St. George Meshchovsky Monastery. Advice - fathers. Hegumen Georgy (Shestun) Shestun Georgy everyday wisdom of family life

On June 9, 2018, at the 58th year of his life, a resident of the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra reposed in the Lord,rector of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary in KulishkiHegumen Georgy (Bestaev).

Hegumen Georgy (Bestaev)

Hegumen Georgy (in the world - Vadik Fedorovich Bestaev) born May 12, 1961 in the village. Didmukha, Znaursky district, Georgian SSR. Baptized on April 22, 1984 in the Trinity Cathedral in Krasnoyarsk in honor of the Holy Martyr Vadim of Persia, Archimandrite (Comm. April 9/22). In 1978, Bestaev graduated from vocational school No. 5 in Ordzhonikidze, North Ossetian Autonomous Soviet Socialist Republic. After graduating from college, he worked in secular work, holding various positions from a worker on a collective farm to an electric welder and slinger at factories in Tskhinvali and Krasnoyarsk. In 1980-1982 he served in the tank forces as a gunner for tanks and was demobilized with the rank of junior sergeant. In 1986-1988 he served as a fireman and sexton in the Church of the Life-Giving Trinity in Krasnoyarsk.

In 1989, Vadik Fedorovich entered the Moscow Theological Seminary. Four years after completing his studies, he submitted a petition to be accepted as a novice into the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra. Soon he was enrolled in the monastery brethren. On March 19, 1993, he was tonsured a monk with the name George in honor of the Great Martyr George the Victorious. In the same year, on August 28, in the Assumption Cathedral of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archbishop Sergius of Solnechnogorsk (Fomin; now Metropolitan of Voronezh and Liskinsky) he was ordained to the rank of hierodeacon, and on April 29, 1995, His Holiness Patriarch of Moscow and All Rus' Alexy II (Ridiger, † 2008) in the Intercession Church of the Intercession Khotkovsky stauropegial convent, ordained Hierodeacon George to the rank of hieromonk. In 1998-2007, Father George served as the monastery commander of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra in the village. Loze, Sergiev Posad district, Moscow region.

On May 23, 2018, at approximately noon, Abbot Georgy (Bestaev) and altar server Mels Tadtaev, who was traveling with him, had an accident on the 122nd kilometer of the Yaroslavl highway towards Sergiev Posad. As a result of a car collision, the altar boy died on the spot, and Father George, who was driving, was severely injured.

In extremely serious condition due to an acute brain disorder, the priest was taken to the Central District Hospital of Sergiev Posad, where he was diagnosed with multiple injuries to the musculoskeletal system and internal organs. The priest was provided with emergency medical care. Upon stabilization of hemodynamic parameters for further treatment, Father Georgy was transported to the general intensive care unit of the Research Institute of Emergency Care named after. N.V. Sklifosovsky, Moscow. For more than two and a half weeks, doctors fought for his life. However, the wounds received turned out to be too severe, and, despite all the efforts of specialists, on the evening of June 9, 2018, on the eve of the day of remembrance of All Saints who shone in the Russian land, Father George died.

Throughout the next day, his spiritual children and parishioners, including the President of the Republic of South Ossetia Anatoly Bibilov, went to the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary on Kulishki in the Vagankovsky district of Moscow to say goodbye to their beloved shepherd. The Head of the Republic expressed his condolences to the relatives and flock of the abbot who died in Bose: “Father George was very worried about our Orthodox faith, he wanted the faith to be strengthened in Ossetia, and his every word and deed was dedicated to ensuring that we all tried together to be closer to God. During the most difficult events and troubles that we faced, Father George was with the people of Ossetia, always praying for the future of Ossetia. Today we must pray for his repose.".

By evening, the coffin with the body of Father George was transported to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra and installed in the Assumption Cathedral, where the brethren of the monastery, according to the charter, read the Gospel all night.

On June 11, the funeral service for Abbot George was performed at the end of the early Divine Liturgy in the Assumption Cathedral of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra by the abbot of the monastery, Archbishop Feognost of Sergiev Posad, concelebrating with the clergy and brethren of the monastery in holy rank.

The coffin with the body of the newly deceased father George was delivered to the village. Deulino, where the steward of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, abbot Eutychius (Gurin), served a short funeral litany for the deceased. Hegumen Georgy was buried in the fraternal monastery cemetery in the village. Deuline near the Church of the Savior Not Made by Hands.

Hegumen George was called the first Ossetian monk in post-Soviet times. On March 28, 2007, he was appointed rector of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Kulishki, the basis of the parish of which is mainly Orthodox Ossetians. The temple was transferred to the jurisdiction of the church community in 1996 with the blessing of Patriarch Alexy II and was given the status of a Patriarchal metochion. Thanks to Father George, the church became a second home for the parishioners.

For his work for the benefit of the Russian Orthodox Church, Abbot Georgy (Bestaev) was awarded hierarchical and church-wide awards. Among the latter are the Order of Saint Equal-to-the-Apostles Prince Vladimir and the right to wear a pectoral cross with decorations.

Father made an invaluable contribution to preserving the memory of the victims of the Beslan tragedy, which also affected him. On September 1, 2004, Abbot Georgy was supposed to come to Beslan to accompany his two nephews to school. Due to extreme busyness, the trip had to be postponed, and on the morning of September 1, he learned that both of his nephews had been taken hostage...

Funeral service for the monk of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Abbot Georgiy (Bestaeva).June 11, 2018

He was remembered as a man with a big and kind heart, who selflessly served God and people. The headman of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary on Kulishki, Oleg Khubetsov, told how he heard about the shelling of Tskhinvali on the night of Friday, August 8, 2008. At two o'clock in the morning he ran to the temple and saw that Father George was already there and praying intently. The next morning, the abbot hastily obtained permission to leave from the hierarchy: the vicar of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Bishop Theognostus, and the Patriarchal Vicar, Archbishop Arseny of Istra. With the bishop's blessing, he went to the combat area. “There are thousands suffering and dying there now - at least I’ll have time to give communion to someone,” he said at parting to his spiritual children. This phrase expressed all the pastoral love of Abbot George. For many, he was a confessor, godfather, caring father and just a friend.

Rest in peace, Lord, the soul of Your departed servant, the ever-remembered Abbot Georgy, and create for him eternal memory!

11.06.2018

At the age of 58, the rector of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary on Kulishki (Alan Compound), Abbot Georgy (Bestaev), died. A farewell ceremony took place in Moscow for the abbot.

Hundreds of parishioners came to say goodbye to the abbot at the Church at the Alan Compound, among them the President of South Ossetia Anatoly Bibilov. He expressed condolences to the family and friends of Father George and his flock.

“George was very worried about our Orthodox faith and wanted the faith to be strengthened in Ossetia. His every word and deed was dedicated to ensuring that we all tried together to be closer to God. During the most difficult events and troubles that we faced, Father George was with the people of Ossetia, he always prayed for the future of Ossetia, today we must pray for his repose,” said Anatoly Bibilov.

Father Georgy (Vadim Bestaev) was born and raised in South Ossetia. He was a novice of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, rector of the Temple in the village of Loza, Sergiev Posad district, Moscow region, then rector of the Alansky metochion.

On May 22, a traffic accident occurred. As a result of the accident, Georgy Bestaev, the abbot of the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Kulishi, who was driving and received multiple serious injuries, was seriously injured. He was transferred to the Research Institute of Emergency Care named after N.V. Sklifosovsky, where doctors fought for his life to the last.

Hegumen Georgy (Bestaev Vadik Fedorovich) born on May 12, 1961 in the village of Didmukha, Znaursky district, South Ossetia. Baptized on April 22, 1984 in the Trinity Cathedral of the city of Krasnoyarsk in honor of the holy martyr Archimandrite Vadim.

In 1978 he graduated from City Vocational School No. 5 in the city of Vladikavkaz. After graduating from college, he worked in secular work, holding various positions from a worker on a collective farm to an electric welder and slinger at factories in Tskhinvali and Krasnoyarsk.

In 1980-1982 served in the tank forces as a gunner for tanks, and was demobilized with the rank of junior sergeant.

In 1986-1988 bore the obedience of a fireman and sexton in the Church of the Life-Giving Trinity in the city of Krasnoyarsk.

In 1989-1992 studied at the Moscow Theological Seminary. Upon completion of his studies, he became a novice at the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra.

On March 19, 1993, he took monastic vows with the name George in honor of the Great Martyr George the Victorious.

On August 28, 1993, in the Assumption Cathedral of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, Archbishop Sergius of Solnechnogorsk was ordained.

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As A.P. correctly noted. Chekhov: “A real man consists of a husband and a rank.” We can say that a man is a male rank. And rank is a special place in the heavenly hierarchy. And in this heavenly hierarchy, a man represents his family, his clan. Therefore, he occupies a special, primary position in the family hierarchy. In his family, a man can only be the head - this is what the Lord established.

But if for a woman to live the life of a family - husband, children - is God's calling, then for a man family life cannot be the main thing. For him, the most important thing in life is the fulfillment of God's will on earth. This means that for a man - the father of the family and the representative for the family before God - the first place is not his family, but the fulfillment of his duty. And this duty for each man can be completely different, it depends on the Divine calling.

The main thing for a family is a continuous connection with God. It is carried out through the head of the family: through the work that the Lord entrusts to him, through the participation of the whole family in this matter. To the extent that the family participates in this Divine calling, to the extent that it participates in the fulfillment of God's will. But it is extremely difficult to understand and fulfill God’s will outside the Church, and even completely impossible in its entirety. In the Church, a person meets God. Therefore, outside the Church, a man is constantly in a state of some kind of search. He often suffers not even because there is something wrong in the family or financial difficulties, but because his occupation is not to his liking, that is, this is not the main thing to which he is called in this world. In church life, a person, led by God, comes to the main task for which he is called to this earth. Outside the Church, outside Divine life, outside the Divine calling, this dissatisfaction is always felt, a man necessarily suffers, his soul is “out of place.” Therefore, happy is the family whose head has found his life’s work. Then he feels complete - he has found that pearl, that wealth that he was looking for.

This is why men suffer: not knowing God or having become separated from Him, having lost the meaning and purpose of life, they cannot find their place in the world. This state of soul is very difficult, painful, and one cannot reproach or reproach such a person. We must seek God. And when a person finds God, then he finds the calling for which he came into this world. It can be a very simple task. For example, one man, having received an education and worked in high positions, suddenly realized that his favorite thing to do was cover roofs, especially church roofs. And he left his previous job and began covering roofs and participating in the restoration of churches. He found meaning, and with it peace of mind and joy of life. It’s not uncommon for a person to do something for many years, and then suddenly give it all up for a new life. This is especially noticeable in the Church: people lived in the world for many years, studied, worked somewhere, and then the Lord calls them - they become priests, monks. The main thing is to hear and respond to this Divine call. Then the family gains the fullness of being.

What happens if relatives do not support the choice of the head of the family? Then it will be much more difficult for him to fulfill God’s will. On the other hand, the family will suffer because it is abandoning its destiny. And no matter what external well-being accompanies the life of such a family, it will be unsettled and joyless in this world.

In the Holy Scriptures, the Lord clearly says that he who loves his father, or mother, or children more than Christ is not worthy of Him. A real man, husband and father, head of the family must love God, his duty, his calling more than anything or anyone. He must rise above family life, even be in this understanding free from the family, remaining with it. Personality is a person who is able to transcend his nature. Family is the material, mental and physical side of life. For a man, she is the nature that he must surpass, constantly striving to the spiritual level and raising his family with him. And no one should turn him away from this path.

Traditionally, the father of an Orthodox family has always performed the role of a kind of priestly ministry. He communicated with his confessor and with him resolved spiritual issues of the family. Often, when a wife came to a priest for advice, she heard: “Go, your husband will explain everything to you,” or: “Do as your husband advises.” And now we have the same tradition: if a woman comes and asks what she should do, I always ask what her husband’s opinion is about this. Usually the wife says: “I don’t even know, I didn’t ask him...”. - “Go first and ask your husband, and then, in accordance with his opinion, we will reason and decide.” Because the Lord entrusts the husband to lead the family through life, and He admonishes him. All issues of family life can and should be decided by the head. This applies not only to believers - the principle of family hierarchy established by God is valid for everyone. Therefore, an unbelieving husband is able to wisely solve ordinary family and everyday problems; in some deep spiritual or other complex issues, a wife can consult with a confessor. But a wife needs to love and honor her husband regardless of his faith.

Life is structured in such a way that when Divine regulations are violated, both believers and non-believers suffer equally. Simply believers can understand why this happens. Church life gives meaning to what happens to us, these joyful and sorrowful moments. A person no longer perceives everything as an accident “lucky or unlucky”: illness, some kind of misfortune or, conversely, recovery, well-being, etc. He already understands the meaning and cause of life’s difficulties and, with God’s help, can overcome them. The Church reveals the depth and meaning of human life, family life.

Hierarchy is a stronghold of love. The Lord designed the world so that it would be strengthened by love. Grace coming from God to the world through the heavenly and earthly hierarchy of relationships is retained and transmitted by love. A person always wants to go where there is love, where there is grace, where there is peace and quiet. And when the hierarchy is destroyed, he falls out of this stream of grace and is left alone with the world, which “lies in evil.” Where there is no love, there is no life.

When the hierarchy in a family is destroyed, everyone suffers. If the husband is not the head of the family, then he may start drinking, taking walks, and running away from home. But the wife suffers just as much, only it manifests itself differently, more emotionally: she begins to cry, get irritated, and make trouble. Often she does not understand what exactly she wants to achieve. But she wants to be guided, to be prompted, to be supported, to be relieved of the burden of responsibility. It is very difficult for a woman to command; she lacks strength, capabilities and skills. She is not suited for this and cannot constantly mind her own business. Therefore, she waits for the masculine principle to awaken in her husband. A wife needs a husband-protector. She needs him to caress her, console her, press her to his chest: “Don’t worry, I’m with you.” It is very difficult for a woman without a firm male hand, a strong shoulder, without this protection. This reliability in the family is much more needed than money.

A man must be able to love, must be noble, generous. There is one interesting couple in our parish: the husband is a worker, and the wife is an educated woman with a position. He is a simple man, but a master of his craft, he works very well and supports his family. And, as in any family, it happens that the wife begins to mutter at him like a woman - she is not happy with it, she does not like it. She grumbles, grumbles, grumbles... And he looks at her tenderly: “What’s wrong with you, my dear? Why are you so worried and nervous? Maybe you're sick? He will press you to himself: “Why are you so upset, my dear? Take care of yourself. Everything is fine, everything - thank God." So he caresses her like a father. Never gets involved in these women's quarrels, disputes and proceedings. So nobly, like a man, he consoles her and calms her down. And she can’t argue with him in any way. A man should have such a noble attitude towards life, towards women, towards family.

A man needs to be a man of few words. There is no need to try to answer all women's questions. Women love to ask them: where have you been, what have you done, with whom? A man should devote his wife only to what he considers necessary. Of course, you don’t need to tell everything at home, remembering that women have a completely different mental structure. What the husband experiences at work or in relationships with others hurts his wife so much that she will be terribly nervous, angry, offended, give her advice, and others may even intervene. It will only add much more problems, you will be even more upset. Therefore, not all experiences need to be shared. A man more often needs to take on these difficulties of life and endure them within himself.

The Lord placed man hierarchically higher, and it is in male nature to resist female power over oneself. The husband, even if he knows that his wife is right a thousand times, will still resist and stand his ground. And wise women understand that they need to give in. And wise men know that if a wife gives good advice, then it is necessary not to follow it immediately, but after a while, so that the wife firmly understands that things will not go “her way” in the family. The trouble is, if a woman is in charge, her husband becomes uninteresting to her. Very often in such a situation, the wife leaves her husband because she cannot respect him: “He is a rag, not a man.” Happy is the family where the woman cannot defeat her husband. Therefore, when a wife tries to take over in the family and command everyone, then only one thing can save this woman - if the man continues to live his life, mind his own business. In this regard, he must have unbending firmness. And if the wife cannot defeat him, then the family will survive.

A woman needs to remember that there are things that she should never allow herself to do, under any circumstances. You cannot insult, humiliate your husband, laugh at him, flaunt or discuss your family relationships with others. Because the wounds that are inflicted will never heal. Maybe they will continue to live together, but without love. Love will simply disappear irrevocably.

The purpose of a man in a family is fatherhood. This paternity extends not only to his children, but also to his wife. The head of the family is responsible for them, is obliged to keep them, try to live in such a way that they do not need anything. A man's life must be sacrificial - in work, in service, in prayer. The father must be an example in everything. And this does not depend on his education, ranks and positions. The very attitude of a man to his business is important: it should be sublime. Therefore, a man who devotes himself entirely to making money will not become a good family man. It may be comfortable to live in a family where there is a lot of money, but such a man cannot fully be an example for his children and an authority for his wife.

The family is educated, the children grow up by the example of how the father fulfills his ministry. He doesn’t just work, earn money, but performs service. Therefore, even a long-term absence of a father can play a great educational role. For example, military personnel, diplomats, sailors, polar explorers may be away from their loved ones for many months, but their children will know that they have a father - a hero and a hard worker who is busy with such an important task - serving the Motherland.

These are, of course, vivid examples, but fulfilling one’s duty should be in the first place for every man. And this saves the family even from the poverty and poverty of life. From the Holy Scriptures we know that when man was expelled from paradise after the Fall, the Lord said that the man would earn his daily bread by the sweat of his brow. This means that even if a person works very hard, as is often the case now, in two or three jobs, he can only earn enough to earn his living. But the Gospel says: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all the rest will be added” (see: Matt. 6:33). That is, a person can only earn enough for a piece of bread, but if he fulfills the will of God and acquires the Kingdom of God, then the Lord provides prosperity for him and his entire family.

The Russian person has a peculiarity: he can only participate in great things. It is unusual for him to simply work for money. And if he does this, he almost always feels sad and bored. He is joyless because he cannot realize himself - a man should not just work, but feel his contribution to some important cause. Here, for example, is the development of aviation: a person can be the chief designer of a design bureau, or maybe an ordinary factory turner - it doesn’t matter. Being involved in such a great cause will inspire these people equally. That is why, at the present time, when great tasks are almost never set either in science, or in culture, or in production, the role of men has immediately become impoverished. A certain despondency is observed among men, because simply getting money for an Orthodox person, for a Russian person, is a task that is too simple and does not correspond to the high demands of the soul. It is the sublimity of service that is important.

Men are ready to give their labor, their time, strength, health, and if necessary, their lives to serve, to fulfill their duty. Thus, despite the unpatriotic and selfish attitudes of the last few decades, our people are still ready to defend their Motherland at the first call. Now we see this when our guys, officers and soldiers, fight, shedding blood for their compatriots. For a normal man, it is very natural to be ready to give his life for the Fatherland, for his people, for his family.

Many wives do not understand and are offended when men pay more attention to their business than to their family. This is especially pronounced among people of science and creative professions: scientists, writers, artists. Or those who are closely connected with nature, for example, those involved in agriculture, who sometimes have to literally work for days on the land or farm so as not to miss the right time. And this is correct if a man does not belong to himself, but devotes himself entirely to the work in which he is engaged. And when he fulfills God’s will not for the sake of selfishness, not for the sake of money, then this life is very graceful and exciting.

We must understand that when we stand before the Face of God, our “I want or I don’t want” disappears. The Lord does not look at what you want or don’t want, but at what you can or cannot do. Therefore, he entrusts you with affairs in accordance with your calling, with your abilities and aspirations. And we must desire not “our own desire,” but what God has entrusted to us, we must desire to “fulfill all that is commanded” (see Luke 17:10). Each person and each family, as a collective whole, as a small Church, must “fulfill what is commanded.” And this “command” is personalized in the work of the head of the family - the husband and father.

It is important for a man to understand that a missed opportunity is an opportunity lost forever. And if today the Lord moves you to do something, then it is today that you need to do it. “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” says the proverb. Therefore, a man should be easy-going - get up, walk and do what he has to do. And if you put it off until tomorrow, then tomorrow the Lord may no longer give this opportunity, and then you will strive to achieve the same for a very long time and with very great difficulty, if you achieve it at all. You need to not be lazy, but be hardworking and efficient, to seize this moment of God’s calling. It is very important.

A man who is passionate about his work should be supported in every possible way. Even when he spends all his free time on this, there is no need to distract him, but to be patient. On the contrary, it is good for the whole family to try to participate in this activity. This is very interesting. For example, a father-turner, passionate about his work, brought home turning tools, and from birth the children played with them instead of toys. He took his sons with him to work, told them about the machines, explained everything, showed them, and let them try it themselves. And all three of his sons went to study to become turners. In such conditions, instead of idle pastime, children become interested in participating in a serious matter.

The father must, to the extent necessary, leave his life open to the family so that the children can delve into it, feel it, and participate. It is not for nothing that there have always been labor and creative dynasties. Passion for his work is passed on from the father to the children, who then happily follow in his footsteps. Let them sometimes do this out of inertia, but when they master their father’s profession, even if the Lord later calls them to another job, all this will benefit them and will be useful in life. Therefore, the father should not grumble and complain about his work: they say, how hard and boring it is, otherwise the children will think: “Why do we need this?”

A man’s life should be worthy - open, honest, chaste, hard-working, so that he would not be ashamed to show it to children. It is necessary that his wife and children are not embarrassed by his work, his friends, his behavior, his actions. It’s surprising: when you ask high school students now, many of them don’t really know what their fathers and mothers do. Previously, children knew very well the life of their parents, their activities, hobbies. They were often taken with them to work, and at home they constantly discussed matters. Now children may not know anything about their parents and may not even be interested. Sometimes there are objective reasons for this: when parents are engaged in making money, the methods are not always pious. It also happens that they are embarrassed by their profession, realizing that this occupation is not entirely worthy of them - their abilities, education, vocation. It even happens that for the sake of income they sacrifice their dignity, personal life, and environment. In such cases, they don’t say or tell anything in front of the children.

A man must understand that life is changeable, and in difficult circumstances you should not sit idly by, suffering and groaning, but you need to get down to business, even if it’s small. There are many people who are unemployed because they want to receive a lot at once and consider low earnings unworthy for themselves. And as a result, they don’t bring a penny to the family. Even during the difficult times of “perestroika,” people who were ready to do something did not disappear. One colonel, having been laid off, was left without a job. From Siberia, where he served, he had to return to his hometown. I asked my friends to help me get any job, anywhere. I managed to get into the security service of one organization: for a small fee, the colonel was assigned to guard the gates of some base. And he humbly stood up and opened these gates. But a colonel is a colonel, he is immediately visible - his superiors quickly noticed him. They appointed him to a higher position - he showed himself very well there too. Then even higher, then again... And after a short time he received both an excellent position and a good salary. But it needs to be humble. You have to start small, prove yourself and show what you are capable of. In difficult times, you need not to be proud, not to dream, but to think about how to feed your family and do everything possible to achieve this. In any circumstances, the man remains responsible for the family and children. Therefore, during the time of “perestroika”, many highly qualified and unique specialists agreed to any job for the sake of their family. But times change, and those who have retained their dignity and hard work ultimately find themselves in great demand. Now there is a great demand for various masters of their craft, there is a lot of work for them. They are ready to pay a lot of money to specialists, craftsmen, craftsmen, but they are not there. The biggest shortage is in blue-collar jobs.

One worker was asked what happiness is. And he answered like an ancient sage: “For me, happiness is when in the morning I want to go to work, and in the evening I want to go home from work.” This is actually happiness when a person happily goes to do what he has to do, and then happily returns home, where he is loved and expected.

To fulfill all this, you need to love... Here we can say that there is law, and there is love. It’s like in the Holy Scriptures - there is the Old Testament and there is the New Testament. There is a law that regulates the behavior of people in society and in the family. For example, everyone knows who in the family should do what. The husband must provide for the family and take care of it, and be an example for the children. A wife must honor her husband, manage the household, keep the house in order, and raise children to honor God and their parents. Children must obey their parents. Everyone should, should, should... The answer to the question of whether a husband should do housework is unequivocal - he shouldn’t. This is the answer according to the law, this is the Old Testament. But if we turn to the New Testament, which added the commandment of love to all laws, we will answer somewhat differently: he should not do this, but he can if he loves his family, his wife and there is a need for such help. The transition in the family from “should” to “can” is the transition from the Old to the New Testament. A man, of course, shouldn’t wash dishes, do laundry, or babysit children, but if his wife doesn’t have time, if it’s difficult for her, if she’s unbearable, then he can do it out of love for her. There is also another question: should a wife support a family? Should not. But maybe if she loves her husband, and due to circumstances he is not able to do this to the fullest. For example, there are times when men with unique professions and highly qualified specialists are left without work: factories are closed, scientific and production projects are curtailed. Men cannot adapt to such a life for quite a long time, but women usually adapt faster. And a woman doesn’t have to, but she can support her family if the circumstances are that way.

That is, if there is love in the family, then the question “should - should not” itself disappears. And if conversations start that “you have to earn money” - “and you have to cook cabbage soup for me”, “you have to come home from work on time” - “and you have to take better care of the children”, etc., then this means - no love. If they switch to the language of the law, the language of legal relations, it means that love has evaporated somewhere. When there is love, then everyone knows that in addition to duty there is also sacrifice. It is very important. Therefore, no one can force a man to do household chores, only he himself. And no one can force a woman to support her family, only she herself can decide to do this. We need to be very attentive to what happens in the family, lovingly “carrying each other’s burdens.” But at the same time, no one should be proud, rise up and violate the family hierarchy.

A wife should follow her husband like a thread to a needle. There are many professions when a person is simply sent from one place to another by order. For example, the military. It happens that an officer’s family lives in the city, in an apartment, and suddenly they are sent to some remote place, to a military town, where there is nothing except a hostel. And the wife should go after her husband and not grumble, not be capricious, saying, I won’t go to this wilderness, but I’ll live with my mother. If she doesn’t go, it means her husband will feel very bad. He will become worried, upset, and therefore it will be very difficult for him to perform his service properly. His colleagues may laugh at him: “What kind of wife is this?” This is a clear example. The same can be said about the clergy. A seminary graduate, for example, may be sent from the city to some distant parish, where he will have to live in a hut and, due to the poverty of the parishioners, survive “from bread to kvass.” And the priest's young wife must go with him. If not, and the woman insists on her own, then this is the beginning of the destruction of the family. She must understand: since I’m getting married, now the interests of my husband, his service, helping him are the main thing in life for me. A man needs to choose a bride who will follow him through thick and thin. If you look at strong families, they have just such wives. They understand: in order to become a general’s wife, you must first marry a lieutenant and travel with him for half your life to all the garrisons. To become the wife of a scientist or artist, you need to marry a poor student, who only many years later will become famous and successful. Or maybe it won't...

The bride should look for someone close in spirit, one in her circle, so that her ideas about life, standard of living, and habits are similar. It is necessary that the husband does not have to be embarrassed by his wife among friends and colleagues. The big difference in education and financial situation has a significant impact later on. If a man married a rich bride, then her family is likely to look at him as a freeloader. Of course, they will try to promote him in his career, give him the opportunity to grow, but they will always demand gratitude for the fact that he was “elevated.” And if the wife is better educated than the husband, this will also ultimately create difficulties. You need to have such a masculine, very noble character, like, for example, the hero of the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” so that the wife’s higher official position does not have a detrimental effect on family relationships.

For a man to have a successful life, his wife should not interfere with him doing his job. Therefore, the wife must be chosen precisely as an assistant. It’s good to find a home-made bride, one who can’t live without you. The trouble is if she gets along without you and is better off with her mother than with you. Here you need to know some features. For example, if the bride’s parents are divorced and her mother raised her alone, then very often in case of any, even the smallest conflict in her daughter’s family, she will say: “Leave him! Why do you need him like that? I raised you alone, and we will raise your children ourselves.” This is an example of a bad, but, unfortunately, typical situation. And if you take a bride - a girl who was raised by a single mother, then there is a big risk that she can calmly and quickly leave you on her advice. Therefore, it is important that the bride comes from a good, strong family. Children usually copy the behavior of their parents, so you need to see how her family lives. Although young people always say that they will live completely differently, for them the life of their parents is an example, good or bad. Look how your bride's mother treats her husband - the same way your bride will treat you. Of course, now there are a lot of divorced families and finding a bride from a strong family can be difficult, but you just need to know in advance the difficulties that will arise in order to be prepared and react correctly. And in such cases, you still need to honor your parents, but you should never listen to their advice like “leave your husband, you can live without him, but if you want, you can find something better.” Family is an indissoluble concept.

A woman should help in the professional growth of her husband - this should be the growth of the whole family. But he cannot be promoted in a direction for which he does not have the soul or the ability. If you want him to become a leader, think: does he need it? Why do you need this? A simple life is often calmer and more joyful. The hierarchy that we talk about all the time implies different levels: everyone cannot live the same, and they should not be the same. Therefore, there is no need to try to imitate anyone. We must live as the Lord has blessed us, and remember that a family does not need much to thrive. With God's help, any man and any woman can earn this minimum. But there are certain claims for more, and they do not give people peace: they must, they say, take a position no lower than this, and live no worse than those... And now many more people have taken out loans, got into debt, and gone to hard labor doomed themselves instead of living calmly and freely.

We must understand that the work to which a person is called will not necessarily allow him to live richly. In its initial period, a young family must learn to live modestly. In a cramped apartment, with mom and dad, or in a rented apartment, endure this crampedness and scarcity for some time. We must learn to live within our means, without demanding anything from anyone and without reproaching anyone. This is always hindered by envy: “Others live like this, but we live like this!” The last thing is when the family begins to reproach a man that he earns little if he tries, works, does everything he can. And if he doesn’t try... That means he was like that even before the wedding. Most women get married for some unknown reason. Here a kind of “eagle” turned up - prominent, nimble. And what he can do, what he does, how he lives, how he treats his family, his children, what he thinks about it, whether he is hardworking, caring, whether he drinks - this is of no interest. But once you got married, endure everything and love your husband for who he is.

It is also important to say that if young people, boys and girls, lose chastity before marriage and begin to lead a prodigal life, then from that moment the spiritual formation of their personality stops, their spiritual growth stops. The line of development that was given to them from birth is immediately interrupted. And externally, this also immediately becomes noticeable. For girls, if they fornicated before marriage, their character changes in a bad direction: they become capricious, scandalous, obstinate. Young men, as a result of an unchaste life, are greatly inhibited or even stop completely in their development: spiritual, mental, social, and even mental. Therefore, now it is often possible to meet adult men with development at the level of 15-18 years - the age when their chastity was destroyed. They behave like foolish young men: they have no developed sense of responsibility, no will, no wisdom. The “integrity of wisdom” and “integrity of personality” have been destroyed. This has irreversible consequences for the rest of a person’s life. Those abilities and talents that he had from birth not only do not develop, but are often completely lost. Therefore, of course, not only girls, but also boys need to maintain chastity. Only by maintaining purity before marriage can a man truly achieve in life what he is called to do. He will have the necessary means for this. He will retain his freedom - both spiritually, creatively, and materially. Having preserved his natural talents, he gets the opportunity to develop and achieve completeness of personality. He will be able to master any business that he likes.

A man who humiliates himself by dishonest treatment of a woman loses all respect. Irresponsible relationships and abandoned children are incompatible with the dignity of a man, with the height to which the Lord has placed him in the world, in human society, in the family. For the sake of this high dignity of the spouse, his wife, his chosen one, and children, his heirs, must be respected. And the husband is obliged to respect and value his wife. Because of his failures, she should not be reproached, despised, she should not be ashamed of her husband’s life.

The Ukrainian language calls a man very well and accurately - “cholovik”. A man is a man, and a man should always remain as such, and not turn into an animal. And a man can fulfill his duty, his responsibilities, be a husband and father, only when he remains human. After all, of the ten commandments given by God to Moses, the first five are about human life (about love of God, about honoring parents), and the remaining five are those, breaking which a person turns into an animal. Don’t kill, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t deceive, don’t envy - at least don’t do this, so as not to become “meaningless cattle”! If you have lost your human dignity, you are not a man.

Nowadays you often cannot distinguish a man from a woman either by behavior, manners, or appearance. And it’s very pleasant when, even from afar, you can see that a man is walking - courageous, strong, collected. Women dream not just of a husband or friend, but of a man who will be a real person. Therefore, fulfilling God’s commandments for a husband is a direct way to preserve human dignity and remain a real man. Only a real man can give his life for his family, for the Fatherland. Only a real man can treat his wife nobly. Only a real man can set an example of a decent life for his children.

This is responsibility: to answer to your conscience, to God, to your people, to your Motherland. We will be responsible for our family, for our children. After all, the true wealth of children does not lie in material accumulations, but in what the father and mother invest in their souls. This is the responsibility for maintaining purity and chastity. The main thing is responsibility for the child’s soul: what God gave, return to God.

The demographic problem of our time rests on the irresponsibility of men. Their insecurity creates fear in women about the future. Due to the lack of masculinity in the family, women have uncertainty about the future, doubts about the ability to raise and raise children: “What if he leaves, leaves me alone with the children... What if he doesn’t feed us.” Why did almost all families in Russia used to be large and had many children? Because there was a firm idea of ​​the indissolubility of marriage. Because the head of the family was a real man - a breadwinner, a protector, a man of prayer. Because everyone was happy about the birth of children, because this is God’s blessing, an increase in love, a strengthening of the family, a continuation of life. It never occurred to a man to leave his wife and children: this is a shameful sin, shame and dishonor! But it never occurred to the woman to have an abortion. The wife was sure that her husband would not betray him to the point of death, that he would not leave, that he would not abandon him, that he would at least earn enough to earn food, and she was not afraid for the children. Mothers are usually more responsible towards their children, which is why they are afraid of everything. And this fear comes from the fact that the male spirit disappears from the family. But as soon as this masculine spirit is strengthened and the woman is sure that her husband will not run away, she is happily ready to have many children. And only then does the family become complete. We see this in church parishes, where three to four children in families is already the norm. This is just an example of the fact that the Orthodox concept of the indissolubility of marriage and responsibility before God gives a feeling of reliability and confidence in the future.

When discussing family problems, they almost always talk only about mothers, as if they are the only ones responsible for the family and children. And in any controversial family situation, the right is almost always on the woman’s side. The revival of fatherhood is something important that is needed today. Fathers must understand their responsibility, the special spirit of which they must be bearers. Then the woman will become a woman again, she will no longer need to rely only on her own strength. Without relying on her husband, she holds on to her job, studies endlessly so as not to lose her qualifications, and many other things that tear her away from her family and children. As a result, children are poorly brought up, study worse, and are in poorer health. In general, the approach of absolute equality of the sexes causes a lot of problems in both upbringing and education. In particular, boys are raised and taught the same as girls, and girls as boys. That’s why in families they can’t figure out who is more important, who is stronger, who is more responsible, they find out who owes what to whom.

Therefore, one of the main tasks today is to revive the male spirit, the spirit of fatherhood. But for this to happen, the spirit of the entire state is important. When it is built on the liberal principles of universal equality, the dictates of all kinds of minorities, feminism, and almost unlimited freedom of behavior, then this penetrates into the family. Now we are even talking about introducing juvenile justice, which completely undermines the authority of parents and deprives them of the opportunity to raise their own children on a traditional basis. This is simply the destruction of the entire Divine hierarchical structure of the world.

The Russian state has always been structured according to the family principle: the “father” was at the head. Ideally, this is, of course, an Orthodox king. They called him “Tsar-Father” - that’s how he was revered and obeyed. The state structure was an example of the structure of the family. The tsar had his own family, his own children, but for him the whole people, all of Russia, which he guarded and for which he was responsible before God, was his family. He set an example of serving God, an example of family relationships, and raising children. He showed how to preserve one’s native country, its territory, its spiritual and material wealth, its shrines, and faith. Now that there is no tsar, at least if there is a strong president, we are glad that there is a person who thinks about Russia, about the people, and cares about us. If there is no strong government in the state, if there is no “father” at the head, then it means there will be no father in families. The family cannot be built on liberal democratic principles. Autonomy and paternity are the main principles of building a family. Therefore, we can restore the family by recreating a political system that will give rise to paternity, nepotism and show how to preserve a large family - the Russian people, Russia. Then in our families, looking at the example of state power, we will stand up for the defense of the main values. And now this process is happening, thank God.

Using the example of different countries, one can easily see how the type of government system influences the life of the people. The example of Muslim countries clearly shows us: although it is specific, they have paternity, there is respect for the head of the family, and as a result - strong families, high birth rates, successful economic development. Europe is the opposite: the institution of the family is abolished, the birth rate has fallen, entire regions are populated by emigrants of a completely different culture, faith, and tradition. In order to preserve the institution of the family, and ultimately the state itself, we need strong state power, or better yet, unity of command. We need a “father” - the father of the nation, the father of the state. Ideally, this should be a person appointed by God. Then in the family the father will be perceived, as he traditionally was, as a man appointed by God.

All spheres of human existence are closely connected and intertwined. Therefore, if the structure of life of the country, starting with the head of state and further, is created according to the law of the Divine dispensation, according to the law of the heavenly hierarchy, then Divine grace revives and gives life to all spheres of the people’s existence. Any business then turns into participation in the Divine order of the world, into some kind of service - to the Fatherland, God, one’s people, all humanity. Any smallest unit of society, such as a family, like a cell of a living organism, is given life by Divine grace sent to the whole people.

The family, being a “cell” of the state, is built according to the same laws - like consists of like. If everything in society is not structured this way, if state power acts according to laws completely alien to tradition, then, naturally, the family, as, for example, in Europe, is abolished and takes on forms that are no longer just sinful, but pathological - homosexual “marriages”, adoption of children into such “families”, etc. Even a normal person in such conditions finds it difficult to preserve himself from corruption. But all this comes from the state. The state begins to be built from the family, but the family must also be built by the state. Therefore, all aspirations to strengthen the family must be translated into a revival of the spirit.

Ordinary people need, no matter what, to preserve the traditional forms of family structure established by God. This is how we will eventually restore hierarchical order in the state. Let us restore our national life as community life, as cathedral life, as family life. The people are a single, united, God-given family. By preserving Orthodoxy, spiritual traditions, culture, the Orthodox family, raising children in the Orthodox way, building our lives according to Divine laws, we will thereby revive Russia