured VR can be not only a small helpless victim, he can become angry and become a merciless avenger. In a state of being possessed by the Rejected Shadow, the Crazy Wounded Child, we harm ourselves in any business and in relationships with other people.

In each of us at any moment of our life there is a certain combination of the Natural True Healthy Inner Child and the Wounded Child.

Help the client in the healing of the Wounded VR, in the transformation of the vulnerable child into the spontaneous, acceptance and integration of all aspects his VR is an important area of ​​work for the therapist. Such work contributes not only to solving a number of specific problems, but also to gaining access to important resources, improves the quality of the client's relationship with himself, other people and life.

Clients, for the most part, are unaware of either Healthy True BP or Wounded BP. They simply present their life difficulties to the therapist. But, even having an idea about VR, clients, as a rule, do not realize the connection of one or another of their problems with their Wounded Childhood.

Work experience shows that, unfortunately, there are not many people who fully accept their childish part, not knowing or even knowing about it.

There are cases, and there are many of them, when in the course of therapy the client's identification is revealed only with his adult, rational or pragmatic part, and it turns out that the client does not accept the childish part in himself at all, or even completely rejects him. Then the work aimed at acceptance, emotionally positive contact with the Inner Child as a whole gives him significant advancement. Our workshop was not about such cases, although it can be useful for such clients to find out what exactly they do not accept in their VR the most.

However, it often turns out that people who already have experience in therapy, who know about VR (including the Wounded One), accept their childish part only partially. There are even clients who, after a long therapy, complain: “It seems that I already accept my childish part as a whole, pamper the Inner Child, take care of him, but for some reason there are still problems.”

Metaphor - "The Parent of Many Children and His Inner Children"

The image of the inner Parent is quite differentiated. We know its pros and cons, we know its different characters, roles, messages. The image of the Inner Child, in our opinion, is little differentiated. This is one of the possible explanations why in the course of therapy, in many cases, after the identification and healing of the Inner Child, the problem is not completely solved. In fact, after successfully working with one of the Wounded Inner Children, another dissatisfied Wounded Child turns on and introduces the adult into another problematic state.

In some therapeutic approaches there is a notion that there is not only one "Inner Child", that there are many Well-Being and Wounded Children in each of us. However, firstly, such approaches are not very common.

Secondly, practical therapeutic work within these approaches is carried out either sequentially with Inner Children of different ages (for example, John Bradshaw considers several children of different ages according to Erik Erickson's stages), or separately with Inner Children of different character (for example, Eric Berne singled out three children - Natural Child, Adaptive and Destructive). There is also such a view on the problem of Inner Children, when each of them is understood as a consequence of one specific childhood trauma and as a synonym for the strategy developed for this trauma to cope with the chaos of life and the thirst for attention, a way of survival and protective behavior that corresponds to this trauma and gave rise to its severe external and internal circumstances.

Thus, one trauma seems to give birth to a new child. But then the very idea of ​​the Inner Child simply loses its meaning.

In accordance with the metaphor of the Parent of Many Children, each of us has some limited number of parts of our VR, that is, a group of Inner Children defined by composition. Indeed, as a result of different real wounds we received in childhood, different coping strategies, ways of protective adaptation are born, which are reflected in the characters of our Inner Children. But these strategies are not developed for every injury, but in general as a certain line, as a direction, as a trend. We all have these tendencies. And we can say metaphorically that such a tendency forms one BP.

It is known that society treats parents with many children at least ambivalently, and often even very negatively. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that the Inner Parent is generally not perceived as having many children. And work with Inner Children as a group is not considered by any of the existing campaigns. While the metaphor "Parent of many children and his Inner Children" encourages the therapist to think of the need for purposeful work with the client precisely as with the Parent of a whole group of Inner Children participating in the client's actual problem, just as parents in a real family often have to interact with everyone with their children at once, and not only separately with each of them. A group is more than the sum of the individuals who participate in it. Therefore, working in the metaphor of the "Parent of many children", from our point of view, can give a more successful therapeutic effect than the idea that the Inner Child is one, or that the Inner Parent deals with each of the Inner Children separately.

Numerous difficulties of parents in a large family are well known. Just like in a real large family, the Inner Parent has a hard time, and sometimes for various reasons he cannot cope with his tasks, including simply getting tired. When a parent with many children fails, our inner “home” becomes chaotic. Dysfunctional Inner Children can continue to experience their “traumas” (resentment, fear, guilt, etc.) inflicted on them by parental figures in childhood, experience the fear of separation. And it has many long-term negative consequences in adulthood, including dependency on other people.

In order to cope with its tasks, the Inner Parent needs to be able to do a lot, and often the necessary skills are not enough, including the ability to properly deal with different children. Even the parents of the same child actually deal with “different” children. They should be able to interact differently with their child at different ages, in different states, in different manifestations (obedient, affectionate, funny, capricious, aggressive, crying). Moreover, this skill is necessary for a parent with many children. Like real children, different Inner Children can want and demand different things at the same time. And the Inner Parent often has to wage a "war" on several fronts at once, trying to satisfy their desires. And it is energy-consuming and often painful.

In addition, in real, as a rule, in dysfunctional families with more than one child, parents often have different attitudes towards their children - benevolent towards some children, and intolerant towards others. For some reason, for example, dad loves a mischievous, inquisitive child. And mother, on the contrary, cannot stand him, and loves the affectionate, obedient, and the mischievous one irritates her, interferes with her, and she shows him her negative attitude in every possible way. The same can be manifested in relation to the different behavior and state of the same child.

If we follow the analogy with a real large family, then in the inner family, due to various circumstances, there may be a different attitude towards different children. Indeed, during psychodramatic work with certain specific life problems, playing the role of their VR, the protagonists show different types of behavior, different characters. At the same time, it turns out that acceptance, love, concerns only some aspects of VR, that is, such VR, which is perceived as "My child" and this does not at all apply to other children's roles in themselves. Often one has to deal with the non-acceptance by the protagonists of a particular children's role, and even with an aggressive attitude towards it. They seem to send a message: “this is not my child, this is some kind of bad, harmful part of me that I want to get rid of.” Thus, in the inner family of such protagonists there are Inner children who are perceived by them as strangers, bad, not desired. Moreover, there can be different attitudes towards Inner Children with the same qualities. So, for example, one protagonist in the course of psychodrama from the role of the Parent accepts his Inner Child, crying from resentment, suffering, lonely. And it turns out a touching scene where he pities him, hugs him, shakes him. But the same protagonist shows rejection and even hatred for the stubborn, protesting Child, perceives him as a harmful, nasty disobedient. The other protagonist, on the contrary, accepts in himself, is ready to support just the stubborn protester - "he is strong and persistent," our man ", I can respect such a person." And the suffering, lonely crying one is despised, called “snotty nurse”, “weakling”.

One gets the impression that we look at those Inner Children whom we do not accept, as if through a “shard of a troll mirror” from the fairy tale “The Snow Queen”. Our traumatic childhood experience becomes this fragment of an evil mirror. Through the prism of this experience, as through a distorting "mirror of a troll", only bad aspects are seen in any living, complex phenomenon, and moreover, a negative assessment can also be given to something essentially good, natural. And then we will call a spontaneous, joyful child - "impudent, self-willed, dissolute, stupid, etc." And in need of parental love - "sticky molested."

Rejecting our Wounded Inner Children, sending them into the Shadow, not only can we run into big trouble. But also, because of the "mirror of the troll" we lose something, we are deprived of very important resources, opportunities that, remaining in the Shadow, are not used in adulthood. They constitute what Jung called the "Golden Shadow". And if we reject, for example, a "nurse", then we lose contact with living human feelings, with pain and compassion. And if, on the contrary, we reject the protesting Inner Child, who stamps his foot and stubbornly demands “I want”, then we refuse to defend our “I want”, and we cannot defend our needs, interests in many situations of adult life.

What turns out to be in the Shadow, what qualities? And why do we not accept, reject, or notice Inner Children with precisely such qualities? We tried to compile a far from complete list of possible reasons why this or that Inner Child becomes Unfavorable for us, is rejected and, accordingly, goes into the Shadow. In general, one way or another, behind this are negative Parental figures from our childhood or siblings - “competitors”. In our opinion, among the reasons for rejection:

BUT/. Identification with parental restrictions

Projection onto the Inner Children of social disapproval and disapproval of parental figures. Everything that was forbidden to be done, what parents forbade to be, whom they did not want to see in us, can go into the Shadow. For example, you can't be spontaneous, disobedient, or weak, helpless, can't cope on your own, ask for help. Or simply - "never be like dad."

B/. Identification with parental emotional rejection. Copying a parent's attitude towards their Inner Child and confronting the child's role that they emotionally rejected .

AT/. Identification with the parent figure, the desire to copy its behavior and the rejection of everything in itself that contradicts the copied role. For example, being sad like a mother and rejecting a cheerful child.

G/. Identification with the game proposed by the parent figure, the choice of a role that is complementary to its role. For example, mother-victim - daughter-savior.

E/. Counter-identification with the parent figure. The childish decision not to identify with any of the parental figures, with her childish infantile part that hurt. This decision to never be like this parent figure can lead to a rejection of the roles assigned to the negative parent figure. Which manifests itself either as a choice of roles opposite to the rejected parental roles, or simply in the refusal to play them, in an effort to exclude these roles from one's life.

F/. Preoccupation with one or another Dysfunctional Inner Child as a way to survive

Z/. Obsession with the conflict with the sibling, the children's sibling competition for parental attention, including opposition to the child's role, which is similar to the sibling competitor.

AND/. Conflict of the Inner Children, including the conflict between accepted and not accepted, or between not accepted Children.

In the course of psychodrama, one can detect not only the selective identification of protagonists with certain VR roles, but also other phenomena and processes that are similar to those that occur in a real large family, including sibling competition. Inner children, like real children, are sensitive to the difference in attitude towards themselves and perceive it as a manifestation of inequality. And they react to it with a protest or any other inappropriate behavior.

As in a real family, in our inner family there are, therefore, favorites - these are Healthy Prosperous and some Wounded Disadvantaged Children we already accept. There are also the actively and passively rejected Wounded Disadvantaged Children who we don't accept, don't love, can't stand, or are ambivalent about. It takes a lot of strength and patience to take care of even those Inner Children whom we already love and accept. It is even more difficult with children, who cause rejection and irritation in us.

Of the Wounded Disadvantaged Children Not Accepted, some we know and some we don't. Those Unfavorable Inner Children that we do not know, do not see, do not notice, do not realize their presence in ourselves - represent the deepest hyperinflated Shadow. I called them "Invisible Children".

Moreover, they are invisible only for ourselves, they are usually quite clearly visible to those around them. Our Internal Not Accepted Wounded

Invisible children hide inside us and wait for the right moment to speak out and take power over us. And then they bring the biggest trouble. But as soon as we notice, realize them in ourselves, we can already say - “I do not accept this child, but I know him in myself”, their destructive influence on our life is significantly reduced.

In general, the use of the metaphor "Parent of many children and his Inner Children" is useful for focusing the problems of clients in relations with their VR, contributes to a deeper awareness of the relationship between different children's parts and internal integration as a whole. And mastering the difficult role of the Inner Parent with many children can be considered as one of the important strategic tasks of therapeutic work. To solve it, it seems important to help clients:

• Get to know all your Inner Children as best you can
• Understand your attitude to each of them, accept them and love
• Learn to deal with each of them, master different ways of interacting with different Inner Children,
• Learn to interact with them all at the same time, coordinate their interests both among themselves and with their Adult needs and goals.

If we find and gather all the unacceptable Dysfunctional Wounded Inner Children and establish contact with them and between all our Inner Children, we can not only get rid of a lot of problems, but also regain important resources that belong to our childish part.

Mastering the role of the Large Inner Parent was the subject of our workshop. A structured psychodramatic technique was presented at the workshop: “A parent with many children and Wounded Inner Children” and thematic psychodramatic vignettes were held. In the course of working at the workshop, we, firstly, sought to get a clearer idea of ​​what kind of Children we have inside of us. Moreover, the main attention was paid to the Troubled Inner Children representing the painful experience of our childhood. We tried to figure out which of our Inner Troubled Wounded Children we do not yet fully or partially accept, to look more closely at those Inner Wounded Children whom we know and reject and sometimes hate, and those with whom relations are dear to us, but difficult and painful. Secondly, we have worked hard to find the lost, forgotten and hidden Wounded Children, invisible to us. Thirdly, we tried to take the first steps towards establishing a connection with those of our Inner Children who were previously rejected or not noticed, thereby recognizing our Shadow, in order to accept and love them. And with the help of psychodramatic action, integrate a part of the energy of the Shadow, include this energy in your life.

Description of the Structured Psychodramatic Technique "Gathering the Wounded Inner Children"

1. Warm-ups:

A. Spectrograms How much do I know my Inner Children? (horizontal or vertical)

1. Spectrogram. Instructions: “Think of the Inner Children you are accepting, including the Wounded. Try to estimate from 0% to 100%, as far as you know them.
2. Spectrogram. Instruction: “Think about your Inner Children that you do not accept, reject, avoid. Try to estimate from 0% to 100%, as far as you know them.

Facilitator's comment: at the workshop, it turned out that the participants know less about Unacceptable Inner Children, which helped to create a mood for the participants to explore them in themselves.

B. Warming up "My children's photo album"

Instruction:

"Close your eyes. Imagine that you are mentally flipping through a photo album with your childhood photos. On them you will see a cheerful or surprised child, or maybe sad or offended, angry or withdrawn. Take a closer look at a variety of your childhood photographs from different ages.

Blitz-poll of the group:

“Raise your hands, those who saw at least three photos? Who hasn't seen a single photo with a positive attitude, such as cheerful or contented?

Who has not seen a single photo with a bad mood?

1. Social atom "Me and my Inner Children"

A. Introductory remarks by the director: Take a sheet of paper. You have to draw a little "The Social Atom of Inner Children". Place in the center of the sheet - "I" - as an adult Parent of your Inner Children (in relation to our inner children, we are both mom and dad).

B. Short Meditation: The Gallery of Inner Children

Instruction:

"Close your eyes. Let your imagination take you into the role of the parent of your Inner Children and show your Inner Children near and around you. Try to consider the image of each of them. What are the children who live inside you? What do they mean to you? Think about your relationship with your Inner Children. Pay attention to your feelings and sensations in relation to each Child. Are you glad to see him, do you feel sympathy and tenderness for him, or does he strain you with his manifestations, cause some negative feelings, or maybe feelings of rejection, rejection? When you have considered all the Inner Children that come into your mind, open your eyes.”

B. Drawing the Social Atom

Instruction:

“There is a piece of paper in front of you. Arrange on the sheet around the "I" your different Inner Children like planets around the sun. Place each of them at a different distance, above or below the “I”, above or below, as you intuitively feel the place of this particular child in relation to yourself. Place all the Inner Children that come to mind right now. Later you will have the opportunity to add your picture. Give each, as a name, a name - a characteristic, describing it in two or three words. For example - "grouchy dull whiner." If the noun is not found, it can be described with adjectives - "grouchy dull whining", or verbs, for example, "the one that grumbles and whines." With the help of two or three words, from the point of view of the theory of roles of the Australian school of psychodrama, you can create an image of any role. Write down these names-characteristics so that they fit, and you yourself can read them.

1. Analysis of the Social Atom by category of Inner Children

A. Introductory words of the director:

“Let's do some analysis of the Social Atoms to get to know our Inner Children better. I will name several categories of Inner Children in turn. If at least one child does not appear in any of the categories, just pay attention to it. And, if, when you mention a category, you remember some of your Inner Children, you can add their names to your Social Atom - characteristics.

B. Finding Healthy Prosperous Inner Children

Director's Introduction: A Brief Definition of the Healthy Child

Instruction:

“Think of the Healthy Prosperous Children that live within you, that is, the different roles of our healthy, natural Childhood.

You know them and fully accept them. You look at these Inner Children without a “troll mirror”, and they are a source of resources for you. What are your Healthy Inner Children like? How do they behave, what qualities do they show, what do you especially like about them? Look at your Social Atom. Does he have such Inner Children? And if there's one or more of those kids, raise up your hands.

Further in our workshop, we will no longer refer to this category of Inner Children. But now think suddenly someone is forgotten. And, if you remember at least one more such BP, give it a name and a characteristic and find a place for it there. Or maybe there are a few more Healthy Prosperous Inner Children inside you? Then add them to your Social Atom"

C. Finding the Wounded Disadvantaged Inner Children.

Director's introduction:

- A brief definition of the concept of the Wounded Child.

“Let's see what kind of Wounded Children live in you? What are they, what qualities do they have? Are there Wounded Disadvantaged Inner Children in your Social Atom? Hands up, who doesn't have more than one Wounded Child?"

“As you discover in the course of our work in your various Wounded Troubled Inner Children, try to be aware of how you feel about each of them. Maybe you will feel: compassion, pity, warmth, respect? Or a feeling of powerlessness, confusion, confusion, anxiety, fear, disappointment? Or maybe rejection, the desire to close, distance from him, hostility, anger, irritation, disgust, contempt, awkwardness, shame for them? Something else?"

“Now we will try to look at the different categories of our Wounded Inner Children.

1. Wounded inner children, taken in full

Instruction:

“Think of those Wounded Inner Children of yours that you know and already accept and love, those that you have always loved and those that you previously did not accept, rejected. About such Wounded Children whom I can console, rock, hug. What are they, Wounded Children, accepted by you. How do they behave, what qualities do they show? And what exactly do you take in them? Maybe this is a suffering, lonely orphan or, on the contrary, a protesting stubborn one.

Look at your Social Atom. Does he have such Inner Children? And if there's one or more of those kids, raise up your hands.

Think about it, maybe you will find that one or more of these Wounded Inner Children live inside you? Then give them names - characteristics and add them to your Social Atom.

1. Wounded inner children, accepted but difficult

Instruction:

“Think of those Wounded Children within us that you accept, relationships with whom you hold dear, although often sometimes extremely difficult and painful,

And you, just like in real life with your beloved, but difficult children, have to constantly deal with them, entertain, rock them, spend a lot of time and energy. What are these, accepted by you, but difficult Wounded Inner Children? How do they behave, what qualities do they show? What do you like and dislike about them, and what exactly is difficult?

Look at your Social Atom. Does he have such Inner Children? And if you find one or more of those kids out there, raise your hands.

Think about it, maybe one of your Wounded Inner Children living in your inner family was not there? Then give them names - characteristics and add them to your Social Atom.

1. Wounded Difficult inner children not accepted in part or in full

Director's introduction:

"Now let's turn our attention to those Wounded Children within us that we

we know in ourselves, but we do not accept. These are our Troubled Children. We constantly or from time to time look at them through the prism of the Troll Mirror. And we do not accept either actively (we drive away, get annoyed, ashamed) or passively (we try not to notice, avoid, ignore)

3A. Wounded Inner children not accepted in part

Instruction:

“Look, are there any Wounded Children among your Unfavorable Inner Children to whom you have an ambivalent, ambivalent attitude - and I accept and do not accept? Moreover, the proportion of non-acceptance can be more or less. One extreme - I accept this BP, but in some situations it interferes with my life. For example, you can take your VR loving to play. But he is wounded and offended when he is not allowed to play as much as he wants. He interferes with doing important adult things, then I get angry at him and reject him. Or there may be another extreme - I do not accept this BP, but there are situations when it is still useful to me and at these moments I accept it. For example, a brazen stubborn person sometimes helps me defend my interests, although he most often causes serious trouble.

What are the partially unacceptable Wounded Inner Children to whom you are ambivalent? How do they behave, what qualities do they show? What do you like and dislike about them?

Think about it, maybe one of your partially unaccepted Wounded Inner Children was not in your Social Atom? If you remember one or more of these VDs, give them names-characteristics and add them to your Social Atom.

3B. Wounded Inner Children Wholly Unaccepted and Rejected

Instruction:

“Look, if there are Dysfunctional Inner Wounded Children in your Social Atom, whom you know well in yourself, you are aware of their presence in your life, but you cannot accept them at all. You do not like them, reject them, and sometimes even hate them.

What are the totally unaccepted Wounded Inner Children? How do they behave, what qualities do they show? What do you not like about them?

Look at your Social Atom. Does he have such Inner Children? And if you find one or more, raise your hands.

Are there actively rejected unloved children among them? Such to whom you feel irritation, disgust, whom are you ashamed of, to whom do you say “leave, leave me alone”? Hands up.

Or maybe you will find other children among them, just as unloved, but whom you do not passively accept - ignore, avoid, try not to notice, not remember, not think about them? Everything is the same as it often happens in a real family, even of two children. One is scolded all the time, and the other is not noticed. And no one knows who is worse.

Think about it, maybe one of your completely unacceptable Wounded Inner Children was not in your Social Atom? Maybe you just forgot someone? If you remember one or more of these VDs, give them names-characteristics and add them to your Social Atom ».

1. Injured Disrupted Inner Invisible Children

Instruction:

« All the Unfortunate Wounded Children you have already found are the sources of our various life problems. And now we will look for those Wounded Inner Children who are unconsciously not accepted by us to the extent that we do not know, do not see them in ourselves. And, of course, they are not yet in your Social Atom. These are the Unfavorable Children, the Invisibles, unknown to us, rejected and unloved by us. They are the Shadow behind us. And when this Shadow takes power over us, takes possession of us, it creates the most serious difficulties. And we already have to notice our difficulties. Only now we do not know where these difficulties come from, we do not know that our Invisible Children are hidden behind them. These Inner Children represent the extremely hyperinflated, bloated Shadow child part. They are so deep in the Shadow that it is not at all easy to find them in oneself. We almost never present the Invisible Child ourselves in therapy as a request or complaint. And only sometimes we can reach it in the course of therapy, and at the later stages of work with the problem that is associated with it. On the other hand, it is often just such a dysfunctional Invisible Child, unconscious of us, that those around us see well in us. And, as a rule, it irritates them.

And later in the course of our workshop, we will try to find some of these lost, forgotten or hidden Unfortunate Injured Invisible Children. And of course, we will pay attention to the entire “team” of our Disadvantaged Rejected Children as a whole. Actually, our life difficulties and problems are mainly connected with them. The more accurate picture of the composition of your Inner children you make, the easier it will be for you to deal with many of your problems later.

Comment: During the workshop, participants found among their Wounded Inner Children representatives of all the categories mentioned above.

G. Individual work.

Instruction:

“Close your eyes, focus. Maybe when considering some categories you have found one or more of your Inner Children who are not in your Social Atom? If you find it, raise your hands. Give them names - characteristics, find a place for them there and add them. Be aware of how they make you feel right now.”

4.Technique: "Real children, not accepted by us. Photo album.

A. Meditation.

Instruction:

“We explored our inner family. Now let's turn our attention to the outside world. Close your eyes. Think about real children who, when you interact with them, are forced to take care of them or just look at them, see their behavior, cause you rejection, irritation or any other negative feelings. These can be children whom you have met in your life: your children, relatives, children of acquaintances or completely alien children whom you encounter, on vacation, at a party, on the street, in a restaurant. It could also be the kids you saw in the movies. Imagine a gallery of animated photographs of various scenes with such children. Maybe you will participate in some kind of skit or just watch from the sidelines. When you look at such a child, what happens to you? What exactly do you feel when you see his behavior? How do you react to his behavior in real life? Maybe wet? Are you saying or doing something? From the photographs you see, choose one, two, but no more than three such children who evoke in you the strongest negative feelings of any kind. Come up with and write down on a piece of paper your name-characteristic for each of them. Save this sheet, we will need it later.

Comment: As a work option, it is possible to act out scenes about real children who are not accepted.

B. Complementing the Social Atom of the Inner Children. Individual work.

Instruction:

“Look at the names you wrote down—characteristics of Real Children that evoke strong negative feelings in you. Now go back to your Social Atom. See if there are such Children in the Social Atom of your Inner Children? It may turn out that one of them is already there. This means that this is such a Child that you know and do not accept either in yourself or in those around you. Raise your hands, those who did not have one of your chosen aliens, not accepted, unloved by you Real Children in your Social Atom. Those who raised their hands may have found one of their lost, forgotten Invisible Children.

Perhaps you will remember situations in which you sometimes behave this way, without wanting it yourself. Or, on the contrary, maybe you never behave like this, but your reaction to such behavior in adulthood, from your point of view, is emotionally excessive. Our Invisible Inner Child is often exactly what we don't like about other people, and perhaps rightly so, but their behavior causes an overreaction. Overreaction tells us about our Shadow. It may indicate that this Inner Child of yours was once rejected, sent to a distant Shadow, because you were frustrated by other people who behaved like such a Child. And you have lost contact with the resources that it carries in itself.

This is of course only a possible clue to you in your search for the Invisible Children.

But, if you felt that you recognized him, in one sense or another, (or in the sense that you sometimes behave this way, or your reaction to such behavior in adulthood is excessive), agreed internally that he is yours, then find a place for it in the Social Atom and write down its already invented name-characteristic. And perhaps the Invisible Child now found plays an important role in your life.

Be aware of how it makes you feel right now. Or maybe there are more than one of these Children. Then find a place for them in the Social Atom and write it down.”

1. Technique: "Unaccepted Wounded Children and actual request"

BUT.Director's introduction:

So we've discovered some of our Invisible Children. And now we will continue our search. Our task is to find as many of our Invisible Children as possible with the help of various tools.

Commentary: Workshop participants found their Invisible Children at every stage of the work.

B. Meditation: “Like myMissed Wounded Childrenmake themselves felt in my life?

Instruction:

« Close your eyes. Think about the situations in which you find yourself doing something against your conscious will, losing control of the situation, that you do not belong to yourself. , Is your behavior out of control? And it seems that you are obsessed, covered by some kind of childish part? About situations in which this childish part controls you, forcing you to behave based on childhood experience, and not from the position of an adult? In what way in my life today, in what behavior do your unaccepted, rejected and including perhaps unknown to you Wounded Difficult Children make themselves felt? What is the possible revenge of the rejected Wounded Child? Or several?

In what situations and at what moments does it seem to me that I am in a regressive emotional state, and my behavior seems to me irrational, infantile, idiotic, stupid? You can if you want to open your eyes.

Raise your hands if something comes to your mind?

B. Working with the list: "HowMissed Wounded Childrenlet you know about yourself?

Instruction:

“And now I want to give you some, compiled on the basis of practical experience, but by no means a complete list of symptoms, client requests and complaints that answer the question: “What do my unaccepted Wounded children let us know about themselves.” As you listen to the list, try to be aware of which symptoms are relevant to your life and evoke the most emotional response. This list is some hint for focusing your own problems and requests. And maybe this list, along with what came to your mind during the previous meditation, will help formulate the request that is most relevant to you now.

D. List of symptoms “In what way do my unaccepted Wounded children let me know about themselves?”

“Maybe my emotional dependence on others manifests itself in my life? And then I:

• Obsessively looking for the praise and approval of others, I try to justify their expectations, I depend on their opinions and assessments.
• I keep destructive relationships, losing self-esteem.

Or am I prone to compulsive behavior and various addictions? And then I:

• I constantly sit in social networks, instead of engaging in productive activities or fully communicating
• I suffer from compulsive overeating. For example, I can weigh myself on the scale, see the weight gain and eat 5 more sandwiches.
• I compulsively play computer games or watch TV.
• I can spend the money for no one knows what, for another "whim", and be left without money until the end of the month
• I load myself with everything so that there is no time, suffer from workaholism, have fun with friends without restraint, have sex obsessively, change partners endlessly just to have no time

Or maybe I have a tendency to excessive procrastination or inaction? And I:

• Putting off things that I still have to do, knowing that doing so will only make those things even more difficult for me.
• I go to bed inadequately late, when tomorrow I have to get up early for work, and the work will be difficult
• I regularly experience periods of laziness and inactivity without joy and pleasure
• Often feel stuck or paralyzed
• I get tired for no reason or I am constantly in a state of fatigue
• By all means I will try to “screw up” and evade any responsibility
• I go into fantasies instead of realizing my life tasks
• avoid making money
• I constantly do not understand what I want, I do not feel contact with my desires
• I regularly experience a painful motivational conflict, a conflict of desires. I can't choose what I want. One part of me wants one thing and another part wants another, my different desires are contradictory or even incompatible.

Or maybe I have bouts of targeted self-destruction? And I:

• I get sick at the most inopportune moment. For example, before submitting an important report, on the eve of an exam, a workshop
• I do not do important, serious or necessary things, relying on “maybe” or treat these matters “in a slipshod manner”, or simply forget. For example, I can go without documents, not read important mandatory materials or even not open them, not use protection in sex
• Doing things that piss me off, knock me out of my productive mood just before the most important things (such as talking to my boss about a pay rise, meeting with an important client). For example, I can suddenly quarrel with someone, call someone urgently, my mother, my ex-husband, wife.
• Exhibiting unrealistic self-confidence
• I carry out sometimes socially destructive "excesses". For example, I can get ugly drunk at a corporate party in the presence of management
• I do “crazy” things from time to time or put myself in extreme, including dangerous situations
• Often I have bouts of victim behavior
• I constantly criticize others, where it is necessary and not necessary.

Or maybe I am prone to severe emotional states and / or uncontrollable affective outbursts? And I:

• I often feel « Rudder loss » managing your life
• Prone to frequent mood swings for no apparent reason.
• I constantly feel guilty, including causeless and not specified
• Regularly, after long-awaited accomplishments and achievements, I experience disappointment or loss of interest, devalue my success, instead of experiencing satisfaction with success, joy and pleasure

Often I am suddenly rolled over:

• an acute state of experiencing that life has failed, is meaningless, a feeling of dissatisfaction with life
• feeling of powerlessness, pessimism and confusion
• the feeling that "I am unhappy / on, no one needs / on"
• a feeling of lack of joy
• experiencing a painful feeling of loneliness
  feeling sorry for oneself
• severe depressive or subdepressive state
• bouts of bad mood. When we are "flattened" and "sausage" without any external reason
• attacks of causeless irrational fear and horror.
• bouts of causeless sadness or causeless tears.
• bouts of unreasonable anger, which I try to hide from others
• bouts of belligerence for no apparent serious reason - I can start swearing with someone, bullying someone, at work or in the family or, for example, in transport, risking getting in the face
• or maybe my Unaccepted Wounded children let me know about themselves, manifest themselves in some other way, in other moments of my life, in other situations?

Does anyone have any ideas about what's missing here? What is not included in this list? Hands up.

Comment: the list has been supplemented with the help of workshop participants

E. My Current Problem and Inner Children. Individual work.

Instruction:

1. Selecting a problem to work on.

“Let's now focus on those symptoms that are manifesting in your life and that cause the most emotional response right now, on what has hooked you. Raise your hands, those who are hooked by something from your thoughts about your request or from the voiced list.

Ask yourself the question: “What is your most relevant client request? Please select one symptom that you do not know what to do with, one problem that prevents you from living. And this does not have to be a global topic, the main thing is that now it is the most relevant and emotionally catchy. Designate for yourself or remember the chosen problem, your request.

1. Identifying the Wounded Inner Children creating the problem.

“And now, for the chosen problem, try to find the answer to the question: What kind of Disadvantaged Wounded Child acts, plays his role, owns you in the specific situations of your life associated with this request? What is the Inner Child you do not accept that you look at through a piece of the "mirror of the troll" is hiding behind your problem? Think about what qualities he possesses, that Child - the Spirit, which in these situations instills in you, prompting you to behave in this way? Look into your Social Atom. Is he there, this Troubled Child? Maybe it turns out that this is the Inner Child, well known to you, who is behind not only this problem, but also behind other problems in your life? And you will say to yourself: "This one again." Or maybe it's a Child you know but have forgotten about? Think about it, maybe other Inner Children are also involved in your problem? There may be several. If so, are they in your Social Atom? What are they? Mark them.

1. Complementing the Social Atom of the Inner Children.
   “Raise your hands who found at least one of them in the Social Atom?

But maybe some of the Children involved in your problem did not appear in your Social Atom. Then add them there.

Now think, maybe there's another Child at work here, and that's the Invisible Child? And we are just looking for the Invisible Children, deeply hidden in our unconscious.

Raise your hands, those who have found at least one Invisible Child in addition to their Social Atom? If you found it, then give it a name-characteristic, describing it in two or three words. Or maybe you will find other Invisible Children involved in this problem. Then find a place for them in the Social Atom and write down their names-characteristics. Look at all the children who are involved in the problem you have chosen. Or maybe your problem is generated by the conflict of these children? Then between whom and which of them?

E. Pair work: My Problem and Inner Children

1. Pairing
2. Instructions for working in pairs:

“Choose who will be first, who will be second. Tell your partner about your current problem that prevents you from living, about life situations in which it manifests itself, and about those Troubled Inner Children who are acting , own you in these situations and generate your difficulties. Your partner can somehow react to your story - ask a question, express his hypothesis. Then switch roles. You have 7 minutes each.

1. Complementing the Social Atom of the Inner Children.

Instruction:

“Close your eyes, focus. And maybe in the course of working in pairs you have discovered someone else from your Inner Children who is not in your Social Atom? If you find it, raise your hands. Give them names - characteristics and add them to your Social Atom.

6. Technique: Sociometric selection of Unaccepted Wounded Inner Children of other group members

A. Choosing the Role of the Dismissed Child

Instruction:

“Take another look at your Social Atom. And choose from all your Inner Children that Wounded Inner Child, whom you do not accept, do not love, do not tolerate most of all in yourself. Maybe at another moment you would have chosen someone else, but now it is he who causes the greatest rejection in you. Write its name-characteristic on a piece of paper and attach it to yourself as a badge.

And now I suggest that you enter the role of the most unacceptable, unloved Inner Child - that is, the role of yourself when I am engulfed by it. When I give the signal, you will take one step forward and enter this role.”

B. Meeting - acquaintance Unaccepted Inner Children

Instruction:

“Walk around the group as the most disliked Dysfunctional Inner Child and try to meet and get to know as many other unacceptable, rejected, hurtful, nasty Inner Children as you can. Your task is to mark for yourself to track your reactions to each of the others' Disadvantaged Children. How are you with them? Which of them is indifferent to you, and which one is interesting, or causes anxiety, or annoys you, causes any, including conflicting feelings, in a word - touches your heart? Mark for yourself which of them will be the least familiar to you as part of you, but now something emotionally catches you more than others. And when I have said enough, you will return to your seats."

B. Sociometric choice of the least familiar emotionally affected alien Rejected Child

Instruction:

"I will ask you to make a sociometric choice of one role, the most unfamiliar to you in yourself from the emotionally hooked you the most other people's Inner Children."

Child B. Sociometric Choice Analysis

Identification of sociometrically related subgroups.

Blitz-poll of the group: voicing the names-characteristics of the Inner Children - the stars of the sociometric choice in each subgroup.

Wounded Child Questionnaire

The wounded inner child "infects" the adult life of a person with chronic mild depression, which is experienced as emptiness. Depression is the result of .

For example, “to be good, exemplary” is a typical component of the artificial self. “Exemplary. good woman" will never express anger or disappointment.

To have a false self means portray, play. The real self is never present. A recovering person described it this way: "It's like standing on the side of the road and watching life go by."

The feeling of emptiness is a form of chronic depression because a person constantly mourns for his real Self. All grown-up children feel, to one degree or another, mild chronic depression.

Emptiness is also experienced as apathy. As a counselor, I have often heard adult children complain that their lives seem boring and meaningless to them. They find that life is characterized by a kind of "absence" and cannot understand why other people are so fascinated, addicted to different things.

out of the running

Even when people admire us, reach out to us, we feel lonely. I have felt this for most of my life.

I always managed to be the leader of any group that I joined. There were people around me who admired me, who praised me, but I never felt really close to any of them.

I remember the evening I gave a lecture at St. Thomas University. My topic was: "Jacques Maritain's Understanding of the Doctrine of Evil in Thomism." I was especially eloquent and witty that evening. As I left, the audience stood up and gave me a standing ovation. I vividly remember how I felt: I wanted to end my emptiness and loneliness. I wanted to commit suicide!

immersed in themselves. think only of yourself

These categories of contagion cover most of the human addictions. I hope you see how much of a wounded inner child's influence continues into adulthood. To help you determine the damage that a wounded inner child can cause, answer yes or no to the following questions.

The questions in this section will give you an idea of ​​how wounded your inner child is.

In the second part, I will give you more specific indicators for each stage of development.

2. I please others (nice guy/darling) and I have no self-image.

4. In the deepest corners of my hidden self, I feel that something is wrong with me.

6. I feel inadequate as a man/woman.

8. I feel guilty when I stand up for my interests, I would rather give in to others.

10. It's hard for me to finish things.

11. I rarely have an opinion.

13. I consider myself an extreme sinner and I am afraid that I will go to hell.

16. I feel like I never really know what I want.

18. I believe that I mean nothing, except when I'm sexy. I am afraid that I will be rejected if I am a bad (oh) lover (tsey).

20. I don't know exactly who I am. I am not sure that my opinions and judgments are exactly what I really think about certain things.

b. basic needs.

5. I'm obsessed with oral sex.

8. I rarely get angry, but when I do, I go berserk.

9. I am afraid of other people's anger and will do everything to contain it.

11. I am ashamed to be afraid of anything.

13. I am obsessed with anal sex.

14. I am obsessed with sado-masochistic sex.

15. I am ashamed of my bodily functions.

16. I have sleep disorders.

in. Social sphere

1. I don't trust anyone, including myself.

5. I isolate myself from people and fear them, especially those in positions of power.

9. I rarely reject other people's proposals and feel that someone else's proposal is almost an order to be obeyed.

13. I rarely ask for clarification on statements I don't understand.

15. I never felt close to either of my parents or to either of them.

18. I easily give in and obey the opinion of the group.

20. My main fear is the fear of being abandoned, and I will do everything to save the relationship.

If you answered yes to 10 or more questions, you need some serious work. This book is for you.

Do we feel our absence in life, or that we live and do not live at the same time, or as if in a fog, immersed in ourselves all the time, or some kind of incomprehensible pain, we cannot find ourselves in life, we behave like we do all the time it seems not so, or everything seems to be fine, and then how does it cover, etc.? And we can't figure out where it all comes from. This sincerity towards oneself is essential for healing.

When I started working with the deep PEAT process, I was surprised at how many situations come out of childhood. A part of us (and someone entirely) remains there, in that fragment, with that pain. And this part of the consciousness is absent in real life - therefore, there are sensations of fog, emptiness, inner crying, despair, and for some, suicide (both the desire to leave life is real, and psychological suicide “to drive yourself into a hole, and then get out of it for a long time or at all be there."

In the process of PEAT, such moments surfaced: when the Woman recalled how in desperation she wrote under the carpet on the floor “fool mom”. For example, I again felt the process of my birth: how I was torn away from my mother, and to be honest, I did not experience greater horror in my life, I felt and experienced again absolute helplessness in the maternity home and a lot of such situations that, being in the usual consciousness (but rather in a semi-conscious state: -() didn’t remember, didn’t feel, but part of me remained there. Someone can’t feel anything at all - this is one of the main signs of such childhood traumas. Someone feels the deepest separation , loneliness, inability to close relationships.

As such traumas healed, I began to taste life, I began to be in the present moment, a natural joy appeared, a sense of taste. Before that, it got to the point that, being in Venice, for example, I could not feel delight, although I really was delighted, but I did not feel it. It feels like the feelings have been separated from me. + I always wanted to run away, run away, from myself, from everything in life, to forget myself, when it didn’t work out - then such despair arose that I wanted to die. There was resentment why I can’t enjoy life, but instead it’s either pain or emptiness. So I began to collect those parts of myself that were long in the past, healing my inner wounded child with my acceptance, Love, exercises, practices.

And it was no longer up to my true feelings, desires, interests - the main need to be to satisfy the desire "I am good, you need to be good." And all things were done solely on the basis of this need.

So gradually, step by step, the gap between my true self and the false "I should be good" grew. I started to really play the game of goodness. Then came fear. I haven't always been good. I also had not very feelings, thoughts, I even did not the best deeds. I felt ashamed. But the role of a good one has already been ingrained and played over and over again to the public. Then everything that did not belong to the category of good, I began to hide. First from others. There was fear, and suddenly they would find out. Everything had to be carefully disguised.

And then the surrounding adults praised, praised: they say, what a good girl.

Inside, there is again fear on the one hand: I cannot be different, you must always be at the height of goodness. On the other hand, my ego grew: I began to convince myself that I was really good, that I couldn’t have anything bad.

As the ego grew, I stopped noticing all my bad deeds, or rather, I began to hide from myself.

So I fell into the trap of my own lies. Already confused about who I am, what's good, what's bad. And most importantly, I left, so far from my Self that a void formed inside. I stopped feeling what I want, what I feel. I learned perfectly well: how to look good for others, well, for myself. I played this role brilliantly. Here, a monster turned from a good girl, only in relation to myself: I began to hate, because. this emptiness did not allow to live, turned into loneliness. + Inability to establish close relationships with other people: well, you couldn’t show in the end that everything was not as good inside as I behaved. It became scary to open up, even to look inside herself, let alone show others. 🙂

I thought for a long time, why such a desire to “be good”. And I realized - from the desire to be needed. I don’t know what happened, but it seemed to me that my parents didn’t need me (well, they forgot to pick me up from kindergarten, or they picked me up last, so my girl concluded that she wasn’t needed, otherwise they would have taken me away long ago, my mother came or dad). And when I was good, I made my parents happy, they paid attention, praised me, I felt needed, the child's mind concluded: it means you have to be good all the time, then I will be needed.

So I learned to prove my usefulness through goodness. Then through the desire to help other people. The thirst was so unhealthy. I went out of my way to help, no matter how. The main thing is to help. Then I felt my need, importance.

And when those around me said: “how good you are,” I was already bursting with a feeling of important need.

But it turned out that I am good - this is just my mask, role, a false perception of reality and myself. But I didn’t know and didn’t feel the real me, and I didn’t even know how and where to look. I had to and still have to collect myself in parts. By the way, the Creative Awakening Course helps a lot with this. It was after him that I had the opportunity to somehow recognize myself, remember, feel some parts. Gathering yourself, your frozen feelings, forgotten, that did not fit into the category of good interests, desires, aspirations (for example, telling a former English teacher that she is a fool and an old hag - it became so easy for the inner child after that, you can’t imagine), your REAL feelings, needs, interests.

Love - and the whole world will be in your heart 🙂

The little child that you were and who would have loved to be cared for and loved. This child still lives in you - as a part of the personality, which at its best is associated with creativity, creativity, spontaneity, sincerity, openness, cheerfulness and the desire to Live.

If the Inner Child has been forgotten, you may feel frustrated, wear masks, feel restless and insecure, fear mistreatment. You have replaced happiness, lightness, carefree fun, a sense of humor with rigor, control and concern for the future. You have lost or forgotten your childhood, but the Inner Child still lives in you, in your subconscious dwelling. This is the person inside you who knows how to have fun and play for the game, who can help you prevent fatigue and manage the stresses in your life. In alliance with the Inner Child, flexibility in decision making and in relationships brings about wonderful changes in your life. The inner child is the one who needs healing, support and strengthening. Through this, you can be breathed new life, health, and an opportunity for personal growth.

How does the “Inner Child” arise in your soul? It lives in every adult because it is associated with the memory of childhood experiences - because each of us has some bitter memory of our past. These memories are at the core of our motivations in adulthood. The child within us exists because we once adopted specific behaviors to cope with dysfunctional relationships in the parental family. He put on a mask and hides. It is associated with dreams and freedom. The extent to which you can realize your dreams and experience freedom depends on how the Inner Child feels. Does he feel rejected, isolated, or resentful and angry?

It is one of the components of your current system of values ​​and beliefs, however, you are not aware of its influence on our decisions. Meanwhile, this influence can be huge and your whole being as an adult can be captivated by this influence - captivated by the Dark Side of the Inner Child. It hypnotizes you and although it protects you in some ways, it does in many ways - in this desire to defend itself, it creates an obstacle to growth and development. This is because the Inner Child has unfinished business. He longs for acceptance, love, he has too much responsibility, he does not know how to express his feelings.

How does the traumatized "Inner Child" emerge into adulthood? The "inner child" appears at the moment of renunciation of true feeling; rejection of our true essence; trying to live up to other people's expectations. When we try to tame our children and don't listen to their needs. When we try to relieve stress through anger at a child; lack of a sense of security in the face of chaos, confusion, or vacuum, repressed feelings. If we begin to feel a sense of obligation to always “look better” and “be good.” When you cannot establish good relationships or perceive life as a heavy duty. If it is difficult to make a choice and stay "here and now." When we feel isolated and alone. Help your Inner Child!

John Bradshaw. Wounded Child Questionnaire

The wounded inner child "infects" the adult life of a person with chronic mild depression, which is experienced as emptiness. Depression is the result of the child is forced to accept the false self, abandoning the true.

Rejection of the real I leads to inner emptiness. I refer to this as the "hole in the soul" phenomenon. When a person loses his true self, he loses contact with his true feelings, needs and desires. Instead, he experiences the feelings that the not-self requires.

For example, "be good, exemplary" is a typical component of the artificial self. "Exemplary. good woman" will never express anger or disappointment.

To have a false self means portray, play. The real self is never present. A recovering person described it this way: "It's like standing on the side of the road and watching life pass by."

Emptiness is also experienced as apathy. As a counselor, I have often heard adult children complain that their lives seem boring and meaningless to them. They find that life is characterized by a kind of "absence" and cannot understand why other people are so fascinated, addicted to different things.

Renowned Jungian psychologist Marion Woodman tells the story of a woman who went to see the Pope during his visit to Toronto. She took with her an arsenal of sophisticated photographic equipment to photograph the Pope. When he passed by, she was so busy with her equipment that she only took one photo. In fact, she never saw the Pope. When she took the photo, the person she was going to see was there, but she wasn't there. She was out of the running. When our inner child is hurt, we feel empty and depressed. Life feels unreal, we are there, but we are not in it.

This emptiness leads to loneliness. Since we are never who we really are, we are never truly present.

Even when people admire us, reach out to us, we feel lonely. I have felt this for most of my life.

I remember the evening I gave a lecture at St. Thomas University. My topic was: "Jacques Maritain's Understanding of the Doctrine of Evil in Thomism". I was especially eloquent and witty that evening. As I left, the audience stood up and gave me a standing ovation. I vividly remember how I felt: I wanted to end my emptiness and loneliness. I wanted to commit suicide!

These experiences also explain how our wounded inner child infects us with self-centeredness. adult children immersed in themselves. The feeling of emptiness inside is like a chronic toothache. When a person feels constant pain, he may think only of yourself. In my therapy practice, the egocentricity of such clients has often driven me to the bone. I told my fellow consultants that even if I walked out of my office on fire, someone would ask me, "Would you mind giving me a minute?"

These categories of contagion cover most of the human addictions. I hope you see how much of a wounded inner child's influence continues into adulthood. To help you determine the damage that a wounded inner child can cause, answer yes or no to the following questions.

1. I experience anxiety and fear whenever I think of any new business.

3. I am a rebel. I really live only in conditions of conflict.

5. I am a miser, it is difficult for me to refuse something.

6. I feel inadequate as a man for a woman.

7. I am in doubt about my gender identity.

9. It is difficult for me to start any business. .

12. I constantly scold myself for inadequacy, failure.

14. I am a rigid, inflexible person and make very high demands on myself.

15. I feel like I never live up to other people's expectations and always do everything wrong.

17. I can not stop in my pursuit of super achievements.

19. My life is empty. I am depressed most of the time.

b. basic needs.

1. I am out of touch with my bodily needs. I don't realize when I'm tired, hungry or calloused.

2. I don't like being touched.

3. I often have sex when I really don't want to.

4. I suffer (suffered) from an eating disorder.

6. I rarely know exactly how I feel.

7. I am ashamed when I am angry.

10. I am ashamed to cry.

12. I almost never express negative emotions.

17. I spend an excessive amount of time watching pornography.

18. I express myself sexually in ways that offend others.

19. I am sexually attracted to children and I am afraid that it may come out (I can do it).

20. I am sure that food and/or sex are my biggest needs.

in. Social sphere

2. I was or am now married to a person who is subject to vice (bad habit).

3. In my relationships with people, I am obsessed with obsessions and strive to keep everything under my control.

4. I am prone to bad habits (addictions).

6. I hate being alone and will do almost anything to avoid it.

7. It turns out that I do what I think others expect of me.

8. I avoid conflict at all costs.

10. I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. I find it easier to take care of others than myself.

11. Often I don't say "no" outright and then refuse to do what others ask for in various roundabout, manipulative and passive ways.

12. I don't know how to resolve conflicts with other people. I either suppress my opponent, or withdraw from the conflict completely.

14. I often guess what other people's statements mean, I react to them based on my guesses.

16. I confuse pity with love and tend to love people I can pity.

17. I make fun of myself and others if they make mistakes.

19. I am an ardent opponent and I am very bad at losing.

For each period, answer yes or no to the following questions. After you read each question, wait, listen to your feelings. If the desire to answer "yes" is stronger, answer "yes", if "no" - answer "no". If you answer yes to any of the questions, you may suspect that your wonderful inner child was hurt at this age. There are varying degrees of injury, the more questions you answer yes to, the more hurt your Self is.

Age: 0 to 9 months

Age: 9 months - 18 months (exploratory stage)

I am someone male or female

Age: 3 to 6 years old

Age: 6 years to puberty

I AM MY UNIQUE SELF

List of related books:

John Bradshaw:. Homecoming. Healing the shame that binds you. Bradshaw: Family. Creating Love

Alice Miller:. Thou Shalt Not be Aware: Psychoanalysis and Betrayal of the Child. For Your Own Good: Hidden Violence in Child Education and the Roots of Violence And any other books by this author.

Charles L. Whitfield: . Healing the Child within

Lucia Capaccione: . Healing Your Inner Child

Catherine L. Taylor: . Inner Child. Workbook.

Robert Fireston. The Fantasy Bond. Conquer the Voice of the Inner Critic

John Bradshaw | Depression and Emptiness: The Wounded Child Questionnaire

Rejection of the real I leads to inner emptiness. I refer to this as the "hole in the soul" phenomenon. When a person loses his true self, he loses contact with his true feelings, needs and desires. Instead, he experiences the feelings that the not-self requires.

…If you answered yes to 10 or more questions, you need some serious work. This book is for you.

Number of articles: 420

Show other articles Hide other articles

Nifiga, I'm sorry I did not understand. Either the questionnaire lacks more sensible explanations, or brains are missing in my head.

There is also a breakdown for each period of childhood. What exactly do you not understand?

I read the first 20 questions and I answered YES to 6 of them.

These were questions 4, 10, 16, 18, 19 and 20.

In question 18, I disagree with the first sentence, but I completely agree with the second. I even had a tantrum after my cousin told me: “Yes, what kind of mistress are you!?”

At first I answered NO to question 19, but then I realized that I was hiding it behind a smile ...

I didn't fully understand questions 6 and 7.

Yes, I lost contact with my true feelings, needs and desires.

It says that "An exemplary, good woman will not express anger or disappointment."

And I don't cry even when I tell the most tragic moments of my life!

I am constantly imagining and playing!

Yes, I have mild chronic depression!

And often there is apathy!

I remember in the camp "Mayak" I felt the unreality ... of life ...

Somewhere before the age of 16, I very often wanted to commit suicide!

And now sometimes such a thought arose during tantrums!

I even got hysterical when I realized that I did not know what I wanted from the products in the store, and could not remember what I like!

And now I have started to feel depressed, I feel that it will last for a couple of days ... And I don’t even want to get out of it somehow, because in this state I can see my Self better. And I rarely smile.

I don't understand the purpose of this survey. or was it just an introductory article about the periods of growing up a person? and, in my opinion, most of it belongs to Erickson. who is this Bradshaw?

This is the introduction to the book, as I understand it. Which one, I don't know. Untranslated and unpublished in Russian anyway.

Nata, this questionnaire is designed for more effective work of the therapist. It allows you to establish with a high probability the period when the injury was inflicted, and adjust the work taking into account these factors. The stages are indeed given according to Erickson.

I wonder who, besides Bradshaw, deals with this problem and where you can find his book ?!

Is this questionnaire standardized or not?

The wounded inner child "infects" the adult life of a person with chronic mild depression, which is experienced as emptiness. Depression? the result of that. That the child is forced to accept the false self, abandoning the true one. Rejection of the real I leads to inner emptiness. I refer to this as the "hole in the soul" phenomenon.

When a person loses his true self, he loses contact with his true feelings, needs and desires. Instead, he experiences the feelings that the not-self requires. If you answered yes to 10 or more questions, you need some serious work.

This book is for you. 4 03:19 "Wounded Child" Yes, I lost contact with my true feelings, needs and desires. It says that "An exemplary, good woman will not express anger or disappointment." And I don't cry even when I tell the most tragic moments of my life! I am constantly imagining and playing!

Yes, I have mild chronic depression! And often there is apathy! I remember in the Mayak camp I felt the unreality of life. Somewhere before the age of 16, I very often wanted to commit suicide!

LitMir - Electronic Library > Bradshaw John.. Recent ratings (0). Book title. This book shows how important and serious it is to work with the inner child. John Bradshaw.

And now sometimes such a thought arose during tantrums! I even got hysterical when I realized that I did not know what I wanted from the products in the store, and could not remember what I like!

Translated from English by Rustam Murtazin, ‘Homecoming’ is already the third bestseller by Bradshaw. The books Bradshaw on the Family and Healing the Fetters of Shame brought him well-deserved fame. John Bradshaw has lived through everything he writes about. He was born in Houston, Texas to a troubled family, soon abandoned by his alcoholic father. He studied well at school, but behaved like the most uncontrollable of teenagers. He completed his education in Canada, where he took a course at a Catholic seminary and at the same time graduated from the University of Toronto in three specialties.

For the last twenty years he has worked as a psychotherapist, theologian, management consultant and lecturer. Bradshaw is one of the leading experts in the field of dysfunctional families and the psychotherapy of childhood trauma. I am born from feelings of helplessness and abandonment, shamelessness of nannies, ridicule and neglect, insults and violence - soulless systems pushing towards ideality. My power is created by the terrifying power of parental anger The cruel barbs of brothers and sisters The humiliating mockery of peers Your clumsy reflection in the mirror Offensive and frightening touches Pushes, slaps and pinches that tear apart your faith in people and trust in the world. I'm multiplied by a culture of racism and sex By the righteous condemnation of religious bigots By school fears and personality grinding learning The hypocrisy of politicians By the shame of all the generations that created your ugly family system. The pain from me is so unbearable that you must pour it out on others Through tight control, perfectionism, contempt, malicious criticism, reproaches, envy, condemnation, power and rage.

The pain from me is so strong That you shield yourself from me with obsessive addictions, inflexible roles, endless repetition of the same scenes and unconscious ego defenses. The pain from me is so saturated that you have to go numb to no longer feel me. I have convinced you that I am gone - and no longer exist - and you feel confused and empty.

Doctor of Psychology STAN TATKIN (USA)

Psychological-Biological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT)”

focuses on how emotional, sensual attachments that arise in a person at an early age affect the development of his brain and nervous system, as well as on specific neuroendocrine processes responsible for stress that occurs in interpersonal interaction throughout an individual's life.

* determine the mechanisms of attachment in each of the partners in a pair;

* unite couples, returning the joy of intimacy.

With a high level of arousal;

With a low level of arousal.

Professionals seeking to improve their skills in the field of marital and family psychology and psychotherapy;

Coaches and organizational consultants dealing with business consulting, where the family plays a decisive role in the success of the business;

Everyone who wants to understand their personal family experience in order to consciously promote their relationships in the family and business to harmony and joy.

20.30 - 21.00 - coffee break

21.00 - 22.00 - "Why couples fight."

11.30 – 12.00 – coffee break

12.00 - 13.30 - Continuation: “Types of married couples: with a high level of arousal; with a low level of arousal; biphasic".

15.00 - 16.30 - Practical work within the framework of the psychological and biological approach: non-verbal patterns that reflect the level of affection characteristic of each of the spouses in a couple (face, eyes, body movement, voice).

16.30 - 17.00 - coffee break

17.00 - 18.30 - Video presentation of real cases from consulting practice (can be replaced by working with a real pair of workshop participants).

11.30 – 12.00 – coffee break

12.00 - 13.30 - "How partners can VERY QUICKLY heal wounds in their emotional sphere, in their marital relationship."

13.30 - 15.00 - lunch

15.00 - 16.30 - "How spouses (partners) create and maintain stability in relationships, how they provide themselves and the couple as a whole with peace, confidence, security"

17.00 - 18.30 - "How spouses (partners) can help each other live longer"

Cash payment. You can pay for the seminar right before the start, on Friday, December 17th. Registration will be from 18.00 (beginning at 19.00).

john bradshaw depression and emptiness

Where to start for a newbie?

In the adrenaline of your mother's shame.

You felt me ​​in the waters washing over you in her womb.

I soaked into you before you spoke

Before you learned to understand

Before you found the path to knowledge.

I fell on you when you were learning to walk

When you were open and defenseless

Vulnerable and needed

Even before you found your limits.

Before you knew that I was already here

I enslaved your soul, Piercing it to the very core.

I gave you a feeling

own depravity, depravity and ugliness

Created distrust and doubts in you.

Thanks to me you have known your stupidity

worthlessness, insignificance and inferiority

I felt that you are not like everyone else.

I told you there's something wrong with you

Defiled faith in your Divine nature.

I am the inner trembling that permeates you, while the mind is not ready for it.

In the bottomless, damp and gloomy abysses of your depression and despair.

Every time I creep up on you

take you by surprise and sneak through the back door

I come first.

I've been here since the beginning of time

With Father Adam and Mother Eve, Brother Cain.

I remember the Tower of Babel and the Massacre of the Innocents.

ridicule and neglect, insults and violence -

soulless systems pushing towards ideality.

My power is created by the terrifying power of parental anger

With cruel barbs of brothers and sisters

Humiliating taunts from peers

Your clumsy reflection in the mirror

Offensive and frightening touches

Pushes, slaps and pinches that tear apart

your faith in people and trust in the world.

I'm multiplied by the culture of racism and sex

Righteous condemnation of religious fanatics

School fears and personality-grinding learning process

The shame of all the generations that created your ugly family system.

Asian native, sweet child in

Суку, жида, черномазого ниггера, гомика, узкоглазого китаезу,

narcissistic little bastard.

I carry inescapable pain

Pain that will never leave you.

I am the hunter that stalks you night and day

For me there are no boundaries.

Are you trying to hide from me

Because I live in you.

Because of me, you feel despair and hopelessness.

It is I who assure you that there is no way out.

Through tight control

perfectionism, contempt, vicious criticism, reproaches,

envy, condemnation, power and rage.

The pain from me is so strong

That you shield me with obsessive addictions

inflexible roles, endless repetition of the same scenes and unconscious ego defenses.

The pain from me is so saturated

That you have to go numb so you don't feel me anymore.

I convinced you that I'm gone - and no longer exist -

and you feel confused and empty.

I am spiritual bankruptcy

I am crime, cruelty, incest, violence

I'm the gluttonous hole you try to fill with objects

I am gluttony and lust

I am Ahasuerus - the Eternal Jew, the Flying Dutchman of Wagner, a man from the soul

Dostoevsky's underground, Kierkegaard's seducer, Goethe's Faust

I distort what you are, turning you into what you do and have

I kill your soul, and you pass me on to other generations.

john bradshaw books download

john bradshaw books download

Author Bradshaw George read online or download in format 2,. The first flight of earthlings to Venus ends with the fact that upon returning home, the spacecraft crashes and falls into. Bradshaw George, read books online and download for free in format 2. John bradshaw homecoming download By this time I had already plunged deep into myself, experiencing loneliness and resentment from a long wait. The largest electronic library of the Russian Internet. Add a photo. John Bradshaw has lived through everything he writes about. Add to my library. John Bradshaw was born in 12 in Lancaster. Because we are never who we really are, we are never truly present. George Bradshaw. John Williams.

Shame. How to understand the true nature of a pet and become his best friend John Bradshaw2. send me interesting news, reviews of books and collections, best articles, etc. I accept the user agreement to read. Therefore, I can say with confidence to those people who are in doubt whether to read this book to them or not, and who. For this reason, we recommend making the age difference between children at least three years old. Average Book Rating: Man viewed over. Winehold page 18 of the text of the book: Yes, the blame falls. John Bradshaw from Homecoming. 1. I was already when your conception took place In the adrenaline of your mother's shame. Author's page in language: English. Books.

John Berry John Bradshaw George Gardner John Lardner Ring Allison Ralph Gautier. He was born in Houston, Texas to a troubled family, soon abandoned by his alcoholic father. During the English Revolution, he joined Parliament. A girl and her boyfriend are arrested and falsely accused of drug dealing. Blue star Aurin SI. The book was really good, it grabbed me from the first page. Synopsis: Police break into a nightclub. Depression is the result of the fact that the child is forced to accept the false self, abandoning the true one. Total books: 1. Best and new books of 2017 by the author: John Bradshaw in the Labyrit online store. FOREWORD John Bradshaw. One way or another, these unfinished processes still remain and in some way slow down your development. john bradshaw books download. Download the best john bradshaw healing books.

Together with john bradshaw books download often search

john bradshaw books free download

john bradshaw | depression and emptiness

john bradshaw radical forgiveness

john bradshaw cat feeling

Traditionally, therapy is one way to help heal, but it's not the only way. The best treatment is self-knowledge of one's own body. What helps you should be based solely on your preferences. The main thing is to keep trying until you find your own correct technique to heal your inner hurt and traumatized child.

So, five rules that can help you:

1. Read literature

In his book Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, by Dr. Caryl McBride, focuses on the emotional wounds inflicted on daughters by their own parents. What is it like to be a child whose wants or needs are ignored? Introspection helps you see your own repetitive patterns of behavior from childhood until now. As a child, you did not know how to satisfy needs when no one was willing to listen to you. Now you have grown up and know how to voice it. Pay attention to your own behavior now to understand how effectively you express these needs.

If you still have unmet needs or desires, you may be stuck in this cycle of sensations. For example, overreacting, constantly complaining or withdrawing into yourself and playing silent are all very bad ways to say what you need or want. The adult self in us knows that when the "inner child" starts talking, it's not very effective. Pay attention to this.

2. Give yourself exercise

Heal your inner child and your painful emotions with simple physical exercises. Activities, especially in nature, are very, very helpful - with their help, you concentrate on the present moment. Remember that dwelling in the past never did anyone any good.

3. Work through your emotions

Emotions can really cause real pain. Getting rid of emotional pain will entail getting rid of physical pain. One example of how emotional healing works in the body is Emotional Freedom Method (EFT) or tapping therapy, which is tapping the various acupuncture points with your fingertips. Experts say that this is one of the fastest and most effective methods that deserves attention and wide distribution.

4. Become the best parent in the world for yourself

Even if you didn't have the best and most supportive parent as a child, you can still have a good parent right now. It's you yourself. Become your own loving mother who will be kind and considerate to you. Become a father to yourself who will be happy with all your endeavors and will be proud of you and your achievements.

5. Look back without fear and feel free

John Bradshaw, author of Coming Home: Finding and Healing Your Inner Child, says we can find our inner child simply by writing a letter to the person responsible for our childhood wounds and telling them why we felt and still feel. this pain. However, living in a negative past that cannot be changed immediately leads to depression. Don't go back there. Instead, tell your inner child that you lived through the past and dealt with it, which means that you survived and improved your skills so that you can start working on yourself now.

Those who have overcome adversity tend to be the most striving for success, stubbornly proving their worth either to themselves or to those who doubted and doubt them. Let your past motivate you to do the impossible, not just succeed. To heal your inner child, you must fulfill your purpose. And if you haven't decided what your goal is yet, maybe it's time for that.

Stephen Wolinsky

The dark side of the inner child

Next step

"AWAKENING" - that's it, the key word! We wake up from dreams in which we saw the world from a familiar point of view, in a familiar perspective. Everything looks completely different ... suddenly we are freed from the old perception, and the world has become different for us. What is the meaning of your awakening? That you yourself have changed.

Pir Walayat Inayat Khan Initiation

In memory of John Lennon, poet and singer of quantum consciousness

I thank:

Christy L. Kennen; Lynn Benefield (proofreader); Donna Ross and Bruce Carter (editors); Eric Marcus; Roberto Assagioli, who created psychosynthesis and developed the concept of subpersonalities; Fritz Perls, creator of Gestalt therapy, for the idea of ​​parts of personalities entering into a dialogue with each other; Eric Bern, founder of transactional analysis and originator of the concepts of the inner parent, adult, and child. I also thank Dr. Albert Ellis, the father of rational-emotive therapy (his thoughts on fifteen types of thought distortions are summarized in chapter 3 of this book); Matthew McKay, Martha Davis and Patrick Fanning for their book Thoughts and Feelings: The Art of Cognitive Intervention in Stress. Finally, I want to give special thanks to Neil Sweeney and his memory for the love, friendship, and advice for almost twenty years.

Stephen X. Wolinsky began his clinical practice in Los Angeles, California in 1974. He has taught seminars on Reichian and Gestalt Therapy in Southern California. He also studied classical hypnosis, psychosynthesis, psychodrama and transactional analysis. In 1977 he went to India, where he spent about six years studying meditation. In 1982 he returned and resumed his clinical practice in New Mexico. He began to train psychotherapists in Ericksonian hypnosis, NLP and family therapy, as well as teaching integral hypnosis in psychotherapy and family therapy for a year. Dr. Wolinsky is the author of The Trances People Live In: Healing Techniques in Quantum Psychology and Quantum Consciousness: A Guide to the Study of Quantum Psychology. His fourth book is called The Tao of Chaos: Quantum Consciousness. Volume 2". He is one of the founders of the Quantum Consciousness Seminars and, along with Christie L. Kennen, founder of the Quantum Psychology Institute.

(Note: To date, a number of books by Dr. Wolinski have been published: Hearts on Fire, The Way of Man, Beyond Quantum Psychology, etc.).

Foreword

I am thrilled to have the opportunity to write the foreword for Dr. Stephen Wolinsky's The Dark Side of the Inner Child. This book shows how important and serious it is to work with the inner child. Dr. Wolinsky helped me better understand my own work.

For many years I have been amazed by the powerful "power" of the inner child - but I have never fully understood why it is so strong. In Dr. Wolinsky's first book, The Trances People Live In, some childhood coping strategies are described as hypnotic trance states. This model helped me understand that we are stuck in the past because we create the same trances over and over again, protecting us from the pain and suffering experienced in childhood. Memories of past trauma manifest themselves in numerous symptoms that are commonly referred to as the "infantile syndrome."

Dr. Wolinsky argues that since we ourselves have created protective trances, we ourselves can change them when we realize how we continue to create them. The process that I call the rebirth of the inner child is a way to de-hypnotize oneself. By imagining our defenseless, vulnerable part of the personality in the form of an inner child and continuing to protect it, the adult inside us is forced to remain in a trance. Once this trance protected us; now he limits us. I call the healing of the inner child the ability to live in the here and now; to do this, we must remember what strategies we used to suppress our childhood desires, feelings and needs. Once we become aware of these strategies, we can change them.

In The Dark Side of the Inner Child, Wolinsky offers us many tools to understand how we create protective trances to help keep our inner child rigid and frozen.

I have always emphasized that in the transformation of past experience the most important role belongs to the adult part of our personality. Wolinsky speaks of the "observer". "Adult" and "observer" - in fact, the same character. It was he who once created protective trances. This observer is the reason why I am me and you are you.

As soon as we understand that we ourselves are the source of our own frozen and limited life, we will gain new strength, wisdom and responsibility.

Dr. Wolinsky's work serves this noble purpose of breaking free of the outdated and limiting patterns of the inner child. Consciously or unconsciously, we are always tempted to "objectify" the inner child, as a result of which he begins to live his own autonomous life. After that, we "idealize" him and give him our power. Dr. Wolinsky's book leaves no room for illusions on this subject.

The inner child is not a wonderful and precious creature at all. By continuing to use the same infantile and outdated patterns of behavior, we cut ourselves off from a vast area of ​​human experience. In this area are hidden such wonderful qualities as curiosity, flexibility, creativity, abundance and spontaneity. Wolinsky calls the limiting function the dark side of the inner child.

We are in dire need of a revival of the ability to be generous, inquisitive and open. These qualities are not inherent in the inner child, but in the true human personality, living a full life. By consciously changing our previous modes of survival (the trances of the inner child), we will gain access to resources that will help us cope with "past traumas", transform them and integrate them into our present experience. Only then can we live a real, fulfilling life.

I won't talk more about the content of the book, because I hope you'll want to read it yourself. It contains whole scatterings of magnificent exercises on self-knowledge and self-healing. Maybe at times they will seem too difficult for you - and I would like to inspire you with strength and courage that will help you continue your work. The expansion of consciousness is worth the effort.

I want to thank Dr. Wolinski for his work in helping us to be freed. It brings together the best and deepest achievements of Eastern and Western thought. Now, when the need for self-knowledge and self-healing is becoming more and more urgent, Wolinsky can become for us the most desired and long-awaited teacher.

John Bradshaw

"Woman, I know you understand...

baby living in a man.

John Lennon, "Woman"

In 1985, I made the discovery that formed the basis of my first book, The Trances People Live in: Healing Methods in Quantum Psychology. I have described the role that the trance state plays in causing the problem. I have shown how trance becomes a vehicle for creating and maintaining inappropriate responses; then they become habitual and ordinary ways of communicating with the world, being a source of suffering and disease. And, finally, and most importantly, I told you how you can dehypnotize yourself and return the lost Self.

Although the book aroused great interest, I still felt that another version was needed - more applicable in practice and addressed not only to professionals, but also to ordinary people. The previous book was written for psychotherapists; this book is intended both for them and for the general public.

Something about the inner child

As I wrote in my first book, trance is often the result of childhood traumatic experiences. The observer creates trance states in childhood, and then uses them to protect the child from pain that he is unable to accept and understand. In other words, trances are often a way to somehow survive and build relationships with the outside world.

However, what was a means of survival for a shocked child becomes a pathology for an adult. Unlike the wonderful inner child so popular among therapists these days, the wounded inner child is stuck at some point in its life.

The concept of the inner child is not new. Roberto Assagioli in Psychosynthesis talks about subpersonalities. Fritz Perls in Gestalt therapy develops the theme of different parts of the personality entering into a dialogue with each other; Eric Berne, creator of transactional analysis, describes not only the inner child,