Russian wife cheating on her husband. Wife deceives her husband: how long will a marriage on a lie last? Deception is a warning sign

To this day, many wedding customs have been preserved, the observance of which promises a happy marriage. For example, the bride tried to be the first to step on the footscarf or hold the wedding candle above her husband. It was believed that the success of these attempts ensured supremacy over the spouse.

It is unlikely that today some of the girls help their friends put on jewelry for a wedding dress. But in the Tambov province, it was a happy married woman who had to wear earrings for the bride, because with such a ritual she conveyed a little of her own happiness to the newlywed.

Belt for a loved one

If a girl gave a guy a belt, then she clearly made it clear: there will be a wedding. The tied belt became a symbol of the unbreakable bond between a man and a woman. Yes, and already a wife, each tried to weave more amulets for her husband - in order to protect them from evil people and the love spell of other women.

The keepers of the family hearth were sure that the belt would not allow the husband to jinx or bewitch, which means that he would be kind and attentive to his wife and children, and most importantly, he would not go on a spree.

Instead of breakfast - marafet

Much has been written about how women dressed up. In peasant families, they did not waste time on breakfast, but immediately proceeded to “wash themselves out”. The most affordable cosmetics were used - a decoction of wild rose or chamomile. To make the face “clean and white”, they washed themselves with soapy grass with celandine root.

The remains of food on the teeth were cleaned with “bones from chicken drumsticks”. It was not accepted to paint “like oblinyans” in the 17th century. This fashion came later, but it is unlikely that attempts to “smear” found understanding among husbands.

If the beauty faded during the day, you could use the right recipe. Take a headscarf, whisper a special conspiracy over it, cross yourself, tie it on your head and go about your business. Upon returning, to restore an attractive appearance, it was enough to wipe the face with a charmed handkerchief.

Right way

The belief that the way to a man's heart lies through his stomach did not appear today. And in past centuries, almost all foreign guests celebrated the "hospitality of Muscovites." Of course, husbands didn’t eat roasted swans soaked in vinegar and spices or raspberry honey every day, but even everyday cereals and pies, according to the famous traveler Adam Olearius, had “a taste not without amenities.”

The wives baked pies with porridge and salted fish, vekoshniki stuffed with vekosh (leftovers of half-eaten fish or meat), as well as kalinniks with berries, yarn nalivashniks, borkanniks, sponges, chapilga, kurniki and kulebyaki with dozens of different fillings.

Make a comrade

If the wives of Russia mostly appeared before their husbands as “submissive, meek and quiet”, then from the end of the 18th to the beginning of the 19th century, some had to develop a new strategy. While peasant wives were still humble slave wives, noblewomen successfully became what the male contemporaries wanted to see.

According to the memoirs of the Russian writer and philosopher Andrei Bolotov, as a result of his marriage, he "made himself such a comrade" with whom he shared "joys and joys, cares and cares." The poet Gavriil Derzhavin, who lived with Bolotov at the same time, wrote that his future wife attracted him with "sensible reasoning", although the "pleasant to handle" girl was "not without dexterity."

Relieve your husband in all worries

Many wives not only performed exclusively women's work around the house, but also shifted men's duties onto their own shoulders. For example, the wife of the playwright of the Enlightenment Mikhail Kheraskov, Elizaveta Vasilievna, knew how to “ease her husband in all household chores,” while she remained “kind, smart and amiable.”

Many men could not be burdened by economic problems, because business qualities their spouse, their enthusiasm and the ability to “bring the lazy out of inactivity” by their appearance alone ensured the material well-being of the family.

love roots

If no tricks helped, there was only one thing left - to seek help from the fortune-teller, and if there is no way to go to her, then get one of the herbalists (or at least remember the recipe told by the neighbor).

So, in one of the herbalists of the 17th century, it was proposed to put the love root of the kukoos grass behind the mirror and say a special spell every evening. The effect was amazing - the husband will not be able to see enough of his wife.

Another way to family happiness is to wear a special grass collected on St. Peter's Day in a pectoral cross. Only beforehand, its root must be ground into powder and mixed with the wax of the candles collected after the prayer service at the icons of Christ and the Virgin.

Vegetable Alkoseltzer

In the book of Mikhail Zabylin, an expert on Russian folk life, we find other tips. Husbands who did not know the limits in the use of alcohol, many wives drugged with infusion of petunia powder and olive oil.

The garden flower, popular today, allegedly “preserved from intoxication”, made tipsy men balanced, friendly and accommodating.

At worst, to Naska Chernigovka

In the 17th century, Muscovites willingly used the services of a certain Naska Chernigovka. By the way, she, along with other healers, was accused of spoiling Queen Evdokia in 1638. The sorceress was famous for softening men's hearts, pacifying the jealous and rescuing women from beatings.

So, her favorite spell was divination on soap, salt, whitewash and ashes. The converted sufferer was asked to wash herself with charmed soap and generously paint her face with whitewash. Without saving, salt should be added to the husband’s food and drink, as well as the ashes from the burnt shirt collar.

Whether the sorceress helped many is not known. True, there is evidence that one of the naive wives, instead of the expected affection and love, received new portions of cuffs from her husband.

Not all female tricks acted as intended, but failures only kindled the desire to find that very win-win recipe for the "love spell" of the faithful.

Everything in the apartment seemed to be dead. Half-empty bottles of beer, vodka and cigarette butts lay mixed on the table. He suffered. He was resolutely reminded of Alina by everything in this apartment, which they furnished together. He recalled with pain and bitterness her ringing laugh, and a salty tear reluctantly rolled down to his chin. “A man shouldn't cry,” flashed somewhere in his subconscious, but Igor knew that no one sees him here, and he can give vent to feelings.

Everything was jumbled up in his head: days, dates, events. What is today's date? What day of the week? These questions seemed mediocre to him. Everything seemed to have died in my soul, after leaving, after my wife's betrayal. "Whore," his head kept spinning, "scum." Over a bottle, he thought over a plan of revenge more than once, sorting through a pile of events of recent days.

It happened suddenly, as soon as he loosened his grip. He never gave her the opportunity to go alone to clubs or even to her friends' birthdays (they were all whores too, Igor knew). The phone was carefully checked, contact, soap, personal folders. He knew all her passwords, everything to the smallest detail: even the time and place of her manicure, beautician, classes in the gym. All this was carefully controlled and rechecked. If someone was thinking about how to find out that his wife is a whore, he could conduct a master class, so total was the control of all his wife's contacts.

Once she already tried to leave him, but at the cost of incredible efforts, he managed to return Alina. She was an attractive girl, and Igor was now certainly sure that these whores must be kept in tight rein - otherwise a little, and they will give a tear. He would not allow a second hint of his wife's infidelity. But nevertheless it happened, and now he does not stop thinking how to take revenge on his wife for treason.

“I didn’t even beat her even once, but I had to,” thought Igor, with regret and fury, recalling their life together. “A woman must know her place,” he repeated to himself again and again, clutching a pack of cigarettes in his hands, so that they had already turned into a mess of tobacco and paper. - She even put on specially short skirts for work. I know, I know, I threw them all away, but she still took it with her and changed clothes.

Igor felt deeply deceived, insulted, scolded, trampled, mixed with mud. And he wanted to do the same to her. How? Burn her car? Wait for her near the house and express everything that he thinks of her?

After the betrayal of his wife, he sent her a dozen messages with this text. He was filled with indignation, a feeling of some inner heaviness. All the mats of the world would not be enough to describe her heinous betrayal. "Cheating wife. Cheating wife. CHEATING WIFE, - pounded in the temples of Igor. - Selling prostitute, seduced by his car. I suppose she brought him here, fucked him right on this bed.

Igor felt that something was wrong. He was absent for a week - he went to the funeral of his grandmother in the village, called her every hour, and several times she did not pick up the phone. Then she answered and said that she was in the shower. It was at this moment, Igor was sure, that the very same thing happened. They were here on this bed. He could not, did not want to imagine Alina with another man, but intrusive thoughts did not leave his head.

He had to draw out a confession of cheating on his wife for a long time. Alina did not want to confess to anything, and he even had to threaten her with his fist a couple of times. He knew for sure that something was, could not be.

Igor even read that according to Sharia law, cheating on a wife was punishable by death. “Very right,” he thought angrily, imagining the most brutal torture that he would gladly now carry out on Alina. And female circumcision was invented by very smart men. He satisfied her regularly. He knew that she couldn't help but enjoy their sex life. Look - others cheat, and he constantly pointed this out to Alina, and he is faithful, he never looked at another skirt!

To prevent his wife from cheating, he specifically told her the stories of his friends: some of them were even frequenters of prostitutes, and generally believed that a man can be cheated on, but a woman - in no case. He himself agreed with this point of view and spoke about this to Alina more than once: if a man periodically goes “to the left”, but it’s just sex for one night, this is not treason, but if he got himself a mistress and sleeps with her regularly, - then yes, this is treason. Sex with another man, whatever it may be, in any case, is a betrayal of his wife. His friends agreed with him on this, and he knew it was right and fair.

On the one hand, Igor wanted to take revenge on her, but on the other hand, to return her, and both of these thoughts haunted him. Either he imagined the cold corpse of Alina and her new lover, then he imagined her kneeling in front of him, then how she would kiss his feet, begging for forgiveness. He will bully her, she will regret that she did so. In his dreams, he went even further: he imagined how they would leave her alone, pregnant, disgraced. How the whole city will say: “Alina is a whore” ... Yes, he would put some effort into this.

Igor looked at his watch. After the betrayal of his wife, he did it out of habit, because he knew what time her work ends. He stalked her there more than once, but she refused to talk to him alone. He called her a whore several times in front of the whole team and was pleased with this: “Let everyone know what she really is.”

It was already eight o'clock, and Igor began to pull on his pants. I had to go for vodka, and at the same time pass it by gym. He imagined how he would spit in her face and push her into a dirty, black puddle that was left after the rain.

Cheating Wife: Debriefing

Why does our hero react so sharply to treason? Why does he want to avenge his wife's betrayal, why can't he forget her? Why did he torment her with pathological jealousy, why does he want to return? How to identify men who will never forgive a cheating wife, and how to recognize women who are prone to cheating?

These and many other questions are answered by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, reveals real reasons Alina's departure and the current situation.

In the context of betrayal, it is most acutely perceived by a person with whom Igor is.

As is obvious from the text, Igor had a grudge against women even before he met Alina. Unsuccessful experience of previous relationships (perhaps, again, cheating on his wife) or some - we don’t know for sure, and it doesn’t matter. Igor projects his onto women in general and onto new relationships and becomes a real domestic tyrant, who is unconditionally confident in the venality, commercialism and debauchery of the entire female race on planet Earth.

Moreover, an anal man always thinks in terms of “clean” and “dirty”: a “clean” woman for him is one who is immaculate, a “dirty” woman is one who had a sexual relationship before marriage, she is also a prostitute. The whole essence of the anal man is turned into the past. In his thinking, the world is always degrading, and what was before is always better. Therefore, such men always strive for their woman, but in no case should you talk about them even at gunpoint.

The betrayal of his wife is a filth that affects him as well. After all, this is his woman, his house, and she brought treason there, and, therefore, she denigrated, polluted. Offended by women, men will be pathologically jealous in order to “prevent” this situation. They have a heightened sense of justice, but this is the justice that divides everything equally: as I act, so should I be treated, and if this is not so, then it is wrong, unfair and should be punished by a righteous court. If he was treated unfairly, then it is necessary to take revenge so that the offender experiences the same pain as himself.

By their nature, they are monogamous and expect the same from their partners: I do not cheat, so they should not cheat on me. This is a rule, a law, a dogma, an inviolable commandment of relationships, so cheating on a wife for an anal man is not just betrayal and a knife in the back, it's the end of the world!

An anal man becomes sexually attached to a partner, the novelty factor is always stressful for him, so it is difficult for such a man to leave his woman, it is difficult to forget her. And such a situation arises that he cannot switch to another woman, and he himself suffers from the inability to return and forget his first woman.

A deep understanding of yourself and your partner, as well as the keys to a happy family life without cheating on your wife, with the knowledge of how to prevent and prevent the occurrence of such situations in the future - this is what you will get by mastering the knowledge of Systemic Vector Psychology. And even if the worst thing in your life has already happened, it's never too late to start all over again.

... The female doctor raised her eyes from the papers in response to the greeting of Alena, who hesitantly stopped at the door:

“Come in, Alena Evgenievna, sit down, your tests are ready. Why did you come alone? Is your husband not interested in the results of your joint examination?

Alena, whom her husband had dropped out of the car in front of the clinic five minutes ago and, having given gas, drove off to work, hesitated: “Well, why aren’t they interested? He's just very busy today."

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“Understood,” the doctor chuckled. - Well, dear, we analyzed all the data on you and came to the conclusion that all your fears about your infertility are absolutely groundless. You are an extremely healthy woman in today's times, so you can conceive and give birth without difficulty. And she added after a short pause: "Unless, of course, you change your partner."

“What does it mean to change partners? - Alena was confused, barely having time to rejoice at the words of the doctor. “I don’t have a partner, but a husband.”

“Physiology, you know, doesn’t care if you have a stamp in your passport,” the doctor said condescendingly. - And from this point of view, your spouse is your sexual partner. But the trouble is that this partner is not able to make you a mother. Parotitis, or, simply speaking, mumps, which he suffered in childhood, gave a complication typical in such cases - infertility.

“But he has no problems in this matter,” Alena said with conviction.

“He has a problem - he is sterile,” the doctor was categorical. “I admit that in bed your husband is a real stallion, only problem-free potency is by no means a guarantee of equally problem-free fertility.”

There was a brief silence in the office. “But even if this is a complication after mumps, is it really so serious? - Alena asked incredulously. - He's healthy as a bull! He goes to the gym, dives with scuba gear, pours himself with cold water. Science does not stand still, new methods of treatment appear, medicines are different - is there really nothing that can be done?

“Unfortunately, your husband's reproductive function is lost forever,” the doctor's tone left no hope. - If you do not believe me, go to other specialists. But I assure you, you will hear the same thing everywhere. By the way, why didn’t he come after all?”

“He does not believe that something could be wrong with him,” Alena said quietly. - He went to the examination only to keep me behind him. It took me almost a year to persuade him.”

“So your husband blames only you for your fruitless marriage?” – said the doctor.

“You know, I can’t even say that he accuses me,” Alena said in confusion. - He is not at all very concerned that we do not have children. He has a lot of business concerns, he disappears at work all day long, and when I start talking about a child, he gets terribly annoyed and says that at our age you still don’t have to worry about it. But we have been living together for seven years, and in this case, time is not working for me.

"Yes," the doctor smiled. - A woman, alas, is not wine, and time will never work for her. Only weight is added, and even wisdom, which, I must say, is also not good for a woman: she begins to see and understand too much.

Alena's cell phone rang in her purse. The number was unfamiliar, and she did not pick up the phone - not the moment. Thinking about what she heard, she got up from her chair and mechanically headed for the exit. Already almost at the door, turning around, she said: “Thank you, doctor. Although you didn’t say anything good to me.”

“Well, I just don’t think that I didn’t say anything good to you at all,” the doctor shrugged. “At least your childbearing function does not raise questions, so you can become a mother.”

“How can I become a mother if my husband is barren?” Alena was surprised.

“You see, my dear ... Your husband is not the only man in this world, so the dream of having a baby can be realized with someone else,” the elderly woman condescendingly explained.

“But we actually have a family, and I want a child from my husband! Alena blurted out indignantly. “He is my first and only man!”

“The only man is respect, believe me,” the doctor said without a shadow of a smile. - But I repeat, you can give birth only if your husband ceases to be your only one. Another man will make you a mother, this one will not. Such, alas, is the cruel truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be for you. I have nothing more to say to you. All the best!"

... Alena, leaving the doctor's office, went down the stairs to the exit on wadded legs. And now what i can do? She understood that between the desire to become a mother and save a family with Andrei, she would choose the latter without hesitation. Well, after all, couples live without children, they are not the first and they are not the last. Of course, there is a long process of rethinking values ​​in order to get rid of the dream of a child. But she knows that she can handle it - for Andrey's sake. “But how can I tell him about it? she suddenly panicked. “That kind of news will definitely knock him out of the rut.”

Photo by Getty Images

From the bag again made itself felt mobile. It was the same unknown number. There was no desire to pick up the phone, but suddenly something urgent?

"Good afternoon! Alena Golovanova? a young female voice asked.

“Yes, it’s me,” Alena answered in surprise. The voice, like the phone number, was completely unfamiliar to her.

"My name is Vera. I'm calling you about Andrei,” said the voice.

"What about him?" - Alena asked anxiously, feverishly thinking about what could happen to her husband in the short time they parted at the clinic door.

“He's all right, don't worry,” the voice on the phone somehow faded a little. - Here's the thing ... I wanted to meet with you, but I decided that it would be easier for both you and me by phone. In short, Andrei and I will have a child. I don’t want to hurt you, but, as I understand it, you can’t give birth, it’s not for nothing that you haven’t had children for so many years. Therefore, it will be noble of you not to prevent your husband from being happy. Andrey still doesn’t know, I myself just found out today that I’m pregnant. So I decided to call right away to dot the i's. It will probably be difficult for him to communicate with you on this topic, so I decided to spare him this conversation and tell you everything as it is. What do you think?"

Alena did not know what to say in such cases. "Who are you?" she asked hoarsely.

“I am your husband's beloved woman,” the voice said. - Do not think that I enjoy the fact that Andrei is married. And I feel sorry for you as a woman. You after all dream about the child, I know. But if you are not destined to become a mother, do not deprive another person of parental happiness - this is selfish. You must understand everything and let him go with a pure soul.

After the fact of infidelity is revealed, it really doesn’t matter how it happened: whether the husband himself told, or you caught him. The main thing is that now you are aware and you need to do something further. Everything starts the same. Yesterday is yours family life was not overshadowed by anything - and now all the bright memories are crossed out by the betrayal of her husband.

Typical behavior of deceived women

You are bursting with resentment, rage, you are trying to understand why this happened and what you were to blame for. In such a situation, any deceived woman will lose the ability to think sensibly.

Those who have read women's magazines, we run to buy new expensive underwear, change the hairstyle, style of clothing, or urgently look for a lover so that the hubby immediately understands what he is refusing.

The only thought that is in the head of a deceived wife is: you can’t give up your husband! We love him too much, we are too attached to him, even though he is a scoundrel and a traitor.

The usual reaction of a woman to the fact of infidelity is this: wives shed tons of tears, arrange grandiose scandals for their husbands, demand that they urgently break off all relations with the “other”. The wife lives in despair, constantly worries, doubts and suspects. That is, it turns into a hypochondriac suspicious little wife with constantly red eyes from tears and a hoarse voice from constant screams.

The first few weeks after infidelity are especially difficult. This is especially difficult to survive if the husband has not yet decided for sure whether he wants to stay with you or go to his mistress. Such a "suspended" state will unbalance any, the most calm and cold-blooded woman.

6 is impossible

Don't build yourselfsacrifice

Women are very fond of wearing the mask of a humiliated victim. Of course, this mask is not so seductive, but it is cozy and homely. But imagine a situation when a husband who has cheated on a woman comes home. He can no longer decide whether his mistress is worthy of a destroyed family and the rejection of an established family life. And then he is met by an angry woman in the mask of the victim. Pounds of accusations pour out on the poor husband right from the doorway, and all his excuses bounce off the mask, without affecting women's emotions in any way.

However, male guilt also cannot last forever. For a while he will bear the charges, but then he will get tired of it and he will go to a place where he is not accused of all mortal sins every single day.

Of course, you are actually a victim. A victim of infidelity, male polygamy, a victim of a society accustomed to male infidelity. But it is enough to think about it just once, feel sorry for yourself and not remember again.

Don't expose your husband

This is the most standard mistake of every deceived woman. Once having caught the faithful in treason, we strive to catch him again. But it doesn’t even occur to us to think, why do we need this?

We sneak up on my husband's phone at night, looking for compromising texts, outgoing calls. We do the same with our husband's entire wardrobe, purse, purse and everything where we can find at least some clue.

But think about it, why are you doing this? To once again make sure that your husband cheated on you? And what's next - to pounce on the faithful with the next accusations? There is no point in this. Yes, for some time the husband will make excuses, but very soon he will react aggressively to your constant suspicions.

So, you should not look for new evidence of your husband's vicious relationship with another woman. If this should happen, the evidence will catch your eye on its own. But it is completely pointless to deliberately breed resentment and bitterness from betrayal in yourself, moreover, it can lead to health problems.

Don't try to contact your mistress

Of course, that other woman, also a woman, is also looking for happiness, but female solidarity will not help you here. You are the warring parties, fighting for the trophy, which is your missus. Even if she wants to talk to you, it’s still not worth it to “negotiate”.

It is completely pointless to think that conscience will play in the opponent and she will present herself in your place. Rather, everything will happen quite the opposite. She will pretend to be an innocent victim, and she will expose you in front of her husband as a hysterical and evil bitch.

After all, you understand who your husband will calm down in the first place. Therefore, it is better never to get in touch with another woman and not try to influence the relationship between them in any way. But to collect information about her on the sly, to try to analyze what she hooked your husband on - it may not be superfluous at all.

No ultimatums

Try to delay the moment when you have to say "it's either her or me" as long as possible. The fact is that the first time immediately after the betrayal, while the emotions have not yet subsided, it may well happen that she will calmly say to such an ultimatum: “well, I choose her.” And he will leave. So, until the situation is completely cleared up, until you understand what you are dealing with, there is no need to rush with such ultimatums.

No jealousy

If you start trying to arouse jealousy in your husband, he, completely blinded by new feelings for his mistress, may perceive your behavior as consent to divorce, as your readiness to end this relationship and begin a new stage of a new life without a husband.

Don't ignore your flaws

It is quite logical to assume that you yourself are to some extent guilty of cheating on your husband. Something made him look for "consolation" on the side. Perhaps he lacked attention, perhaps you were too carried away by everyday problems and completely forgot about romance. In any case, you should not throw all the blame on the faithful, analyze your behavior better and try to correct your mistakes.

Sad as it may seem, but many deceived husbands wondered what to do if their wife cheated or asked for advice from friends, acquaintances, and specialists. So what if you caught your soul mate with your lover or found out about it from someone, and then the fact of infidelity was confirmed? Immediately file for divorce or punish the unfaithful spouse with beatings and house arrest? As you can see, there are many questions, as well as solutions. However, I don't think you should jump to conclusions.

First, try to cool down. Make decisions on hot head has always been considered unreasonable. It is necessary to understand why this happened. Or maybe it's all about you? Maybe you yourself made some mistake? Let's try to figure this out.

Women are divided into two categories: wives and mistresses. For women-wives after marriage, the main meaning of life is keeping the hearth, caring for and raising children, housekeeping, they are hardworking, calm, love their husbands and are submissive to them. For them, the most important thing is the integrity of the family and home comfort.

But female lovers, on the contrary, prefer a free lifestyle. They do not like to depend on men, even being married. However, they love expensive gifts, visiting haunted places, and they can secretly meet with several men, whether they are married or single. Most often, their choice falls on wealthy men. For many of them, the age or sexual power of their chosen one makes no difference.

If you are married to a female mistress, then wait until you ask yourself what to do if your wife cheated and what to do. If your spouse is in the first category, then you are lucky.

However, statistics show that, often, a wife's betrayal is the husband's fault. A lot of men, after a few years after marriage, begin to pay less attention to their life partners, often drink (), often sexual relations become less and less. This is the most common reason for cheating wife. Not finding sexual satisfaction in bed with her husband, a woman begins to look for love on the side.

Therefore, if you find out about the betrayal, do not rush to make a scandal or rush to your missus with your fists. First, talk to her, ask her why it happened, what made her go to such an extreme. After all, men themselves are often to blame for this. For example, wanting to attract the attention of her husband, who has already begun to look at other women, causing jealousy in him.

So, men, ask yourself if you are doing everything right. What needs to be done to prevent this from happening. If you don’t want to ask anyone what to do if your wife cheated, then don’t forget those to whom you once swore love and fidelity. Respect their opinion, do not make them constantly jealous, be affectionate and attentive, ask if she is sexually satisfied with you.

For jealous husbands, I can say one thing - get a divorce. For you, this is an irreparable blow, and a very painful one at that. You will constantly be haunted by this thought that your wife, whom you may love so much, was with another. This will not give you rest, and you can do something unpredictable.

And for the rest I will say, if you find the strength in yourself to forgive your spouse, then try not to allow this to happen again in the future, follow the advice given above.

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