Nasty feeling. Disgust for people. Disgust is a negative human feeling and the ability to experience sharp hostility or antipathy, combined with disgust and satiety

Question for a psychologist:

Hello! I'm not sure I wrote in the right section, I hope it's okay?

I’m 19 years old, I’m studying for a profession I love, I have enough money, everything is fine, but from time to time I get an absolutely causeless feeling of disgust for some person, or just like that. It’s so unpleasant for me that I feel some kind of aftertaste (?) of this feeling for the whole day, it’s as if it’s stuck somewhere in the solar plexus, I want to cry or just lie down and lie face down in the pillow. Of course, I fight this as best I can, but it doesn’t always work out.

I look at the cashier at the supermarket, a very pleasant, sweet girl, and the next second I’m already shaking, she seems somehow... I can’t describe it, but I feel disgusted, scared, sad. I come to the university and see my classmate, he is as usual, but today he makes me sick, today he seems pathetic, disgusting, lifeless to me. The next day everything is fine. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, and this feeling appears after some kind of dream, but such a fleeting feeling is forgotten after half an hour, I don’t remember such dreams, although I usually remember everything. Sometimes this feeling appears from some situations, sometimes just like that, in the abstract. Once a couple of years ago I met a nice guy, we walked around, held hands and all that. And one day we were walking down the street, spring, everything is very beautiful, he takes me by the hand as usual and just hits me with such disgust, I told him that I urgently need to go home, I left, and never wrote or called him again , and every memory associated with him is colored by this disgust. I would have thought that this was somehow connected with some kind of traumatic experience, and I immediately began to remember all the most tragic things in my life - the most terrible thing, it seems, that happened to me was my sister’s suicide attempt. I couldn’t recover from this for a long time, and by the way, I feel a permanent disgust for her, but it’s mild, and I don’t show it, because I still love her. But I remembered that I felt such attacks in childhood, and at 10 years old, and at 8, even before all these events.

Real situations in which this feeling would be appropriate happen to me extremely rarely. I will also say that I probably had depression or some other disorder since I was 13 years old. I cried every day, I thought that my parents wished me harm, I was upset that life would end, that the planets revolved in a huge galaxy that I would never recognize, I thought that all the good things had ended long ago, I woke up and immediately burst into tears, brushed my teeth and cried . In general, the entire period from 13 to 16 was like a curved line, where at the bottom there is apathy, tears in the subway, hatred of oneself, one’s body (I haven’t eaten for five days), and at the top there is hysterical happiness, self-love, almost delusions of grandeur . At such peaks, everything around was joyful and fast, it seemed to me that I would move mountains, I was better than everyone, that I was so incredible that simply no one could understand me, because to understand me, you need to be as incredible as me, and such people no more, well, etc. Then, at 16, I was somehow able to overcome this, and my state became calm, no mood swings, I sensibly assess my strength, my body, my relationships with my family and others. This is just disgusting. It looks like a sore throat, like a dead child, like scary huge eyes, I don’t know how to describe it all, it comes about once every 3 days. I eat normally, I breathe fresh air often, well, if that’s suddenly important. Thanks for the answer.

Psychologist Ksenia Vadimovna Kondaurova answers the question.

Hello, dear Anna. I’m not supposed to make “diagnoses” on the Internet, but judging by what you write about the period of your life from 13 to 16 years old (inexplicable mood swings, first depression, then hysterical happiness, and depression is very pronounced in the morning), you have there are symptoms of cyclothymia. This is absolutely not scary, read about it on the Internet. In this case, the feeling of disgust is a slightly modified depression that has found its subject. How could this work? You experienced depression and anxiety, and when there was no obvious reason for this. This caused even greater concern. Therefore, your psyche has found an object to vent all negative feelings - other people. It's like anxious kids who watch horror movies to vent their fears. And since feeling depressed towards a stranger is somehow strange, it changed into disgust. But the echoes of depression still reach you. These are my imagination, the actual mechanism may differ.

But, since I’m still not a psychiatrist, and I haven’t talked to you live, I could be wrong. Let's look at another option.

So, perhaps I'm wrong and your condition is not caused by biological reasons. In this case, the reasons are in your life style, ways of reacting, your attitude towards yourself and others. Those. in your psyche.

And here, I think, the same mechanism of objectification is also at work. Perhaps you feel dissatisfaction or melancholy, which is taken out in this way. In this case, you need to figure out what exactly doesn’t suit you in your life, who or what these negative feelings are really intended for. Hint: Sometimes a feeling of disgust comes over you when some kind of violence occurs. It doesn’t matter whether it’s physical, psychological, whether it’s done to a person or whether he does it to himself.

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Disgust is a negative human feeling and the ability to experience sharp hostility or antipathy, combined with disgust and satiety

Why do you need to know what Disgust is?

The feeling of Disgust is a very difficult feeling. Disgust is an extremely dangerous feeling and a consequence of unlimitedness, immoderation, gluttony, rejection and unjustified expectations. You ask why dangerous?

The esoteric explanation of the danger of this feeling is as follows: It's all about the characteristics of our Soul.

Unlike conscience, the Soul is subject to the evil influence of feelings, reason and false Egoism. This means that to satisfy the Soul, increasingly strong Emotions are needed. Extinguished feelings for his wife lead to his mistress. Maybe this way you will find a new taste of happiness, the person thinks? But this is still a very long way from death due to Disgust! A flash in the brain and an insatiable feeling of Voluptuousness leads a person to sexual Debauchery.

Fed up with ordinary sex, he rushes into all serious things, such as sadism, masochism, swinging. When these pleasures become boring, a person is drawn to even more sophisticated pleasures, and there is no limit to this. Ultimately, the last refuge of voluptuousness becomes a crime against Man - murder. Either suicide or murder of another.

Knowing all his disgustingness and baseness, a person is forced to lead an unconscious lifestyle or find salvation in Cynicism and Misanthropy, Aggression. He begins to think with disgust about people, about life, about himself. He Hates Everyone and Everything! He believes that the outside world treats him with Disgusting Hostility and Antipathy. He experiences Self-Loathing and Fear of Death and this real Fear of Death ends in Suicide.

How the feeling of Disgust manifests itself and the formula

When does Disgust occur? It turns out that if you do a deep analysis, then Disgust is an acquired feeling that arises according to a certain formula. This formula involves the following human Feelings - Hunger, Expectation, Satisfaction, Satiety, Habituation, Satiety, Disgust, Disrespect.

The sequence of these feelings described here is the formula for Disgust.

Emotional Hunger > Anticipation > Satisfaction > Satiety > Habituation > Satiety > Disgust > Disrespect Disgust is actually poisoning with these feelings, monstrous fatigue and foggy Consciousness. Disgust is a complete incapacity for its opposite feeling of Temperance.

Needless to say, our whole life is constantly aimed at obtaining pleasures and pleasures. However, when feelings have passed the stage of hunger, satiety and satiety, they often fall into the stage of disgust. A person doesn’t want anything, everything makes him sick, everything is unpleasant and disgusting. A large and interesting section - Human Feelings - is still awaiting my description of these wonderful states of Man. Positive Feelings radiate positive energy and a state of Happiness. Therefore, the importance of feelings and emotions cannot be underestimated.

So, let's continue about the feeling of Disgust.

Disgust cannot be understood as a highly specialized feeling - let’s say for food, this is a broader concept. There is disgust towards anyone, both an animate, living creature and an inanimate one. Disgust occurs towards an entire society, society, state, system, world, towards oneself. The purpose of this article is to give the concept and idea of ​​the feeling of Disgust, to try to give the basic idea and coloring of negativity or positivity. If we describe in detail and deeply about the feeling of Disgust, then with examples and vivid manifestations it will take several pages and this is the topic of an entire book.

Prevent the feeling of Disgust in your married life

In married life, the feeling of Disgust is an extreme trait. In order to prevent a feeling of Disgust in family relationships, spouses must have great Wisdom or at least experience in how to maintain hunger in their relationships, how to properly build a system of restrictions in relationships, how to prevent addiction, not to get bogged down in routine and everyday life, how to maintain Romance in family relationships.

As you understand, family relationships are not just conversations, they are a whole range of both feelings and emotions. This is a deep energy exchange at the subconscious level. When at least one of the spouses is fed up, the family is under threat - at any moment, satiety can develop into deep Disgust.

An ideal marriage presupposes the ability to keep a small distance in Feelings and relationships. This is Wisdom when it is necessary to prevent coldness and aloofness, and at the same time, not to allow addiction and satiety into the relationship, which threatens to develop into Disgust.

Spouses do not notice each other's shortcomings when they are bored and sensually Hungry. When saturation sets in, the gaze first falls on the roughness of the skin, spots on the nose, folds of the abdomen and, in increasing order, disgust. Satiation occurs when the shortcomings of your loved one become clear and contrasting.

An increase in the feeling of Disgust occurs not only due to external signs or behavior. The spouses experience a strong antipathy towards each other, a hostility filled with disgust and disgust as a result of different points of view. For example, attitude towards some events or objects. The husband loves perfect cleanliness, the wife has a different point of view and allows significant contamination of both the dishes in the sink and a thick layer of dust on the shelves.

The Husband’s hostility occurs, developing into insults, coldness, aloofness, and disgust. When people do not know how to keep their distance in family communication and allow reproaches and swearing to invade their personal space, and turn to personal insults, a feeling of disrespect arises.

Negative influence of Disgust on the state of Happiness

Hypertrophied and insatiable feelings of Pleasure completely distort the emotional coloring of the state of Happiness. When the taste of happiness is wrong, directed in the other direction from morality, aimed at something vicious, satiety and disgust appear. The feeling of Saturation completely contradicts the bright state of Human Happiness.

Physiology of Disgust

From a physiological point of view, Disgust is actual poisoning and the inability to process excess hormonal levels released by the Pituitary Gland. Adrenaline and Dopamine are considered hormones of pleasure and, in fact, narcotic substances that are generated by the human body itself.

As you understand, the requirement for a higher level of hormonal levels of pleasure leads to a refusal to process excesses from the human adrenal glands and liver, or to a complete refusal to generate new portions of hormones by the pituitary gland. At the same time, at the level of the body’s protective functions, a feeling of Aversion to pleasure is developed.

Psychologist Victoria Markelova:

Instinctive hostility does not exist

— Other people are always mirrors for us. What offends others, what is incredibly popular or incredibly annoying, should be read as a signal that provides information about oneself.

For example, we are terribly annoyed by a colleague who has done nothing wrong to us. Moreover, he may not pay attention to us at all, but we look at him and simply lose our temper. There may be several reasons.

Victoria Markelova, psychologist. Photo from the site vdohnovimir.ru

Projection

Each of us has an ideal image of ourselves, which is very difficult to part with. It’s not for nothing that the Gospel says that “we see a speck in someone else’s eye, but we don’t notice a log in our own.” We don’t want to see shortcomings in ourselves, and the more we don’t like something about ourselves, the more we don’t accept it - this is how psychological defense works.

And when something about another person constantly, inexplicably and greatly irritates us, look inside yourself.

For example, we don’t like being ambitious in a colleague; it’s possible that we ourselves have it inside, but we just don’t recognize it.

And we project our unconscious onto another - it’s easier to get irritated and angry on another than on ourselves. This is how we relieve tension and neutralize the conflict within ourselves. In general, we are deceiving ourselves.

Particular anger at “our” other people’s shortcomings can be explained precisely by the fact that the poor “irritant” gets it both for himself and for “that guy” - we take out on him the hostility that we cannot turn against ourselves.

Of course, not everything that is unpleasant to us in other people is in ourselves. It’s worth thinking about when irritation is of a high degree and is rationally inexplicable, so to speak, “instinctive.”

Envy

This is the second reason why strange irritation may occur. . Envy is a feeling that I really don’t want to admit to myself. It is difficult to accept that you are jealous, because it means that you lack something, that you want something, but cannot. And then you begin to get angry with a successful colleague or relative and accuse him, for example, of getting something dishonestly, or of sucking up to everyone, so everything is fine with him.

We get angry because we can't do it ourselves. And then even some good trait in this person begins to irritate us.

For example, easy-going or the ability to find a common language with anyone - after all, it seems to us that thanks to these qualities the person received something that we cannot get.

And so easy-going behavior in envious eyes becomes frivolity and irresponsibility, and sociability becomes the ability to suck up and lie like crazy.

The reason for envy may also be that we deceive ourselves in our desires and motives. Here’s an example: one person is terribly indignant that he is so creative, but doesn’t earn as much money as Uncle Vasya, who does some nonsense. But Uncle Vasya’s motive is to make money, and he makes it. And an indignant person has a motive - to do something with meaning, to bring good into the world. Then, it turns out that if Uncle Vasya’s motive is money, and yours is good, you are simply on different planes. Are you ready to change your motive to get more money?

You need to ask yourself the question: what do you want more? Money, like Uncle Vasya, or something else? Because in this case it’s a conflict: they don’t pay big money for light and high things. And if envy and irritation go off scale, you need to figure out your motive, is it real? Or how much of it is from oneself, and how much is from social roles and obligations? Or maybe the person simply doesn’t know how to make money?

Trespassing

The third reason for incomprehensible hostility is our own inability to defend our boundaries.

For example, they tell you: “Come with me” or: “Come visit me today.” Or (boss): “Stay today and work overtime!”

The person agrees, comes, stays to work, and then begins to experience great irritation with the one he listened to, because he believes that he was forced.

But instead of admitting that he himself does not know how to say “no,” he transfers this irritation to his tormentor. And he begins to get annoyed because he was forced, but in fact he did not want to.

It seems stupid to be offended by the person who invited you - he didn’t drag it by force; You also don’t want to be angry with yourself for agreeing – that’s what results in such deep hostility and a desire to avoid a person to whom you cannot say “no.” As a result, both the tormentor himself, who suppresses you (which he himself, however, does not even know about), and all his manifestations become unpleasant.

And this is natural, because our borders are our security, and anyone who, in our opinion, breaks through them seems to us an invader. Therefore, it is important to protect and defend borders! Otherwise, you will continue to be surrounded by “invaders”, rapists, and they will not understand what they have done wrong to you: they simply offered, and you simply agreed.

Forgotten problem

And finally, the fourth reason for “instinctive hostility” is some kind of repressed trauma.

It happens that a person cannot stand a certain type of people. For example, tall and thin. He can’t stand them to such an extent that he can’t even touch them without disgust - it’s the same as touching an insect. Such things may be tied to some repressed childhood traumas. Maybe an adult, tall, thin uncle approached a little girl at the age of three and scared her with something. In the unconscious part of the psyche, fear remains and is consolidated. Then a person grows up and no longer remembers, but this suppressed, forgotten, repressed, associated with some kind of trauma or unpleasant situation, develops into such hostility.

This can happen not only in childhood, but in adulthood something happens to us, and the psyche works in such a way that we forget it.

If it is very unpleasant, then we convince ourselves that it did not happen.

Nevertheless, the image that traumatized us remains, and we will feel hostility towards it, without understanding why we feel this.

How to live and fight with all this

First, you need to honestly admit to yourself that there really is a problem: hostility towards a person who seems to absolutely not deserve it. He does not harm us, he has no or almost no influence on our lives, but irritation or disgust towards him is present.

Awareness of the problem is the first step to solving it, because, having realized it, we seem to take the problem outside, we can look at it from the outside and understand what to do next. By the way, it’s not so easy to realize, because we are used to considering ourselves white and fluffy, and even admitting to ourselves that we are incredibly angry at, in general, a person who is not guilty of anything is difficult.

Keep a diary of feelings

Second step- This is keeping a diary. It is necessary to describe in writing as detailed as possible what specifically irritates a person. We take a notepad and draw a table in three columns. The first is the cause of irritation, for example, “he sits and spins in his chair” or “laughs insincerely when talking to his boss.” The second is my feeling that arises about this. Third - how, in my opinion, an “irritant” should behave. We keep such a diary for at least a week, with all care.

We need to start analyzing the issue point by point, that is, very clearly, on paper. Because when everything is only in thoughts, it scatters in all directions. I need to clearly write down what I specifically don’t like, what annoys me.

It is necessary to write down all the details - it’s not just annoying and that’s all - but you don’t like the way he talks, or ingratiates himself with the boss, or sucks up to everyone, is a hypocrite, puts on airs, brags, etc.

There will be several results here. Firstly, we will bring out the feelings and emotions that previously tormented us from the inside. Secondly, we can figure out for ourselves whether there is something in ourselves that irritates us so terribly. Or maybe we really don’t, but we really want it?

In my practice there was a very quiet and modest girl who was afraid to speak out and speak. And her colleague at work wouldn’t shut his mouth. That is, she told everyone exactly what she thought.

And this irritated the quiet girl to the point of fainting; she called her colleague an upstart, and vain, and worse.

But in fact, she wanted to be able to be so decisive herself. But for a very long time she did not want to admit to herself that she also wanted to be able to behave so openly. That is, in fact, she liked the quality that her colleague had and the lack of which she was so upset about.

Or another example. Let’s say I’m incredibly annoyed by the gossip that a person engages in at work. Then I need to track how I behave myself, and then ask: “Am I not gossiping myself?”

Your first instinct will be to say “no.” But take your time, think about it, and then try asking someone you trust. You need to learn to watch yourself carefully.

If the cause of irritation and hostility towards another is found and eliminated, then the irritation goes away.

When a person admits that he is also not a saint and can also gossip, be jealous, boast, etc., he becomes more tolerant of those who are also not saints. This is a rule: the more tolerant we are able to treat ourselves and accept ourselves with shortcomings, the more tolerant we treat others.

If I discover in myself the same qualities that irritate me in another, I go to confession, and then say: “Okay. If God forgives, then why don’t I forgive myself?” Then I can be tolerant of others. That is, I will treat myself with love, and I will treat others with love.

This does not mean that you need to be tolerant of objectively bad actions and manifestations. Love the sinner and hate the sin.

An incident from private life

There was such a story with me.

In the parish where I worked as a psychologist, there was one lady who believed that psychology was one evil. And this lady was constantly secretly competing with me.

All the time she hurt me and provoked me. I just couldn't see her.

At some point I said: “I can’t do this anymore. I just can't stand her. I see her and I’m shaking.” What to do? I began to figure it out and ask myself questions: “What exactly bothers you about her? Competitiveness, okay, but aren’t you competitive yourself? And you can’t bear for someone to dare to be better than you. And you want to be in first place, to be the best, so that everyone loves and praises you. Don't her qualities have anything to do with you? Yes, you are just like her! You’re just younger and know how to behave better, so you win.”

Right at that moment I felt better. I laughed so hard: “Well, why are you attached to this aunt? I’m the same.”

The task is not to kill yourself for this and not to say: “Oh, how terrible you are!” And somehow treat it with humor and say: “Okay, let’s think about what we can do about it.”

Just by admitting it, of course, I won’t stop being, for example, a competitive person, but at least my irritation has disappeared. I didn't love her, but at least I stopped hating her. I accepted that I had this in me and calmed down about it.

Do not try to be friends with the “irritant”

There is a mistake that many people make when they want to be honest with themselves. Feeling guilty before a person for their dislike, they begin to treat the object of their dislike with exaggerated attention, deliberately trying to do something for him, trying to reverse their negativity.

To use a medical metaphor, these people are trying to carry the heavy bag of the “victim” with a broken arm. But until the arm grows together and gets stronger in the cast, any tension for it can be detrimental. Same here:

Until we realize the real reasons for our hostility and understand how to overcome them, such forced friendly behavior will not bring any good.

It will look hypocritical, but inside, in addition to hostility, aggression will also accumulate.

I would advise not to pester the object of hostility, but on the contrary: to step back a little and watch him. Try to understand why he behaves one way or another, what his internal reasons may be. Look at the world through his eyes, try to feel it - or, as the English say, walk a mile in his shoes. Perhaps something will be revealed to you, after which you will no longer be able to be angry with him.

Try to find out the person's history

One recent example: there was a girl in my daughter’s class. In the manner of behaving - like an upstart, a crook. Everywhere she climbed into the first row. I didn't like her at all. And then one day she came to me for advice, and it turned out that the situation at home was not very difficult, her parents kept her in a black body, controlled her every breath, and when she came to school, she compensated for all this there.

And, having actually seen how hard it was for her, I realized that she was “grimacing” because she simply did not know how to express herself correctly. And I thought: for so many years I considered her a pretentious one, but this is actually a suffering child.

It doesn't matter if it's a child or a colleague. Sometimes you learn a person’s story and think: “Now it’s clear why he behaves this way.”

You can try to get to know a person better, look into his life, into his pain without being rude.

Try to sympathize, try to see a living person who is also suffering. This can alleviate our irritation.

Perhaps friendship will not work out, but I believe that this is also a matter of love - to try to see the soul of a suffering person.