How to get other people's attention. How to ignore the opinions of others and overcome self-doubt. Uncertainty, it is different

We are all afraid of judgment from others and want to learn to ignore to the opinions of others.

We are afraid that we will be judged, they will think badly of us, they will not understand us, and much more. And this fear, it has already become habitual and has firmly taken its place in your head.

When we are afraid, we find ourselves in constant tension and it is very exhausting.

I had a friend who spent a lot of time getting ready for the street. In order to simply go out into the street, sit on a bench at the entrance - she changed clothes 100 times. Because it seemed to her that all the people around her would look at her and draw conclusions - she looks good or not. It even seemed to me that sometimes it turned into a painful mania with her.

And in fact, you see, every person is tormented by the question:

If I do this, what will people think of me?

And often we ourselves answer this question and thereby either increase our self-confidence or lower it.

In fact, you should not depend on the opinions of the people around you! And your self-esteem too!

Do you want to know, how to learn to ignore the opinion of the people around you?

There is one secret, the realization of just one simple thing will help many of you become calmer and freer internally from the assessments of others.

The people around you don't care! GENERALLY!!!

I really want you to fix this simple thought, which will help you become a freer person - the people around you do not care about you!

When you go out into the street, meet passers-by, catch a glance thrown at you by chance - you may think that you are being evaluated, you are condemned, you are not understood! It is quite possible that this is the case, BUT! A man passed by you and he forgot about you! There are so many thoughts rushing through our head in a second of time that we are simply not able to think about something for a long time.

Until my youngest daughter was one year old, visiting the hairdresser was a world-class event. My husband came home from work in advance, they guessed the time when she was calm and contented enough, and I quickly left for 1 hour.

The child couldn’t stand it without me anymore, screams and scandals began, and for the sake of the child’s calm psyche, I decided that my highlighting would have to be completed at home, that is, I came to the hairdresser, the master applied a bleaching composition, the whole thing is fixed with foil and then I’m all so beautiful, with hair sticking out to the sides with foil went home. At home, she washed off the composition in an hour and in fact everyone was satisfied.

But I was just ashamed to walk in such a “beautiful” form from the hairdresser to the house. The first couple of times. Then I suddenly discovered that this or that appearance is just social norms that we absorb and focus on.

When I went home for the first time, throwing a light scarf over my head (of course, he didn’t really save the situation), it seemed to me that our entire microdistrict was looking at me, and some specifically ran up to the windows for this. The second time, it seemed to me that the entire playground that I passed by was watching. The third time I was surprised to find that only a couple of people were looking at me, no more.

And now I basically It became absolutely all the same who looks at me and what he thinks. I just go home, and most importantly, peace and tranquility reigns inside me.

It would seem such a simple situation, but in fact almost every woman can find in her life a case when the people around her were given excessive importance and the complexes grew outward.

It's all about our inflated egos! Or as it is sometimes called a heightened sense of self-importance - we think that we are the center of the universe, and it is this idea that limits us very much.

We are the center - only for ourselves.

And so for each person the center is himself, and the people around him absolutely do not care how you look, what you wear, how you make up, how you behave.

The people around you will only take a quick glance and in a couple of seconds they will forget about you, and you can drag your experiences in yourself for months, weeks, years.

In order to stop suffering and look for a solution to the issue how to stop paying attention on the opinion of other people, just let each person have their own opinion, and give yourself inner freedom! And I assure you, life will become much easier! I checked!

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncomfortable on the street? What do you think is the main reason for this condition? How do you deal with your feelings of embarrassment?

In order not to pay attention to some people, you need to ... wake up. Yes, yes - we all, to one degree or another, “fall asleep” right on the go. This is the nature of the brain. You can clearly observe this when you watch an interesting movie. At this point, you "forget" about yourself and half "sleep". The immersion is so deep that you are completely in this story. You can't even remember what was happening around you at that time. So, when such a person approaches you, whose presence annoys you - just be aware of yourself and do not be fooled by his words and movements. You can focus on his tousled hair, ridiculous shoes, funny ears, and so on (even if it's not - tell yourself mentally that it is). That is, find a real or fictional flaw in it. The main thing is to change the script from irritation to (internal) laughter.

Why do some people annoy us?

People can be annoying for various reasons: you envy them, they are unfair to you, or their appearance does not fit into the environment around you. Someone speaks too loudly, and the other is constantly asked again. There could be a million reasons. It is not a fact that you yourself are fair to them, but simply want to be unhooked from you and left alone. However, there are people who deliberately “get you”. These are called energy vampires. Consciously or not, but they "coward" you like a pear, feeding on your energy of irritation. In this case, you will definitely feel tired and empty. No wonder they say about such people - "drinks blood." In fact, this is exactly the case, the vampire takes away part of your vitality.

How to get rid of annoying people?

We live in a rather small world, so we need to adapt.

First, understand what annoys you in a person. The man went out onto the balcony disheveled - you immediately thought that he was a drunk. But maybe he just got up to close the door, and he looks like this because he came from the night shift.

Teach yourself to think positively, try not to criticize everyone and everything, do not gossip. If you are strongly annoyed by something, then immerse your consciousness from the side. As if you are not in your body now, but a meter further. And that's it - no one's attention is already directed to you, it's as if you are not here. If someone on TV annoys you, tell yourself - here you were, and now you are gone. And with a laugh, switch to another channel. It's easier to do than to fight with the whole world.

The world is as we imagine it to be. The magnet has two poles - so it's up to you to choose which one to end up on.

In order not to pay attention to a person who is annoying, you need to do work on yourself. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill that will help in an instant. Even if you turn to a psychologist with such a problem, you will have to attend several sessions to see at least some positive result.

We always worry what people around us think, as it is directly related to our perception of ourselves as individuals. Other people's opinions really affect us in various situations, whether it's giving up alcohol during a party or deciding to work on ourselves and become more confident.

Often our choices - for example, choosing a job, choosing a spouse - and our actions are limited due to fear of judgment and criticism from other people. This phenomenon is a serious problem for many of us. Therefore, in this article we will consider effective ways, how to ignore what others think.

Why do we care what other people think

Sometimes useful pay attention to the opinions of others. That part of our consciousness that is afraid of condemnation often protects us from bad deeds. If we didn’t care about others, we could, for example, run naked to the shops. Agree, this is a very useful protective function of our consciousness.

The reason why we pay attention to other people's opinions is that our perception of ourselves is based on good or bad judgments of other people about us.

Since we think that part of our personality is how others see us (funny, "cool", confident, shy), we strive to protect this component so that our personality does not suffer.

However, your personality is not what others think of you, it's... it's just you. And if you do something that makes you feel guilty, then you should pay attention to it.

Stop paying attention to what other people think

Hardly possible at all stop paying attention to the opinions of others. It is also unlikely that their opinion brings only harm. We are social beings, and the reaction of others to our actions (for example, if we behave very stupidly) helps to understand that we could behave more correctly.

But the problem of excessive anxiety and dependence on the opinions of others remains relevant for thousands of people. By solving this problem, many of us would remove all those restrictions that really interfere with a full and interesting life.

Imagine how different the world would be if we could all start doing the things we really want to do, become the people we want to be, and live the way we want to live. Imagine how different the world would be if we could all be a part of creating it... and that is actually the purpose of existence.

The question arises: how not to depend on someone else's opinion?

So let's get down to action..

How to learn not to pay attention to the opinions of others?

1. Stop making up problems

If your every action is accompanied by thoughts " what will others think?", then know: you are not the navel of the Earth, at least for those around you for sure. Most likely, in most cases you think that people condemn you, although in reality they do not care. You yourself do not make a detailed opinion about every person you meet man, right?

The best way to test this is to go a little outside the box and do something out of character for you and see how other people react. Most likely, only your friends and acquaintances will pay attention and comment on your actions, but strangers will not care.

2. Put things into perspective

For people who never think about what others will say about them, such a problem may seem strange or far-fetched. The fact is that as soon as you begin to closely consider such “problems”, you immediately understand that they are not worth such attention.
We only live once, and are you ready to let other people's thoughts ruin your life?
That would be stupid, right?

Along with the fact that life is one and too short to worry about such things, there is another reason. ignore other people's opinions A: Their views change over time.

Suppose at some point in time people make fun of you for wearing yellow sneakers. You decide this was the last time you wore them and you will never wear them again. But what if the mind of the person who was laughing at you changes, and he himself begins to wear yellow shoes? Will you put on your sneakers again?

Or another example of depending on someone else's opinion: a high school student was bullied because of his long hair, but after six months the fashion for haircuts changed and many guys in the class (including those who mocked him) grew long hair themselves.

People change their minds and what they think of you now may not matter in the future. You're not going to wait for fashion to change so that only people can think you're modern and cool, are you? We hope that these examples will help you understand the situation and put everything in perspective. You should not depend on someone else's opinion!

3. Be confident

It seems that we are in almost any situation care about the attitude of others. So how not to depend on someone else's opinion? Maybe we should try to reduce the cases when we think about condemnation from the outside? That's quite possible. The point is simply to be more confident in your decisions and actions.

Have you ever seen a person who, for example, somehow dressed strangely or behaved differently from everyone else, and at the same time he would be normally perceived and not condemned?

If you are wearing yellow shoes and you feel clearly uncomfortable in them, then people will understand this and will choose you as an object of ridicule - because they feel your awkwardness and, most likely, they will want to assert themselves in this way at your expense.

However, if you proud and confident walk around in those boots, completely oblivious to other people's comments, then you will see that most people (if not all) will not even think of mocking you. Thus, your dependence on someone else's opinion will be minimal.

4. Learn to control your feelings

As soon as you start to overcome the limitations that bind you, or just try to become more self-confident, no doubt - you will immediately begin to be overcome by a variety of feelings, ranging from stress, anxiety and fear, up to relief and joy. This state can be like a real roller coaster; here it is very important to be able to cope with such an influx of emotions.

Here are some simple steps to help you with this:
Be aware of exactly what feeling you are currently experiencing - for example, fear or anxiety
Watch your emotions
Note that because you are observing your emotions, they are no longer part of you.
Watch these emotions disappear
Once you can observe your emotions and feelings, and can separate yourself from them, then it will be easier for you to deal with them. And you will learn to ignore the opinions of others.

5. Accept yourself for who you are.

If you constantly judge yourself, then you will undoubtedly think that others around you are also far from having a better opinion of you. Often the root cause of this is self-created beliefs that there is something wrong with you. Accepting yourself is not so easy, but it really helps to solve the problem.

First of all, think about what exactly you do not like about yourself, and write it down on paper point by point. Now, look at these points and see if any of them can be changed. For example, if you're thin and you don't like it, think about ways you can get better and gain weight. However, if you would like to be taller, you cannot change it. In such cases, think that it could be worse. So, if your height is 170 cm and you don’t like it, think about what it would be like for you if your height was two meters or even 150 cm. Your height may not be ideal, but there are people with more “imperfect” growth .

But such things help only for a while, if you constantly look for shortcomings in others or think about what else to change in yourself, then it will be very difficult for you accept yourself the way you are.

Over time, you will begin to understand how insignificant the things that you used to worry about so much turned out to be, you will begin to relate to everything easier and stop worrying about trifles.

What's next?

The best way cope with dependence on other people's opinions is to try to change your mindset and focus on different (more important) areas of your own life, rather than constantly worrying about what others think of you. Life is too short to waste time on empty experiences.

The first lesson in resilience: situation analysis

Oddly enough, in order to develop stress resistance, the first thing to do is to learn to analyze stressful situations. You need to ask yourself the following questions: “how serious is the problem?”, “how will it affect my life?”, “can I change the situation?”.

Imagine: you are standing in a traffic jam for an hour, shamelessly late for a meeting. Will you feel better from complaining about a broken traffic light, a slow traffic controller, bad weather, an overly cheerful DJ on the radio, or the horns of irritated drivers like you? Unlikely. No matter how you swear, no matter how you complain to the gods, the cork will not disappear in a matter of seconds. And you won't be able to teleport to the meeting point. Now think about it: is it worth it to be nervous because of a situation that you cannot change? Is it worth it to kill thousands of nerve cells for empty experiences?

Conditionally stressful situations can be divided into two categories: 1) those that you can somehow change; 2) those on the outcome of which you have no power to influence.

Let's say that work is the cause of your stress: low salary, uncomfortable schedule, tyrant boss. Should I be nervous about this? The salary from this will not become higher, the schedule will be more convenient, and the boss will be wiser. The way out of this situation is to talk with superiors about improving working conditions or looking for a new job. No need to be nervous in vain, act!

Another example: at night, unknown persons broke the windshield of your car. Yes, if you parked your car in a paid parking lot, this might not happen. Yes, the surveillance camera installed at the entrance, quite possibly, would have helped to clarify all the circumstances of the case. But nothing can be changed, which means that you should think about other things - repairing the car, contacting the district police officer. It is much more productive to worry not about how bad this world is, but about the actions that need to be taken in this situation.

The second lesson of stress resistance: find an outlet for emotions

It has been proven that negative emotions need an outlet. To this end, halls for "stress relief" appeared in the offices of Japan. They are equipped with simulators, punching bags, darts sets. For what? Any Japanese, having suffered from the bosses or clients of the company, can come to such a hall to box a pear, representing it as his boss or a harmful client. And it’s easy to hang a photo of an opponent-colleague or the same boss on a target in darts - how nice it is to throw darts at such a bullseye!

Alas, in Russia such halls have not yet become widespread. But there is still a way out! Nothing prevents you from making a kind of voodoo doll out of wax and sticking needles into it after a particularly tense conversation with your superiors. You can start a “swearing” notebook in which you will write down all the “good” things that you think about clients / colleagues / management - the main thing is to hide it away from prying eyes.

Are you afraid of harming others with such actions? Well, then it's better to take a break from work for five minutes. And with benefit! Walk from one part of the office to another - even such physical activity will help to distract. Get out into the fresh air and take 7-10 deep breaths and slow exhalations. Knead the neck with the knuckles, lightly massage the head, starting from the forehead and moving towards the back of the head.

In order not to bring the negative home, it is recommended to "dump" it somewhere along the way. Important: not while driving, not by speeding and impudent behavior towards other road users, not on people and animals! It is better to go to the gym or pool: half an hour of running on an electric track, a couple of swims or punching a punching bag is a great way to forget about problems and relieve stress.

The third lesson of stress tolerance: doing exercises

You can develop stress resistance ... by playing!

Games like "Brain Ring", "What? Where? When?" and so fashionable in recent years, "QUIZ" require participants to be able to make decisions with lightning speed, think clearly and quickly. During each of these games, a person experiences severe stress. Judge for yourself: you need to quickly answer the question, choose one of the answers of other participants, remember historical events, the content of books and lyrics. And most importantly, all this in a limited time and with noise - the cries of the fans, the cries of other team members. We must not forget about nervousness - because you want to win so much.

Another great game for kids and adults is chess. But not simple, but blitz, that is, with a strict time limit per move. In 30-60 seconds, you will need to assess the situation on the board, think over possible moves and your opponent's reaction to them - that's where the stress is! Don't like chess? Let it be checkers, billiards or any other game that can be played in high-speed mode.

Any group sport is suitable for stress resistance training. Take, for example, hockey. No one can predict how the members of your team will behave, as well as what the opponents will show on the ice. You have to make decisions and act with lightning speed, according to the circumstances.

Resilience Lesson Four: Take Care of Your Health

In a healthy body healthy mind. If you are sick, hungry, have a headache or any other pain, any little thing will seem like a big problem to you, make you nervous. The stronger your health, the less vulnerable you will be to stress. And for this you need to eat right, have drugs on hand to treat certain ailments (headache / toothache, muscle strain, diarrhea, poisoning, etc.), and also train the body.

Try to find a place in your busy schedule for walking, swimming in the pool or yoga room. Yoga (or any other breathing practice) will help you relax, recuperate, find the balance you so desire after the labors of the righteous.

The fifth lesson of stress resistance: aggression - no!

What to do if you are being yelled at? How to remain indifferent in cases where you are insulted, called for aggression? In such situations, you can do this ...

• Leave the aggressor with his anger, such as going into another room or being distracted by a fake phone call. Even a minute break will give you the opportunity to calm down and analyze the situation, and the aggressor - to cool down!
• “Turn off” your head: imagine that a soundproof wall has grown between you and your opponent, through which there is no way to break through to you. You can mentally put a glass cap on yourself or the aggressor, reduce the screamer to the size of a flea, imagine him as an image of a black and white TV.
• Make yourself laugh. Try to remember a funny story or anecdote, mentally purr your favorite song, imagine the aggressor in a clown outfit or funny clothes.

The opinions of others affect everyone in one way or another. Usually these are not the words of the first person you meet, but the arguments of relatives or acquaintances, work colleagues. If taken too personally, they can have a serious impact on our lives. That being said, there is a big difference between considering someone else's point of view and worrying about it.

If you just take into account the words of others, then this will mean that you respect their views. If they have too much influence on you, then you can become a person who listens to anyone but himself. To please others is a desire that is inherent in human nature. But the extent to which we allow others to influence us is up to us. How to stop paying attention to the opinions of others if its influence is too strong? Let's look at a few things to keep in mind.

• The best way to stop being subject to someone else's assessment is to change the company or team, if, of course, there is such an opportunity. Often we feel "out of our element" and cannot determine the true causes of what is happening around. The problem, which, at first glance, lies in ourselves, in fact, has a completely different origin. We cannot influence how other people behave and do. Therefore, if you think that gossip in your work or study team goes beyond all acceptable limits, think about whether it is possible to make your life easier and change this team to a more humane one.
• In any circumstance, remember that people don't think about you as much as they might seem. They spend most of their time thinking about themselves and what is important to them. You and your behavior actually do not come into their field of vision so often. Think for a moment: how often do you think about what decision your friend made? Well, perhaps it excites you to some extent, but still not so much that you think about it day and night.
• Remember who you really are. Within ourselves, each of us knows our strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, many people, even having reached a very respectable age, cannot learn to distinguish adult life from school. They begin to judge and evaluate a person, without even really understanding who he is, what he is. There are others like them. They, having long gone through all the hormonal storms of adolescence, remain psychologically immature, trying to raise their self-esteem at the expense of others. Unfortunately, this is not the best way for them - after all, in this case, their self-esteem is based not on an internal sense of their own worth, but on the reputation of another person that they have damaged.

  Therefore, knowing their background, one should not take seriously these ridiculous attempts to assert themselves at the expense of others. Remind yourself often of your strengths and advantages in life. This will give you the strength to look at the situation differently.

• Learn the rule: other people's opinions are not your problems. What others think is their business, not yours. Even if you are the subject of their statements, this cannot change the true state of affairs in any way. All this gossip or opinions expressed directly can affect you only in one case - if you allow yourself to think about them too seriously. You cannot control other people, so stop trying. Let them suffer from envy of your success, property or opportunities. Such people who are not able to achieve their goals and spend themselves on negative statements and criticism of others can only be regretted.
• People tend to ruin other people's moods. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon these days. If someone has a bad day, for some reason he considers it his duty to spoil the mood of others. In this case, you need to remember that there is nothing personal in such words. They are just the result of a bad day. Maybe this person just got up on his feet today, or spilled a cup of coffee in the morning on a new suit. If, for example, your colleague is in a bad mood, you do not need to write off his remarks as your own mistakes. Forget about it for a while, enjoy your life.
• Surround yourself with those who support you. The ability to rely on the support of friends is important not only for emotional balance, but also for physical health. It is impossible to be constantly on and at the same time remain productive. In your environment, people who disagree with you will often come across. Therefore, you have only two ways - either ignore their opinion, or continue on your way without them.
• Remember those who can be safely called clients of a psychiatric clinic. Studies have shown a sad pattern: the more comfortable the economic and political situation in society, the greater the number of mentally unhealthy people in it is detected. Those who come from villages and small towns immediately notice how tense and anxious the inhabitants of megacities seem to them. The world is full of people who have no idea how to communicate politely with others. This is the contingent whose opinion should not be listened to at all.

  Whatever you say won't change anything. So don't even try. It is better to stay away from such people as far as possible. If such a person is present in your work team, it is better to listen to the opinion of those who support you.

You should not let others ruin your day, because not paying attention to the opinions of others is, first of all, taking care of yourself and your time. After all, someone else's view of certain things matters only in one case - if it correctly reflects reality. Therefore, you should not be too biased towards every phrase said by someone. Perhaps these people do not have such a bad opinion of us, as it may seem.